Last night different personalities came out so fast it seemed like a short circuit. H was cranky over something very small and was irritable in MLC way. S12 and I made light of it because it was no big deal. MLC h makes everything a netless high wire act and old h did not sweat the small stuff. Within a few seconds he went from really angry to joking over the incident.
There were times he also joked so like his old self. Saying certain phrases exactly the way he used to do. And his intonation was the same.
However, after S12 and I returned from some brief errands, I came into my study to see someone had left the history search page up on my personal computer! Someone is snooping on me!!! Probably the dog. (Just a little MLC projection humor there!!)
I do not use that computer at all so what h saw was the Minecraft videos S10 watched and S12's homework (all done through the school website these days). Riveting!
I may be blind by the end of this all but I do everything off my iPhone as I know h is way more computer savvy than I am. Coincidentally, the day we were at the tournament he asked to use my phone as he left his in the car. I quickly deleted my history before I handed it over. But, thanks to Sotto, I always use the private browsing screen so there should not be a recorded history.
He was sitting near me and peripherally I saw him go to the search bar as though he was going to a different website. But I think he may have been seeing what popped up. Tricky, tricky!!!
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
I had to shake my head and chuckle too. He's snooping because he's curious as to what you are doing, with whom you are communicating with, etc. Gosh, he doesn't even realize just how transparent he is. If you are going to snoop, at least cut the computer off so that the other person won't know what you are doing.
As for the phone...yup, he's really trying to find out what you are doing w/your life. Gotta laugh because he's clueless.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
WHy do these MLCers behave this way when we LBSers get a life without them. First the shock that we are no longer on the shelf where they left us, then the snooping ...
As usual, Ha you are handling this with grace and humor. xoxoxo HNY to U xoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Yup... It's a very one sided crisis the second you move they react, they can't even help it. I remember the night I was all dressed up returning a redbox movie and thought I'd have a nice solo dinner at a little Italian place down the street and received a text "go F her I hope she is worth it" .... I laughed and could not get the "it's Jake from State Farm" commercial out of my head
Just more weird MLC stuff going on here. Some of it is comical and some of it is just odd.
Monday I took down all the Christmas ornaments and hauled out the tree. H walks in after the whole house is put back to pre-Christmas state and he says: where did everything go?!? Silly me, I thought he was complimenting me on how fast it was all cleaned up as I did it all in a few hours and then went to work! Nope. He says: I can't believe you took it all away.
The best part? That morning he was coming into the garage to leave for the day and he held the door open for me as I was bringing in all the containers for the Christmas decorations?!? What did he think I was going to do with all those containers?
Later, he said again: I thought we would enjoy the tree until February. (And he was NOT kidding.). I told him the tree had one needle left. He said I ruined it all by taking it down "so early." He sounded so much like a pre-teen. I told him he could buy a little Charlie Brown Christmas tree and put that on his night stand. He bought himself a poinsettia and that lives (miraculously) in his bathroom. He said maybe he will bring that back into the dorm room. (Maybe that will give him his much needed February Christmas Cheer.) Geez, all that work cleaning up and all I had to do was drag the tree down the haul and prop it up in the dorm room.
One funny thing is his best buddy from college had traveled abroad for work and had sent h an XMAS gift. It's a cute little tchotchke. H has left it in the living room and told me it was probably filthy as it went through so many airports and he didn't want it in the dorm room. Wow, did that take a lot not to laugh. That dorm room is so filthy Ebola could die in there.
And here is the new weird thing happening. The last week or so, h completely mimics how I say goodbye or hello. Remember, how he snapped at me a while back and told me to stop saying "have fun" when he went out? Well, I slipped last week and said it again. I say it to my kids when they go out, too, so it's a force of habit. Well, he parroted back "have fun" in the same way I did. So now, I have experimented saying other things and he mimics those completely?!?
Today, when I left I said "byyyyyyyyyeeee" in this exaggerated drawn out way and he said bye the same way. Is this a child mimicking a parent? Weird.
As for me, I am doing well. There are times I am wondering what I am doing here. So, okay, maybe I am not doing so well?!? I know I should not tell too many people about what is going on under my roof. If I did, I am pretty sure I would come home to some sort of surprise "save HaWho intervention." And pre-MLC I would have done the same thing if someone told me she was going through all this and then defined it as "standing." It does at times sound pretty nutty. We all know it.
