Don't have much time for details on how busy I have been with doctors for S21, college stuff for S19 and all the football and whining from S15 (almost 16 now).
Glad for the update and I do think that posting is a great way of getting things out of our chests. Somehow it helps a lot, gives me energy.
Like you I also think that I am a doormat for my kids. I do things for myself but my family was and is the first of my priorities. Part of my admiration for you is exactly that. You are a family man and that is not little value, it is an amazing work of love and caring.
I always say that I know what it takes to be there for the kids and I mean it. Life with teenagers is crazy and when you decide to be part of it, then crazy has another dimension.
I don't really know what to think about your W. As well, I don't know what to think about my XH. They did all this to their families, they live in an emotional misery and are always present in our lives, but they do not want us.
So, I guess only time will tell if life will take another turn and we may be somewhat happy again.
I always think about you, every single day when I feel something I think that maybe you are feeling the same. Sometimes I cry and look at a broken family and I think your heart may be aching for that too. Sometimes my legs and feet are hurting and I am still pushing myself to get all done about the kids and I think you are doing the same. I can even picture you running lots of errands and going crazy with so much to do in a house.
And sometimes I picture the man in solitude. Like me, you probably goes into thinking what the future really holds for you. If you need to stand up and just let that heart be empty about feeling for your W or if you keep holding a little longer on some hope that does not resolve itself.
You are an amazing man RD, you have been done what many would just get by in your situation. You had, have and will always support your kiddos and it is a priceless value you hold.
Your integrity and kindness are 1st class. You are a good friend here, help many to see the other side of the story. You have been learning a lot and is now a different man emotionally.
OK, you will say you are scared, afraid someone will enter that heart and break it into pieces again. There is nothing wrong or bad with that. It is actually something good, because you will never let yourself go again, you will be an individual being in a R with another individual being. Just together by choice.
I wish I can comfort you more, but like you I have my own turmoil and I don't really know how to solve it now, besides letting time and distance to do the work for me.
I guess your feelings with your W is kind of mixed up with the feelings for what you had planned - A FAMILY. This is what bothers me the most lately, knowing that my family is broken is something that breaks my heart. Knowing what my kids are going through is an infinite pain.
RD, you know that you are the dearest member of this board to me. I care for you more then you can image. I wish that you will have a better life soon. That your heart will be free of so many wounds and you will feel joy again.
And talking about joy, any GAL that you have been doing or done? Tells us RD adventures. What are the cold adventures for this man?
I know you had to take care after D15 and that is no easy stuff. You are indeed a good dad. My kids go through stuff and their father is never there for them.
I will update my page, not much happening with XH, just the same old that is getting older. Decided to change jobs, I am looking for something else in order to make more money. Got my taxes done and planned for taxes next year and just happen that my government thinks I make too much money, so they will collect a lot from me.
In view of all what I need to pay, I need to move forward and look for ways to bring more bacon. But makes me sad that I may not be able to just take my vacations as I was planning. We will see, maybe things will turn around and it will be possible. I still think we would have a blast drinking some beer and maybe you can teach me how to ride a bike again. So many years away from those babies.
My advice? I really don't have one besides what you are already doing. Being supportive, caring, understanding, breaking your own boundaries to accommodate the kids emotional side, working hard and keep it all together. What else can you do?
You are indeed a very good man, keep being the person you are.
Hi Anjo. You are way too kind. I'm only doing what any dad would do in my position. I'm very lucky that I have my kids 24/7. Obviously there are challenges but having the challenges is better than not having them
W leaving has brought me closer to my girls , the boys and I were always close but now myself and the girls have formed a stronger bond
I've read your posts and didn't respond to your last one to me because I feel your on the edge of EXH making a move to come home. I could be wrong but at the same time I don't think so and while think you deserve more I truly believe yourself and EXH will get there eventually
You've been a great friend to me and I do think of you often I would love to take you for a spin on my bike , I would have you screaming with delight and terror at the same time and I'm sure we would entertain each other with tales of high speed antics If and when you ever come to Ireland , it will be a visit I hope you never forget
Perhaps we should approach aTV company to film our meeting because we would make a fortune !!!!
Thank you so much for the kind words I know the struggle you are going through and I would advise you to slow down on your thinking re EXH and let what will be , be Good ghings are In your future and you seserve them all
I'm lying on the sofa watching Zoolander , I still have lunches to make for tomorrow and washing to sort out but your post has given me a massive boost The fire s lit and roaring , I have dark chocolate and a can of cola , my new puppy is cuddled in and my favourite lady in the whole world just sent me a lovely post , life isn't bad really. !!!!
So how things are going lovely. By not posting I would think that you are dealing with the same situation as before with your W.
RD, I know it takes time, and that you do think that you two can have a life together, but I still think that perhaps you two could talk about things even with the intent of some closure.
Sometimes in a very long M, there are issues we don't even realize were there. I know how hard it is to face our fear of rejection, but the more we understand and search for answers, the more we feel whole again.
