Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 10 11
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,447
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,447
Chiming in to say, think of it as a business decision. Who gets what isn't based on who lives where. Assets need to be split based on what belongs to who. Don't let emotions get in the way, you could end up kicking yourself for that!

Hope you are feeling better. It's easy to read from your posts that you are a sweet, compassionate, smart and strong woman. You seem to know how to keep yourself going, good job Sotto smile


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,597
Likes: 2
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,597
Likes: 2
Hi Sotto - I agree completely with everyone else. I thought just as Mleigh did in that your h has a choice where he wants to live and with that chichi choice comes a price tag. His choice is not on you.

I am jumping over here because you just posted (on my thread) the degressive order of your h's wish list to fix the m. My h followed the same pattern but vocalized a different order: wanting to be a father again, unhappy with where he was in life, lonely, wanting to sleep with other women and having me be sexy all the time + other "recommendations" in this same vein.

It is quite astounding, to me, that your h asked this and was mid-A. It is amazing that he could not see that the common denominator in this whole dynamic was him!

You are a very kind, good person Sotto. I always appreciate all your advice to me and to others.


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
S
Sotto Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
Thanks all for your thoughts - I do feel more settled about my response on the financials, particularly as this was the formula H suggested to me a while ago. Not sure why he then came back with a lower settlement offer, but oh well.

HaWho, yes that is interesting and you can see why we go through a phase of trying to catch up with their needs and bend ourselves all out of shape in the process.

Just thought I'd post a quick update. Nothing much to report, but have had quite a social time. Went out with a friend on Sun pm to hear some live music, and then working last couple of days. I'm off today and meeting up with a friend for lunch, then yoga tonight. Last night I had my gym induction and did a workout, which was good.

All is quiet from H and the L's since I responded on financials, so we'll wait and see on that one. From later this month, H will be able to finalise the D, so I imagine he will be keen to get everything resolved. I'm feeling pretty calm about it all again now. The one thing that stays on my mind is the need for our marital home to be cleared at some point. That weighs on me, and I think of it most days. I could take the initiative and get stuff out now, but I don't feel it makes sense to try and sell a half empty house, and practically I have all I need just now. I guess I'll just be glad when that bridge is crossed.

More social plans coming up with my divorce group chums, so that is pleasant. We have a 'chat group' so there is some ongoing banter back and forth on that - all very nice. So, I'm generally doing fine and pleased that Spring is going to be around the corner. I'm still practicing gratitude and one that is on today's list....

Have a great day all xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 596
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 596
Hi Sotto - I can't believe you have had a thread on MLC that I didn't know about! I always assumed you had no thread and were so detached from H that you just helped others like me! Doh!

I will be giving my L my financials on Friday. It's all very complex, with us each having different savings/endowment/insurance some pre dating the M.

Also I put a small inheritance into the latest house renovation. Also 3 have moved house 3 times in 15 years and I can't remember what we each contributed towards deposit and stamp duty and horrendous estate agent fees.

I guess the L will advise on Friday and I might have to hunt down some docs.

I will try to read your backstory as well.


Me49 W45
T15 M13
S11 S8
BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12
Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12
W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing!
May-Oct14 drifting
Dec 14 W agrees to more QT
BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY
W filed 1/25/16
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
S
Sotto Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
Haha, I wish....I actually can't remember how many threads I do have. I lost count a few back smile Is that a good sign or otherwise I'm not sure.

Yes, I've been over here in MLC for a while now. I did post in Newcomers for a time, then moved across.

Good luck with the financials. Our affairs are also pretty complex and the whole disclosures process did take some time. I took form E one section at a time and gathered info as I went. That seemed to help...

Best of luck to you smile


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,004
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,004
Hi Sotto,

Just want to stop by to say that I keep you in my heart and wish you the best. It is a difficult time and I am very thankful that you are a bright and wise woman and is taking good care after yourself.

What about the Irish pub with live music? Did you have a chance to visit it yet?

I can see how busy the divorce chumps can be. In my group people are always setting up new activities, it's awesome.

Love you bunch,
Pink


Pink17
S22,19 and 16
D:8/5/2015



Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 596
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 596
Hi Sotto I read a fair bit of your backstory since Oct, as well as a few early posts to get the background.

Just to say I was nearly on Santas sleigh at Christmas! And I won't be able to enter a bookshop without wondering !

Thanks you for all yr contributions on my thread - every one is appreciated smile


Me49 W45
T15 M13
S11 S8
BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12
Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12
W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing!
May-Oct14 drifting
Dec 14 W agrees to more QT
BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY
W filed 1/25/16
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
S
Sotto Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
Hi Pink, I did go to the Irish music with a friend and it was good. The pub also run a regular quiz and friend suggested getting a team together for that.

Isit - funny about Santa's sleigh! It was a great night actually. Luckily I wore trainers....I had no idea how much running was involved. You'd be fine - but running is not a natural state for me!

I was at the bookstore yesterday and I'm off for a walk with some of my DRW chums today. Forecast isn't great, but I hear there's a coffee shop on the route grin .

Feeling pretty good. I do feel I have reached a point of acceptance and letting go of H. I accept that the D will happen and feel pretty positive about life. I don't feel particularly angry any more - towards him or towards OW. I'm able to wish them well now (most times anyway.) I don't really feel the need for any further closure and I'm expecting to move on gradually after the D. I'm perfectly fine here - what I struggle with more is potentially having contact with H. I don't mind by email, text or even phone - but to see him in person I would find stressful and I don't want to have to do that - I guess there's still some healing to do there.

Couple of new things arranged - meeting up with SS and his Mum for lunch soon and off to have lunch and play bingo with a new friend next week - should be interesting!

Have a great weekend all xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
Hi Sotto, just popping up to up to say hi. Thanks for stopping by my thread. I found that e-mail is the easiest way to communicate with H too. At least it used to be. I used to be very nervous about his texts and phone calls (which luckily were pretty rare). Now, I don't care so much and don't get nervous. I think I’m starting to accept that H is gone. I think I’m ready for D, if he initiates it, and that it could help me to finally let go of that last piece of rope that I’m still holding onto.

I am glad you feel better. Yes, there is still some healing to do. You are doing great though. I like your social plans. Have a great weekend!


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
S
Sotto Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
Thanks Bright smile Yes it is a process, and I guess it just all takes the time it takes and varies for all of us.

Had a nice weekend, with a great walk out with my divorce group chums. We had a really good laugh, and it made me realise that I stopped having fun like that for a while. It's good it has returned.

I'm working tomorrow and then off to a mini-workshop with a couple of friends in the evening. I've offered to host a Valentine's Day dinner for a group of chums from the divorce workshop next weekend. I'm quite excited....not sure how many yet, but looks as though 5 or 6 can come. If I had known last Valentines Day that I would have been doing this, I would have been pretty pleased!

Have a great week all xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Page 3 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard