Spoke to my L yesterday...only took three emails and a phone call to get a response from her. Apparently she still hasn't heard a peep from my STXW's L which is odd. Not odd in any positive sense, just more odd in the "everything since BD has been confusing" sense.
When I left home two months ago my W was angry that I was stalling the D, and her attorney had told her that this was a ploy by me. She actually called me two faced and said I was a hypocrite and a liar. Yet as of yesterday, (if my L is telling the truth) they haven't moved at all on this.
My STXW was very clear on my last day that she wasn't a D, wants this all taken care of by the time I leave the country in a few weeks, and hopes I find someone who loves me and wants to be with me - and reiterated that person wasn't her! (such a love)
Doesn't change anything, it actually frustrates me a bit at this point as it appears to be mixed messages. Like so many people on here it feels like a slow meander down the plank, although it does feel like the waters below have a lot more potential for fun and excitement than they are filled with hungry sharks.
Sincerely,
A slightly confused PP.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Your wife is on her journey. With you out of the picture she owns all the baggage. Treat her to your world famous kindness and compassion. She may be struggling. Peace
Thank you V, I wish I had known what "projecting" was back in the early days of my sitch. I think it would have saved me from mentally trying to defend myself over and over.
Mutatio!! Good to have you on here my friend, I appreciate your wisdom. I'm not sure what to do with my STXW. I'm 7 weeks of NC, and I mean NC NC. Haven't even reached out for a photo of my dog since that means talking to her or remembering she's alive.
True story: Last night I actually had a dream that we were getting remarried. The last time this happened my IC, who is a Jungian Analyst, got all excited as he said it was a powerful dream.
Well, in last nights dream, we were about to start the ceremony and I pulled my phone out and texted my best friend, "$20 says she gets up and walks right out in the middle of this."
Funny, but not funny. I guess I'm a little bit wiser the second time around.
Deep breaths yet again today for us all.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
PP, still loving the journey your taking this year. It's such an inspiration to see parts of it unfold. Who knows why W is dragging her feet with thr paperwork, in the end it either will or will not happen and that's not something you can control anyway.
Those dreams will get ya, I've had so many strange ones this last year. It's even more surprising how often their meaning match up to my life when I look them up. Keep up the amazing work.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
True story: Last night I actually had a dream that we were getting remarried. The last time this happened my IC, who is a Jungian Analyst, got all excited as he said it was a powerful dream.
Not to butt in - but I've been hating dreams with my W, my subconscious realizes my sitch and I suddenly pop up wide awake knowing it's not real.
Last week I had a dream where I was sitting watching a movie and the W comes in and sits next to me, holds my hand and puts her head on my shoulder and says "I'm sorry". I was all "wow, maybe we can..." and then I bolted awake.
Later the next morning (I was up all night after that) the L calls me saying the W's L called - saying that the W said she wanted to stop the D. Had I been talking with her? Are we going to reconcile? I had no idea what my L was talking about. The L asked me to reach out and see what was going on. I said I would - and then thought better of it and did nothing. I hadn't seen that early that morning the W had texted me saying "I told my L to stop the D".
I excitedly logged on here, almost doing somersaults. But I knew I shouldn't allow myself to get that way. And everybody else here did too.
So, about 9 hours after being texted (and only a couple of hours after I saw the text, really) I texted back "what do you mean by this" and to please email, not text as I rarely catch text messages (not a phone person).
almost 24 hours later, she emails me saying she meant something totally different than "stop the divorce" and was more giving me a lecture on how her lawyering up and demanding everything was an "us" thing, the lawyers were protracting things for their own benefit, and we were better than to have these disagreements. She then suggested a friend as a mediator.
I never answered back. Combination of heartbroken and ticked off. 3 days later we had our first court date and she was doubling down on demands and backing out of promises. She sure forgot that email pretty darned fast.
Stupid dreams.
Me: 58 Her: 59 Kids: 0 Dog: 1 ILYBINILWY: 9/15 D Bomb: 1/11/16 (found out filed) Verified OM: 1/11/16 Moved out: 1/11/16 (thought it was temporary)
Friday was my STBXW's bday. We have had zero contact since January despite there being any real animosity. I sent her a "happy bday, hope you have a great day" text and went about my day. No reply from her.
That's my update. Not a big deal at this point. My L still says she's heard nothing from my STBXW's camp so we're still in a holding pattern. Hold we will.
I've met a ton of fascinating people while traveling, both men and women and hear the same story over and over about the struggles people are engaged in both in their relationships and in their personal lives. Has opened me up to both how un-unique my sitch is as well as giving me more empathy for the struggles my W must have had in order to walk out.
One more day on the journey...
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