Perhaps, communication will clear some of the path to a better R, as it is to be back together or just make things a little more defined so you can look forward.
Have you guys ever had "the talk"...why things got were they got? It's not the easiest talk, but one that makes us feel better.
Think about. Talking with no hard feelings is freeing yourself too.
Hi Pink. In my sitch when W left she was in a very bad way , she has gone on anti Ds, and she struggled with her life but she seems to have settled and created a new life for herself. There is no.hadshness against me and she has apologied for how she acted There is no rewriting of history and W sayswe had a good M but she just got lost
I feel W has made her choice and she is moving on with it. Like I advise others , I am accepting of her choices and I am moving on too it's tough because when W is here it's like she never left but she did so life must go on
We have never talked about the M because she doesn't really have any complaints. I believe she just feel out of love and wanted a different life
I have to respect that OM or anyone in her new life is kept out of mine and the kids lives so we are spared potential pain and heartache
I do feel it's sad that W wouldn't work on it but we all have choices and that was hers
Thanks for posting Anjo , it's nice to have friends on here that care. I'll be happy again and this will have been a very tough time but one I got through
What your W said resonated with me. My H said something similar - that our R was good, but that he lost something within himself. He felt a void within.
I wouldn't agree that your W has chosen a new path and is moving on. I believe she is in the midst of her crisis and is still working though what she has lost and how she can find it. I don't believe the journey has ended for either of you yet and I think it is hard for us to appreciate just how long these journeys can take. Years not months - for us both.
But of course, she will do what she will do in her own timescale. The same goes for you. And your life will be what you make it, with or without your W as a central part of it. She may start to reconnect at some point. I read recently that it is rare for MLC spouses to start towards reconnection within 2 years, so that puts things into perspective. And we can understand why some spouses move on before that may even begin. However you get to choose just how long your door may be open a little.
The main thing is achieving contentment and peace within yourself despite all circumstances. Sorry not to have been in touch lately my friend, but I do think of you often xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thanks ladies , quite day to day , we all went on a 5 mile walk after I had woken everyone up with a fry up !!! When we got back everyone was exhausted so they relaxed while I washed the car and did a few jobs
Just finished the sandwiches and settled down in front of the TV with a traditional Paddys day drink , vodka and coke !!!
Thinking about you and how our lives are so far away and yet so similar. It's another day and another stand up and go, do what needs to be done, looking forward, moving forward and blah, blah, blah.
Today we have a horrible Colorado blizzard and it is one of those days that moving forward have not much of a meaning since many things stop and are just waiting until it gets better.
I have been feeling the way you write about your sitch. I think it all is stagnant at the moment and there is no way out besides looking into my own life and what I can do with it from now on.
Lately, I find myself not wondering about my XH anymore, I noticed I have a lot of pain thinking about the dream I created for my own life. I was wild, did a lot of crazy things in my life and then when I met XH, it was that time in life when you think you can go in another direction and build a family.
The death of that dream aches inside my heart. I know I have my kids and that is my family. But I also know that the dream family I created is no longer there. The future will always be as a broken family, it will follow us forever and that is where my pain has been the worse.
At this point I actually understand better what you have been saying for awhile. Now, I can see what you mean.
I really hope that life is getting somewhat easier for you. To say the truth, I do not think so. The unfairness of it all, the hard work you need to put to keep the everyday going, it is heart ache and does not leave room for too much happiness these days.
I keep thinking about what you always said to me. That I will get through it and will be happy one day. It carries me over and give me hope that one day I can feel just easy in my own skin.
I also realize that my happiness needs to come from within alone moving forward, I am very afraid to even think that I will try to think about happiness with someone else. I have been betrayed more then once and I don't know if I can ever trust anyone else in my life.
I know it is silly to think like that now. Time may be the healer for my heart and my pain, but at my age I am afraid to open up again and invite more trouble into my life. Sometimes I think that I will be safe if I stay with myself only.
I wonder what you think about your own life now. What is that you are looking forward? How do you envision your life in 5 and 10 years from now on?
I had a friend saying that I need to go back and be the person I was before and I just look at her and said that it wouldn't be a good idea at my age. I just picture dressing myself in black, having a bike and really not giving a crap for the next day.
Ha, my kids would be horrified to see their mom so punk. I guess I can always blame "The Cure" for my behavior. Lol.
RD, hope life is getting better for you and that your kids are OK. Spring is here and that may be a lift for you and the kids as I think it will be for me and my kids too. More outdoor activities and a little more freedom to have fun.
I'll just stop in and say Hi too, RD. I had to smile at Pinks comment - it's another day, stand up and go, do what needs doing, move forward - blah, blah. I feel so like that sometimes!
I hope you are managing to move forward and are finding some joy in your life, despite circumstances. Any updates on how your W is doing RD? Is she still engaged in treatment and did she start the talking therapy as well as the meds?
I recall you were looking at separatation arrangements and a possible house move....have things progressed on those fronts at all? Hope those lovely kids are doing well and you are all having some fun together.
do post an update when you get chance my friend xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
