RD Movin on 13co

[Vanilla]

I think d is 14? Was it her birthday recently?

V

[Pink17]

Hello Lovely,

Long time don't write to you. I guess we are again in the same situation. And I guess we are getting very weary for not being loved.

I know how hard it is to raise kids. It is a no stop job and there are challenges on the psychological side that has been so much affected by the sitch and by ours spouses behaviors.

I feel in between the lines you wrote that you would like your W to just spill it out that she regret what she did and would like to work with you on a new R, but keep a family that was built so long time ago.

I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation RD, as well I feel sorry for my family that we are in this mess too. I know you value your family and sacrifice a lot for them. It's just so unfortunately that our spouses can't be less selfish and think about what is really matter.

V is right, we all would like to hear that you made some space for yourself and had some kind of fun. Like a class, meditation, martial arts, dance instructions, swimming, whatever RD. It does not need to be related to any other person, but it would be for you.

I am giving myself a chance to interact with other people in a health way. I sure do not want any R with anyone right now. I know I am 100% not ready for that. But I feel better that I am giving the chance to meet new people and go out with them.

I hope your kids are good and not overwhelmed with so much studies right now. How is D14 (15) doing?

RD, and V is right too that I would like to meet you one day. Not sure about the confetti on motor bikes, but it would be really enjoyable to meet you and have that chat along with a cold beer.

I guess we need to start a silly party around here again, we have been too quite and it is not fun. What about helping me with some recipes? I am a bad chef, my kids are complaining that sometimes my steaks tastes and feels like rubber.

I tend to hate the fact that it takes two or three hours to prepare a good meal, and it takes about 15min for the dinosaurs to eat it all. The I am left with the dirty dishes.

It seems like we can eat everything that we don't cook, we just peel. It is not much work and is better for you. Well, but the monsters in my house need protein, and they are always hungry.

Anything to share?

RD, I am pretty busy and do not write much these days, but I think about you often. I always tough we have a similar situation even tough it is also different. I just think about what your days are like comparing it to my days.

Sometimes it feels good, everything works and there is a sense of peace inside my heart. Some other times it feels very conflicted, I lose control of my emotions and have that horrible pain inside of me that seems not to go away very easy.

Some other times I would like to just stop, just have a break and rest, but I know it is impossible. I am the responsible parent and I am the only one to hang in there for my kids.

So easy for some people to think they are doing their best and yet they are taking care after themselves first and letting go on the ones that they are suppose to love unconditionally.

Lately, when someone says that I need to do this or that for myself, I just say that I am doing what I can, what I want and I know where my shoe hurts me. No one is doing it for me, I am the one to stand up every day and keep the fight, keep moving forward, sideways, you name it.

I could write forever. But I need to get back to work. By the way, just got another text from my idiot XH. What the hell uhn?
Hope you are having a good day RD.

Funny, but my kids just asked me about you yesterday.

I will email you later, also would like to know if it would be possible to call you even tough we have the 7 hours different what is a hassle with our schedules.

How is the winter going? We had a big storm last week and still have some snow on the ground. Looking forward to have a lovely spring. When is a good time to visit Ireland RD? My kids start summer vacations at the end of may, so from there to sometime beginning of august, it would be a good time for me to adventure my visit.

Let me know lovely RD,
From the Diabo Anjo...
Cira

[Vanilla]

how are you?

V

[rd500]

Hi V. Thanks for checking in. I'm good. I don't post much because it feels my journey is done for now I'm very lucky in lots of ways and have no spew or re writing of history W tells me I'm a great dad and how lucky the kids are ( this was last week ) W says she is the problem and the M was good W appears to be struggling with her life and I don't hear of OM in any way.

