As the title says, i thought i was on path to feeling better and then I have some bad days sprinkled back in.
I mentioned a few days ago that I believe W has taken kids around what i believe to be some sort of relationship she is having. I could be completely wrong but there are too many signs saying otherwise. I have decided to let this go for now until more develops.
I have been on as much NC as possible with kids. It was helping a ton until my recent instance with the kids. This has me thinking a lot the past few days.
She has also found her way into my dreams for 4 nights in a row. some bad, some great and some just her there.
I have been doing good on my own and been staying busy. Kids and i are always doing fun stuff.
I do have a hard time as the need some reprimanding and when i do i feel bad as I am not taking into consideration what they are going through. Just trying to balance that out in a correct manner.
i think that will get anyone who needs up to speed. Lets see how this time with a new thread goes!
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
OTW I went back and read your sitch and very similar to mine in terms of ILYBNILWY and had warning signs years ago of both of us being in a bad place, tried so MC and had ups and downs.
It's hard with kids as anyone who is going through something like this can't just focus on the kids and be "present". I find myself with a temper that should not be there with my daughter and have caught myself a few times now.
Have you had to interact more with W with the kids lately causing you to have the dreams and not feeling great? i find the more I have to interact, the worst things are for me too
Keep your head up.
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
That is the funny part. I haven't interacted and now my subconscious started to!
Don't get me wrong I still think about her a lot but I can shut it off when it happens
The kid thing is tough. I feel awful for them and when they are acting upset about something I don't feel they should I often wonder if they are just bottling more and not talking.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Ok so the title is fitting perfect right now. I know it is due to the situation with kids possibly being around what I am mind reading into some kind of relationship.
It is just fresh. I am missing her and the family. I try to remember what things were like leading up to BD and how I was looking to make our relationship better but she was prob already checked out and I was just doing damage. I try to remember how bad that felt and say why would you want that. I try to tell myself she has to be wrapped up in someone new since she can't be bothered to call and say goodnight to kids.
I do all of this but I still want things to work.
I want to break the no contact so bad. I know I seen so cold at child exchanges as I basically ignore her. But I can't bare to look at her.
Funny thing is they I am fine when I am alone without the kids. I just become so busy. But when I have kids and we have down time I just look at them and the mind starts going.
Where am I going with this? No clue. Figured better here than anywhere else b
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
It's natural...when I hit the road and I am at work..things are good. I don't feel bad and don't think about things....
I get home (we are living together still until the D is put thru or "things change" which I have zero thoughts around anymore...) and see the daughter, dogs and W and get bummed of the life that we are supposed to have or had...
It's hard. You want to reach out, you want to touch, you want to be back where things were but its changed. I am not sure how things turn out as we don't have a crystal ball but maybe "time" helps your sitch
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
So i just needed to vent a bit last night. I will not break the NC. I gave myself the entire month of January. As of right now I am thinking that i need to take it further. I know S4 bday is in the beginning of Feb and we will be round each other for a few things with this. I will have to put on the game face and be more than prepared for this. I really don't want to spend the time with her, but we have one thing that is just the 4 of us.
On another note, she managed to get a fifth day in a row in my dreams. I remember all of this one. She was cold towards me and i just laughed it off in the dream and moved on with what i was doing. I still knew the feeling hurt but kept going.
D7 looked at me last night and I guess i just had a weird look to me. She said you look sad. I told her just thinking about stuff. She is too smart, she looked at me and said Mommy? I didn't want to lie to her so I told her sure and then proceeded to tell her a bunch of other things as well.
I need to do a better job around her which i typically do. She is way to insightful.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
D7 looked at me last night and I guess i just had a weird look to me. She said you look sad. I told her just thinking about stuff. She is too smart, she looked at me and said Mommy? I didn't want to lie to her so I told her sure and then proceeded to tell her a bunch of other things as well.
I need to do a better job around her which i typically do. She is way to insightful
I dont envy your situation. My S is only 1.5 and I know he feels the changes and senses this kind of stuff but he cant talk so i dont have to explain. I havent read you whole sitch but from what i have read you seen to be doing well with everything. Hang in there and stay strong!
M30 - W29 - S1.5 EA/PA Confirmed - Oct 30, 2015 Confronted W about the A - Nov 1, 2015 W asked for seperation - Nov 22, 2015 W moves out of house - Jan 3rd, 2016
OTW- they know and it stinks. I saw Strngrl post and having 1.5 yr old doesn't make it easier but in only that they DONT know what is going on
My D is 6 and she knows there are issues. She sees me sleeping in another bedroom and we don't do things together. IT TEARS at my heart daily but I keep a happy face all the time with her. I did have a breakdown a few months ago in front of her crying and she birst into tears. Said I had stomach pains/virus and was in pain..ugh
Have you seen any therapists together on how to tell the kids? Any advice if so?
We are going to go at the right time...soon....on how to handle this as she is an only child and will struggle regardless of anyone telling me kids are resilient
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
I just wanted to throw some support your way. I won't give much advice because as you know, I need as much myself as I can get. I am decent with NC but it cannot imagine how hard that would be with children.
I think your thoughts running wild about the hockey are normal. You just have to focus on what you can control. A few months ago, I was on netflix (I use her account still) and noticed that she had binged watched a show, about 4 episodes in one night. We used to do that. I said to myself, there is no way she did that alone. I freaked and was convinced there was someone. The good people helped me with that and reminded me not to mind read. Maybe there was, but I cannot control that.
