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Originally Posted By: otw
Yes! As part of my growing I never want my old marriage back. I see the things she did not like, i see things i did not like. It is almost crazy how clear things are now to me.


This is right on. As much pain as all of this has caused for me and my family, I have asked myself would I take her back now if she said she was willing to return. I don't think I would right now without working on setting a new foundation. One where we can be friends first. Where we can both be individuals and where we could recreate common ground for a lasting MR.

I just hope there is a time in the future where the anger from her will subside so we can have an opportunity to try a friendship.

Thank you otw for your insights and for applying wise advice. Seeing you down the road where I want to walk towards gives me hope in these dark moments early on.


Me 46 Former W 46
D19 D7
BD Feb 2016
WAW moves out 4/16/16
D final 6/1/2017

It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
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So figured I better give an update

I have been reading about the few people making moves towards R and I finally decided to get some courage

Quic recap

W and I are over 1 year since BD and living apart for 7 months. Over the past two months things started feeling different. Interactions were fun happy etc. her attitude toward me seemed different. I was at the point where I needed to know if we had some chance still or if I need to drop things and move forward. I was tired.

Well after a few more fun times as a family and a lot of text and calls about meaningless stuff. I took the plunge. I asked her if she wanted to let my mom spend some time with kids yesterday evening and her and I go do something together. She accepted.

Short story is we went and had a good time. No relationship talk at all. Just wanted to enjoy the evening.

I will update some details later but about to run out and meet her again for a kids run. We will most likely have lunch all together as well

I really don't feel
Much different than before as nothing had changed but baby steps have to happen before anything more can.


M 37
W 34

T 12
M 8
D 7
S 4

Need break 4/12/15
W no ring 7/7/15

Separate room 4/12/15
Separate living suggested 8/15
W moved out 11/1/15
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there ya go otw... way to be. No expectations! Keep it up

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otw Offline OP
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Thanks pinn.

I will give details after the weekend but I am really trying to see the positives. About to have lunch all together then I will not back away completely but will see how things play out as our anniversary is actually coming up next week!


M 37
W 34

T 12
M 8
D 7
S 4

Need break 4/12/15
W no ring 7/7/15

Separate room 4/12/15
Separate living suggested 8/15
W moved out 11/1/15
Joined: Aug 2015
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Hey OTW,

Super happy for you.

You got past a point that because of the pain W caused you were very cautious crossing. i was wonderING when you were going for it. This will help me more then you know. Your time line give me perspective into my sitch. We have not lived apart yet so I HAVE A LOT AHEAD OF ME.


Me late 30's
W mid 30's
T 15, M 10
S4, S7
ILYBNILWY June 2015
In house S July 2015
W rings off Oct 2015
My ring off Feb 2015
Separate houses June 2016
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otw Offline OP
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Vise
That is what I have been trying to get across to you. I know my w had to have a period where she was basically on her own and doing whatever she wanted when ever she wanted.

Basically to make herself not bound and controlled.

Do I think she is out of that yet. No.

I also really don't get the feeling she is looking to jump back into anything yet either.

I think she is testing ground with me and to see how I react to things or just curious.

I must admit I still have some things to work on myself. I get a little mind crazy when I hear some things she said and start wondering about stuff. I have to let that go.


M 37
W 34

T 12
M 8
D 7
S 4

Need break 4/12/15
W no ring 7/7/15

Separate room 4/12/15
Separate living suggested 8/15
W moved out 11/1/15
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 305
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Really glad things seem to be moving forward in your situation. Long road ahead still, but it seems encouraging.


Me-LBH, 44
Spouse-WAW, 41
Married for 9 years
S, 7 S, 5
BD - November 20th 2015
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I appreciate everyone stopping by and kind words.


Am i excited and happy, yes and no.

I am glad we could spend time together. the next day we spent a little more together as well, but there are still some signs that she is still in her fog.

The following day i had mixed feelings from her. She seemed happy then she seemed like she didnt want tme around.

I know she is still wrapped up in her own world and this will also be a long haul if anything comes from it.

I could tell when we had to deal with something with kids and schedule for me to get them that cut into her time to go and do what ever she wanted she quickly went back to her selfish self.

I still get the feeling she is willing to do things as a family when she has the kids and willing to have me around when she is scheduled with the kids, but when she is on her own she wants that her time and we seem to be forgotten.

I am trying not to over look the positive and be glad we are making some strides, but i also am trying to make sure I am not expecting a whole lot yet at this point.


I guess if i can say anything that I need to fall back a bit, i dont want to go dim again, but i need to not initiate things as much right now and see where she stands with everything.

I do know when i was leaving the other evening my daughter was sneaking around trying to watch.

I asked here what she was doing yesterday and she said she told my W to give me a hug and kiss when i left! That little girl!
She said W just kind of gave her a noise and a "i dont know"

anyway, trying to put mind elsewhere as difficult as it is!


M 37
W 34

T 12
M 8
D 7
S 4

Need break 4/12/15
W no ring 7/7/15

Separate room 4/12/15
Separate living suggested 8/15
W moved out 11/1/15
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 305
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I've been trying to re-read your entire situation. When you first separated, or actually anytime during your separation, did you try going Dark? obviously with Kids it's all most impossible to go completely Dark. I've been as Dark as possible since my wife left a month ago. My gut tells me this is the thing to do especially in the beginning. Because after all this is what she asked for, for me to leave her alone. I feel our situations a similar and I'm hoping to gain any insight I can. hopefully not at your expense.


Me-LBH, 44
Spouse-WAW, 41
Married for 9 years
S, 7 S, 5
BD - November 20th 2015
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when she first left for the first 2 months i was short, but cordial. Then we all had xmas together. after the holidays i hated things. we could be a family then after that it was her back to herself. I went dark for january. S birthday was beginning of februry so it had to break. We spent a bunch of time together around then and then dim, then something started changing leading me to where i am now.

I know she noticed the darkness. A friend of hers told me. the friend told me to be upbeat with her and communicate. so i have and we are at this point

I went dark for myself, I had to do something to stop thinking about her and obsessing so much. it was very hard.

I think you are doing the right thing. it is for you but they need to go and do everything they think they are looking for.

I still shake my head some times wondering if she will always be like this now. i have seen signs though.


M 37
W 34

T 12
M 8
D 7
S 4

Need break 4/12/15
W no ring 7/7/15

Separate room 4/12/15
Separate living suggested 8/15
W moved out 11/1/15
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