She has started staying on a Friday night because we had an issue with D15 and W asked could she stay every second Friday as D15 won't go to Ws flat. I agreed and W has stayed every week since. ( 6 weeks )

When I look at my sitch I feel that W simply fell out of love with the family She still cares and has apologised for her words and actions on BD. she was at doctors recently and was advised to get counselling because GP felt she was coping with separation healthy. W still calls and text most days but appears to be getting on with her life

I believe that it's just a case of she dosent know why she feel out of love but just did I have accepted OM is not romantic because SIL and other friends are truly convinced and it's almost 16 months since she left and I think it would have emerged by now.

My IC wants me to give it another 6 months but I'm not sure

Kids all doing ok , bit sad at the moment due to D15 but that seems to be passing

I'll post a bit more often because it does help to get feedback

Take care. Rd

[Vanilla]

RD

I dont post much on my thread any more except about the PTSD.

I have pretty much learned detachment and am applying it in all my sitch and actions.

It helps a lot.

Fins are desperate thats my main issue although swamped with work.

I have always thought your WW had an EA with OM, he is an alcoholic with drug interaction and frankly may lack capacity to have a PA.

Heaven knows!!!

Why would anyone leave a man like RD?

I always had the image of RD riding into the sunset with his honey on his bike. Romantic huh?

I know D15 will be ok with a dad like RD.

I do so love hearing about your lovely happy family, dearest kindest daftest bruv.

V

[Sotto]

Hi RD, it's always good to hear from you my friend. And I agree with V - I think you're great too & I so appreciate your kindness and support on the forum.

You seem to be doing pretty well in all the circumstances and it's good to see your W more involved in family stuff too. So, I know she has been on AD's (and she saw LC once or twice) but talking therapy would be a new thing for her? That's good if she engages with that treatment, and may lead to some more progress.

As for you RD - your IC says give it six more months. If you choose or choose not to do that, what will that look like? If you were 'done' would you actually be doing anything different to what you are doing now anyway? I'm not trying to sound challenging....just wondering where you're up to in your thinking really...

Yes, I enjoy reading about your lovely family stories - you always convey such warmth with what you post - it says a lot about you.

Take care RD xx

[PigPen]

Hi RD,

Thank you for posting an update, I saw V's bump yesterday and thought of how many times you've give spot on advice and no BS thoughts to my stitch and others. It sounds like things are in a moderately good holding pattern for you. Your W is contacting and staying at your house, is even apologetic. All good things I'd say.

I'm curious with Sotto, what happens in 6 months? You're a successful business man, as well as the leader of your family, you seem like you're a man with a plan. Is 6 months a magic number? What would you change if you could? And if you can't and things stay status quo, what's the next set of plans for the man himself?

You are certainly appreciated on the board RD, I've gone back a few times and reviewed what you've written to me and taken it to heart. It has helped my friend, it really has.

My best to you,
PP

[rd500]

Hi Sotto and PP. great to hear from you both Re the 6 month thing , I think IC wants to give W time and believes W is coming forward very slowly Who knows ?

PP , you are so right ( except for the successful bit ) I always have a plan and I like to think I can get anything done and don't let much get in my way However with my R I picked a road and I have no idea if it's right or wrong.

I won't be hurt like this ever again , by anyone so that rules out a new R with W and no serious Rs with anyone Obviously never say never but ............

We are all different and I follow the DB way as best I can. I can ( possibly ) appear to W as being a doormat where kids are concerned but this is my choice and its not done to influence W. I still love W and from her actions I believe she will want to come home one day but I can't see it happening due to my insecurities

The only DB thing I haven't done is keep the road home smooth. I don't discuss R and even when W has apologised for her actions and words I just say it's in the past now

Thanks again for posting and PP I would love an update

Take care. Rd

[Fogg]

Hey RD, just wanted to stop by and offer my support. I'm like you and might appear to be a doormat with the kids but she's respectful over it and I just want more time with my kids so i dont care as much. I take them more often for me and them, has nothing to do with her. Not much else I can add but wanted to let you know I appreciate your comments. Thanks for sticking around.

[rd500]

Thanks Fogg. I'm still on the DB journey for me now.

Take care. Rd