In fact, a few weeks back I was talking to a friend who knows nothing of what is going on here. I realize now, her h for sure had a MLC. He started hitting the bar scene, partying, got liposuction and capped it all off with an office affair with, of course, a much younger gal.
They tried MC and he was in complete denial that the affair was wrong (cue creepy fog music). She divorced him and he subsequently dated various women. Last year he married a woman 12 years his junior and they are having a baby. From where I stand I see it so clearly that this is still replay for him. I have seen the guy check out other women and I know he is slapping external band-aids onto himself. I foresee the whole thing will blow up and this 2nd wife will be left in the same situation as my friend was.
My friend has moved on and seems to be dating a very stable, mature man. Of course, by my standards, "mature" these days, means he does not seclude himself in a re-created childhood bedroom. So what do I know?
When I asked her if she thought her first h had a MLC she said probably yes. But she did not mention standing, DB, Heartsblessing or Jim Conway.
Hmm. Quick recap on my banner year: h tells me ILYBINIL, tells me he wants to sleep with other women (gives me the thumbs up on sleeping with other men), wants to get a shag pad but still live here, starts going out with never married men, sends me a sick letter, now we live in separate bedrooms and he hides from life. Oh, and monks who have taken oaths of silence speak more than we talk to each other.
Meanwhile, I am "standing." #%*?!•€
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
OMG! I am so sorry, but I am laughing so hard about the Christmas decorations and wanting to keep them up to February. Christmas is over and we are now looking at decorations for Valentine's Day...the stores are loaded with hearts, etc.
You definitely have a kid living in that dorm room. One day, if he ever wakes up, you'll have to tell him about this stuff and trust me...he won't remember half of it.
A word of caution, be careful when mentioning other sites on here. I don't think you have a problem mentioning names, but do not type the links to the sites. You will be censored. This is one internet forum that doesn't want other sites mentioned that deal w/marital issues.
BTW, have you been blogging? Maybe you need to start a blog on the adventures of your little boy. Some day, it will be worth a mint!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job - LOL! Can you imagine leaving a tree up 'til February?!? Plus we live in a desert climate. A tree here deserves euthanasia 1 week after you stand it up in a house. Can you even imagine what people would be saying when they came to pick up their kids who are playing here? And they see a Christmas tree lit up on February 20?!? Some mom would secretly call DSS on me and then, can you imagine the home visit!! OMG . . . now I am dying of laughter.
I would be explaining it all to the social worker: no, I am ok! EVERYTHING is ok! I am "standing!" And my h is doing well! He seems to be done going out with unmarried single men 'til 2am and while I know he still fantasizes about sleeping around, he hasn't mentioned getting a shag pad in months!!! And that letter? Well, that was just projection because he is terrified of aging and death. So, you see he is just a little boy who wants Christmas to last through February!
A blog, hmmm. Never thought of that Job. Hmm. May look into that . . .
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Well, I do know a man that left his tree up until April, just because he liked the way it looked, but it was an artificial one.
Oh, I can imagine that home visit. I can imagine kids going home and telling their parents about the tree. That would certainly be the talk of your neighborhood. The neighbors probably already think he's a bit off, but this would seal the deal.
Your h is like Peter Pan...doesn't want to grow up.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hawho, I think we all have to be a bit kookoo to put up with the things we do! Or, we truly love our spouse and family.....or a bit of both? Sometimes I can't believe things I read on here.
And the 30 year old Mleigh would never, in a million years, believe she would not have dumped my H a** by now.
My good friends used to worry about me, but now say they admire me. One thing I bet, we will not regret standing. No matter what the outcome is. Hawho, we can look in the mirror and know we are doing everything we can. And YOU should really be proud of surviving living in the same house as your MLC,er! That is no easy thing.
So, like they all say, we will know in time. I am searching and looking for my time, I have been feeling so done. But we haven't come this far for no reason. We have to finish this out until then, until we know for sure.
And yes, by that time, we may be clucking like chickens....but it will be worth it by golly!!!
The Christmas tree story is funny. What a total fire hazard to keep it until February! My mom has a mini fiber optic tree, that would be perfect for the dorm room!
Hang in there Hawho, we are all in it together!
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
