Just read up on your musings on the other thread. As job said all you listed, well it's normal ... All that coulda woulda shoulda... Nothing we could do and I think you know this, the crisis was all wrapped up tightly and any normal sane person would not have seen it coming, maybe now I would have some intense questions for a potential new partner and no doubt they would run for the hills and label me psycho... Lol. That being said I don't think there is much a LBS can do to stop a D if the MLCr is hellbent on going that route. Keep in mine he is doing this thinking it's the fast track to happiness this ending his pain, he has to experience this and will most likely face the reality it wasn't and he alienated the one person who truly cares for him as you obviously do.
I've been reading a bit... Ok... A lot and so many of our stories there is not much positive for such a long time it's frustrating. Truth is nothing we can do but put ourselves back together and allow them to bottom out, maybe then they do the work we were forced to do, the blessing/curse of this is we have a 2-3 year head start and frankly our issues are a bit easier to address.
I've admired the way you've walked your journey, also admired the way you help so many people here, your a gold nugget in the cave that you never asked to be in. Keep your chin up, know he has to go down this road on his own... My hopes are he will arrive at that Doh moment before its to late.
I think CaliGuy nailed it in the head. You are doing an amazing work on keeping yourself sane, moving forward and learning how to be a even better you.
Some people have the need to feel right and do what they think is right, but everything we do will have some consequence tomorrow, and he may get a different feeling once it is all done.
I wouldn't say all this if was just from reading a novel, I say it because I am living it. You know my final D was on 8/5/15. And yet, after some months, I have XH asking to talk something "between us".
It may be nothing, but it does not eliminate the fact that he still wants to talk. So, you never know, once he has the D in his hands, he may start thinking about what he did.
I just hope that you continue moving forward and taking good care after yourself. This time in your life is not a very easy time and you will need to hold on.
You are a sweet and wise woman, we all admire you a lot and think that with or without your H you will always thrive in your life.
Again , following behind others to say the same. If your dopey H does get his D , nothing will change for him , he will still be chasing the rainbow and never be able to catch it.
Please remember that this was never really about you or the M , it was always about his dream for the impossible. MLC 101 !!!
You will thrive because your an intelligent , sensitive , kind , insightful , caring ( and something tells me attractive ) person.
Thanks for being you , you've helped me and so many others that in a way H did us a favour
I almost never venture into the MLC forum, but you are worth it. I see that D is close. I don't have anything to add to what others have said, but I just wanted to offer my support as one who is also heading in that direction.
On second thought, perhaps I will add something: your mere presence here is testament to the fact that you did everything you could to save your M. You will have regrets, but you really shouldn't. You are living your life in a way that conforms to your values. For this reason, I *know* that great things are in store for you.
Thanks for all you do here. Your H does not know what he is losing.
P.S. Check out the DB songbook thread. There is a song I posted to it, by the struts (HT: Runn79r). I am not enamored with the song itself, but the lyrics may be just what you need.
Ah Guys, I woke up the other morning and had some lovely posts waiting for me - and I so appreciated it - thank you. Cali, thanks so much for your wise words. It is true that I need to let the 'could I, should I' etc go. I certainly feel largely at peace with what I have done since BD, and that is the main thing.
RD and Pink (Bro and Sis) - thank you. RD, it is good to hear you call my H a 'dope' and thank you for your description of me. Sometimes I find myself thinking - maybe I'm just not all that great to live with and somehow I don't see it? Like it' some who is in denial rather than otherwise. Not a healthy train of thought I know. And Pink, you are so kind too. Rai, thank you for the hug and the song recommendation - I'll look that one up, and Bttrfly - thanks for the hug.
I've been doing okay really. This week was a busy one with work. I worked four days, then covered at the bookstore all day today. It has been good to be so busy and has taken my mind off things - settled me again. Tomorrow, my oldest friend and her son are coming for lunch and we are going out for the afternoon. Mon and Tues I'm working away and then I'm out for a drink with my divorce group chums Tues evening. Thurs, is a ladies social group beauty pamper evening. I had my first singing lesson yesterday - the singing part was a bit excruciating after 20 years break - but my teacher seems to think we can do some stuff together and was very encouraging. Oh, and I signed up for a new walking group.
It's been pretty quiet from H. A couple exchanges about house stuff. It's weird, he will prompt something and this time I responded back with a simple query. It then took him two days to come back with a simple answer. Then I did what was asked and confirmed, and no reply. The good thing about this is I just tend to shrug now. My L wrote to his early last week asking them to propose a settlement, and we haven't heard back since then. I'm a little twitchy about that as I thought we were pretty much there with the figures - but I guess time will tell on that one.
Hope you all have a great weekend xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto you are the Queen of GAL activities! I'm so glad the singing lesson was promising. Something about singing always makes me feel better. Seems you are moving forward best you can, focusing on you. All good. Keep going Sotto. You're really doing great in terrible circumstances. xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
