I sat up and watched it get light outside. I cannot stop thinking about my sons. I've walked around my house a hundred times this morning and I hate the way it echoes now. It's like a fresh wave of hurt and pain and betrayal now even though I knew this was coming. Another man has used my ' best daddy' mug. This hurts so much. How dare she. I hate her with every atom in my body but I miss her so much. Yesterday was the worse day of my life. I suppose it can only get better from here on in. I am forcing myself to start clearing up the mess that's left and I'll try to look forward to seeing my boys when ever that might be.
me45,W43 S9,S5 T15yrs M10yrs BD 4/07/15 W wants D 4/07/15 W filed 8/05/15 D petition arrived 21/12/15 Merry xmas, W,S5 S9 moved out 5/2/16
I'm glad to hear you have a bit more control over your emotions. Your boys need a father in their life. Keep coming back to that when despair starts to overtake you. The unconditional love your dog shows you can't hurt either. You can do this!!!!
Me:44 W:38 T:10.5 M:7.5 D:3 BD: 7/2015 W moves out of MBR: 9/2015 WW files for D: 2/8/2016
Firstly, thank you to all those who have taken the time to offer support. This has been without doubt the most difficult and painful couple of days in my life. I am being denied access to my two boys but did see them for a couple of hours yesterday. We went to the park, played rugby and zip slide etc. My boys tell me they are sad. They burst into tears when they saw me but I was nothing but happy and confident in front of them and after the initial tighter than usual hugs, they were soon laughing and giggling telling me all about their new house. I have not spoken to WAW except a couple of texts. I asked to see them next weekend and all I got was ' go through solicitor' I was warned by mine that this was likely as it is her last bit of power and control. I spent the weekend painting my living room, just to make it different. Hardly any point as I am due to receive an order to force it up for sale. I do not know where I will live. My divorce NISI is imminent. WAW and I have been separated for 7 months in same house and now live apart. In this time she has done absolutely zero to even attempt to communicate or talk about our M and R. This has hurt me so much. at first I did write but after finding the site did the rules. We came close a couple of times to reconciling but it never felt she was trying. She has been hell bent on perusing divorce and has mirrored her friends divorce in an almost spooky way. I think I can safely say there is no point what so ever even trying or thinking about the possibility of ever being a family again. My contempt at the way she has done things is making me bitter and angry. I have always been a positive person but I feel now like every day is just killing time till bed so I can hide from it all. I seriously thought about overdose over the weekend and it still seems like a viable option. I know I have boys etc but the pain is immense. I have always been a family man. Family was the most important thing to me. It has been taken from me and it looks certain I will never have it back. I don't want to GAL anymore. I don't like going out. I want to play football in the garden while wife bakes her cakes. I want to take my boys swimming as a family. I want to have them running in to Mummy and Daddy on a Sunday morning while we cuddle. Hope is just a trick. There is no hope. Just a long drawn out period of pain, anxiety, solicitors and hurt while she does what the hell she likes until I die of heartache.
me45,W43 S9,S5 T15yrs M10yrs BD 4/07/15 W wants D 4/07/15 W filed 8/05/15 D petition arrived 21/12/15 Merry xmas, W,S5 S9 moved out 5/2/16
Hi Keefa. So sorry your here Your seem to have execpetd the M is over and often that's the hard part. Of course the anger and despair will come and go but please believe me that things will get better and maybe not the R but your life will get better and you will look back on this time as a painful memory but maybe a learning time as well
I think we have all had thoughts of finding a way to end the pain but at the end of the day you have your hoys and they need you more than you will ever know.
On be GAL thing , it's needed to move your thought process away from the pain and concentrate it somewhere else The term fake it until you make it is there because you need to be doing the things that will get you through this even if it doesn't feel like it's helping at the moment
This is so tough and the only way through is to go through it.
Your time with the boys sounds great and there will be lots of those ahead
I'm so sorry - I can't even imagine the pain you must be feeling.
Please try to find someone - a therapist - anyone to talk to just to vent and get it out. You have 2 boys who clearly love you, and you need to be there for them if nothing else. If it helps, GAL for their sake - focus on them and your future happy times with them - you've got to be strong for them...
My mum lives abroad but she texts me daily. my best friend is an eternal bachelor with no children who just says ' ah well, all women are evil.' I have no one else. I see a therapist every 2 weeks but it is mostly 'its happening, get used to it' and I can't afford to change therapists and spend more sessions on the basics. I don't think it would do any good anyway. I am a family man. I devoted husband and giving father. I spent my time making things, building things for my boys. Always have. I have no family now. The house was stripped bare. I have tried so hard to do any and everything I could to save my M. Nothing worked. Nothing even changed. She is cold, manipulative, and is using our boys to hurt me. I don't want to 'hang in there' anymore. I'm tired of hanging. I want to have a heart attack so then it's not my fault. I don't just cry any more, I sob. it is no way to live. It is no way for a once happy man to end up. She won. She has the cake and is eating it. She always does. I have tried everything and given my all. I will go home tonight. sit in an echo empty house. I will sit in the skeleton of my boys old room, look at the space where their toys used to be. I will smell there smell and will no doubt end up on the floor in their bedroom again wondering what to do next.
me45,W43 S9,S5 T15yrs M10yrs BD 4/07/15 W wants D 4/07/15 W filed 8/05/15 D petition arrived 21/12/15 Merry xmas, W,S5 S9 moved out 5/2/16
