Pink's Journey: Moving Forward is not enough

[Sotto]

Hi Pink, well I would think your options are either:

A - ignore & if he comes back again, you've been busy etc.

Or

B - coffee & zero expectations. Plus non-reaction to what he says - thanks for telling me that XH. I'll need to think about that ec. Then come back here to post for advice?

I think the main thing is to not get drawn back into his chaos. But do wait & see what wiser posters think too xx

[kml]

Well, you've done a good job of trying to see if he'll discuss it another way, he seems clear that he needs to tell you in person.

I would do so in some neutral location like a cafe. That way you can easily leave if it becomes too much.

I think it is also helpful to think of all the possibilities of what he might have to say, so you can prepare yourself ahead of time.

What might he say? Almost anything might come out of their mouth, but here are a few possibilities.

- "Pink, I'm gay"
- "Pink, the OW is pregnant"
- "Pink, the OW is pregnant (or crazy or obnoxious or over) and I want to come home"
- "Pink, I'm in a 12 step program and I need to make amends because I'm on step 9"
- "Pink, I'm moving to France to be with OW"
- "Pink, I've got terminal cancer"
- "Pink, I've been out of my mind and I'm wondering if there is any way we can reconcile?"
- "Pink, I lost my job and won't be paying any alimony or child support"

See? The possibilities are wide, but I think if your prepare yourself for a range of them, it's less likely you'll be blindsided. Also, I like the previous suggestion to have a few noncommittal answers ready (like"I'll have to think about that" and "thanks for telling me, I'll get back to you on that"

[Pink17]

Thanks Sotto. You always come to my rescue and I appreciate it.

I do not have much expectations regarding the M or R. I finally accept that it is done and dead.

But I am afraid of any more wounds. I have a lot in my plate do deal with. I need to be emotionally balanced and in peace so I can hold my family together and happy at some level.

Every time in the past, when I am out of this mess, he pulled right back on and left me with all open wounds and lot of salt on it. That's the only thing I really fear now.

And lets be honest, I know I am not all detached from this guy and the R, I am not all there yet. So it is fragile right now, I do not want to fall right back into the hole and need to work hard again to pull myself out of it.

And because it is bothering me, I can really see that I have a lot, tons of work to do in detaching, not just ignoring.

Pink

[job]

Pink,
I'm so sorry he's continuing to bug you about meeting up. There are a couple of options that you need to think about:

1. If he continues to ask you to meet up with him, point out that the telephone is a very private way of having discussions about "personal" things, i.e., whereby the only two people that will know what the conversation is about will be on the phone.

2. You could meet up w/him, but he would have to give you some idea what the "personal" topic is about before hand. I certainly wouldn't want to walk in and not have at least some clue what will be discussed. Make sure you go some place public so that things don't get out of control. However, remember that others may be able to hear the conversation and quite frankly, that may not be "personal" enough for him. Try to keep your expectations at zero and try not to react to what he's saying. Come here to vent.

kml gave you some possibilities of what "personal" could be, but there is one that wasn't addressed. He could have a STD, i.e., the one that keeps on giving and he has to notify all of his partners. I certainly hope that's not the case, but the way he's handling this "personal" conversation has me thinking it's something he's done and it will impact you.

Of course, you could always ignore his requests and say that you are busy, but he can call, text or email whatever it is he needs to talk about (again).

You don't need to give him an answer today. Whatever it is, it could be something simple, but more pressing in his mind. If you do meet up with him, just remember that you can leave at any time. Do not allow his drama to suck you back in. You've been doing well, but if you opt not to see him, that's okay. It's your decision to make and I do understand how you feel.

[Pink17]

Thanks kml, it's seems so easy for me to give some advice like that to someone else, and yet I can't really get my mind to it if its for myself.

That's why this community is so valuable. It let us help each other.

kml, love the possibilities. "I'm guy"... well it could be if I think how many times he went to France. Maybe OW is just a cover up and he wants to come clean, LOL.

It indeed could be any listed above. I guess the real deal is that I still love the bastard and he knows me better then anyone else in this world.

I like the idea of a public place and also being prepare for short answers like you and Sotto mention. I guess it is my best bet on this one.

Thanks again for your kind advice.
Pink

[Pink17]

So I text him once again to try to get some info because I am sh*** in my pants.

3:12pm
Me - I can talk to you only if you give me a heads up of what it is all about. It may be important for you, but it may be another wound for me, and I do not need it anymore.

3:22pm
Cira - I am rumbly asking for a chance to speak with you. I have a one thing to say, that I need to say to you, that you deserve to hear and to know.

It is not hurtful, but I realize that many things can hurt, that were not intended to.

If you can trust in your faith, I am sure that our God wants me to tell this to you, and you deserve to hear it from me.

I do not want to be cryptic, but what it is about is exactly what needs to be said and heard.

Now, can I just write and scream a lot of very bad words? Is this making Cira insane day?

I will see him, and if he says anything that hurt me, I will break his nose. I am so close to finish with him today. It's ridiculous.

What kind of answer is that?

OK, I will talk to the bastard, be confident, mysterious, no expectations, careful and remember the STFU. Public place, it he says half word I do not like to hear, I am walking away.

I will let you guys know what happens. For some reason, I feel just like when he asked for the divorce, it is weird.

Pink

[job]

I'm sorry he's being cryptic. Apparently he feels he has a need to talk to you in person, maybe he needs absolution and that's what a priest is for. Something is definitely on his mind and he's not going to let it go until you meet up w/him.

I am going to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I know that this is not something that you really want to do. Sit quietly and the answers will come on how to deal w/this issue.

[kml]

I will see him, and if he says anything that hurt me, I will break his nose

Lolol - sounds like a plan!

Actually, I had forgotten about the STD possibility, but I would say, given the way he is putting it in words, that this is not likely the message. He actually sounds more like a guy who wants to apologize, but I would keep your expectations at ZERO.

[Pink17]

The real deal is that I have no idea of who is this guy. My normal H was different, or maybe I was totally blind.

So, I have no idea what it is. I have decided that I will talk to him and end this agony. Whatever it is will need to be faced today or tomorrow. I just hope it is not the STD stuff.

To talk about my faith and God was something surprising for me. He knows how much faith I have and the respect I have for God. (He always did it too). That alone make things not so negative. But who knows, I can't trust what is in his mind anymore.

Job, thanks for the advice. It made my heart stop for a sec when I read 'STD" but it is a real possibility, just hope it is not the case. I also believe that if I do not talk to him, that he will keep texting me until it happen.

Seems that whatever is stuck inside him, it needs to come out.

kml, when he mention faith, I had the feeling that it may not be something so negative. But who knows, maybe in his mind it is not so negative and it will be a devastation for me.

I will face it. A day of turmoil is better then a weak into the turmoil.

Thanks again for your help and support.
Pink

[rd500]

Whatever it is Pink we are all here to support you. Stay strong

Take care. Rd