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#2618943 10/25/15 01:05 AM
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Hello everyone.

I haven' t post in a long time. I have left the circus and moved on without him. This thread is about my observation of people I have met since my separation.

I was invited for supper tonight by a friend of my brother-in-law. Him and my sister also attended. All I knew of his past was that he is a construction contractor and his wife left him for someone else. He is from down south and has moved here to start over. Tomorrow is his birthday. he will be 67. The supper was for his birthday and also to say good bye to my sister and brother-in-law who will be leaving for Arizona Wednesday until the end of April. This gentlemen has come and helped me and my family to redo my roof a few weeks ago. He has also come to my sister to help build a garage last month. He is very nice and kind to all of us and fits in nicely with us.
Now, back to tonight. I met my sister at her place and jumped in with them to go to **' s place. Here is what I saw when we entered the driveway: A tractor trailer' s box ( his kitchen and bed ), a prospector tent ( his shower/bucket ) a wood stove and a table with 5 lawn chairs, a shed that he calls his condo which is 12x20 and will be is new temporary home to replace the tent.. This man had a company worth millions and lost EVERYTHING. He came here with nothing and is starting from scratch at 67 years old !!!!! I couldn' t believe what I was seeing. And to top it off, he is happy. He loves it out there. He gave it all up and he is living life with his new friends which is us.

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Update on my brother for people who followed my posts... It is with sadness that I announce to you his passing last month. He was diagnose with liver cancer and his health deteriorated really quickly. 2 weeks Prior , he married woman4 which no one kept contact with. I am still very close to my ex-sister-in-law ( his first wife for 30 years ). we always kept contact.

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I am sorry for your loss. It's never easy when you have a family member pass away. May he rest in peace.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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I am sorry for your loss. Please accept my sympathies.


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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Dating ???? Not much luck in that department. I dated a co-worker for 9 months and was soon dropped when I turned down buying a business with him. I gave it another try in September just to be told he wanted me to be a friend with benefit. No string attached.. ?????? He was inappropriate on-line, with me and it raised some serious questions in me!!! I AM NOT LIKE THAT and he knew that.. it is one of the reason he respect me so much and yet demand it of me??? By doing so, I have lost respect for him. At work, some days are ok and some are not. I had resigned but my boss refused it. Apparently, I am worth more to the business than I thought. I am very grateful to them. They are very flexible with me and with time, things will be back to normal. Right now, if the tension is to high between me and " co-worker ", I leave the store and go back later. As long as my work is done, my boss has no problem with it.

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Update 6 years and 8 months after BD..
I needed advice or help, anything, concerning the present state me and my kids are in and I asked ex-husband if we could talk in person. I am considering moving away and the kids are in on it.
I won' t give you details but I will give you observations and stunning awakening he has brought up in our conversation.

His words: You are the parent they have always known cause I was working in the bush then as a cop away from home most of the time. You are all they have. They refuse to come live with me and I don' t blame them. I know why and I understand completely.
Your family are good to and for them unlike mine who I have tried to hide from them because of shame I have towards them. I am not a good example when it comes to drinking cause I drink a lot (he could not keep eye contact on this one. he looked sad and shameful). He agree on us moving out of this town (WOWWWW !!! every time this came up, a HUGE fight followed )
He is trying to convince us into moving closer to him. We do not want that. The kids said he would control our every moves and would get from one bad situation into another. I believe them. They have a lot more contact with him than me. In fact, my contact with him is less than 1/ month.

Well, if you have been with me since day one, you will see how HUGE this is. He doesn't blame us anymore. He listen and participates in solving problems with the kids and with me. He has been doing a lot of positive towards the kids like dropping in at work to say hi, buying grocery for our University daughter and spending the evening with her and her boyfriend. ( she said it was weird but at the same time, very nice smile ) All 4 children are getting the good side of ex- husband and I am so thankful and hopeful that it will continue.
that is it for now..

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I'm glad he's starting to make an effort to be there for his children a bit. Hopefully this is the start of him actually waking up and realizing the damage that's been done.

I'm glad he's agreed to the move for you and your children. I hope everything works out for you and your children.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Hoping you are well. Sending you good vibes. Nothing to add but hugs.


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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Thanks! In my discussion with ex- husband, i started with telling him everything each of us were facing. Me and everyone individually. It seems this town has offered everything there was and now, it s running dry. Kids are getting older, college and University will be here once again for the 2 middle one. They both want to go where daughter 1 is. The courses they both want are offered there and daughter1 has been trying to convince us to move closer to her. I, myself am planning of moving around there for my final move once the kids are on their own. With everyghing surrounding us right now, it seems like going now would be benificial to all of us with the exception of ex- husband being here. We would be 5 hours away instead of 30 min.
So many doors and opportunities are rising out of nowhere and i m very aware and attentive. We need darkness to see the light ... smile

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I would like to start a thread where everybody can share their experience years later.

I am 7 years into it. I have a daughter in her third year of University. My son is graduating high school. my second daughter will enter grade 11 this year and my third daughter will be entering grade 8.
I have been a business manager for 5 years. Daughter2 is working for me. My son is employed at a sawmill, full time for the summer. My oldest has been hired by the town Hall where she lives. Everybody is doing great.

Ex-Husband is still a police sergeant. Still drinks but shows signs of moderation. He has made contact with me through the kids. Not much has been said. Just casual hello and keeping himself updated on my house reno. ( I had many this past winter. New water heater, new furnace, finish the basement, new roof and digging the whole front for sealing cracks in the foundation).
A couple of interaction happened at the store as he came to see Daughter2 while I was there.( did not usually happen). Daughter2 said it was weird, the way he looked at me. ( starred)" It was like he was checking you out ??" lol

The second time, I did not see him but he saw me. She ask if I saw him and I said no. Again, She said he kept looking at me for a long period of time.

The third, the expression in his eyes were so tender and loving that I became uneasy.. My co-worker enquired if it was my ex. He said yes. He said he could tell from the look on his face. My immediate reaction was " I know, weird right?" " I don' t know what to think or how to feel"

Anyway, small interaction spread out. maybe once or twice a month.

We got into a small feud because I buy our son a second hand car to travel to work. I got quiet and let him say what he had to say in his angry tone. then, I texted him my response, explaining the why I did it. For me, him and son. He needs it to get to work. He has a 20 minutes commute. It is a good job and a good wage. Son will be making his paiements to me. Once ex heard of the whole story, and also got to see the car, he was ok with it and also pleased..

that is it for now.

Please, give us your updates on here! I would love to hear from you all.

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