You are detached enough to actually see the changes he's going thru each and every minute of the day, i.e., notice I didn't say every day.
You are doing a great job in being a patience "mom" to your third "son". He's still fragile and w/your patience and guiding hand, he just might grow up to be a mature man who has a lot to offer to you and his children.
I've placed a new order for patience shovels. I'll send a few your way...although I don't think you need them. You've got this situation covered!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hawho, you continue to amaze me with how you handle yourself and your H day to day. I don't know how you do it and I love reading your posts. You are one of the best examples on here of patience and compassion.
I hope you have a great year ahead of you. How was your NYE?
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Hi Mleigh - thanks for the kind words. It means a lot coming from a strong woman like yourself. You're quite a patient person, standing for your M like you have. And, wow, are you a great mom! Your son is a lucky boy.
Well, things have been odd here but now in a different way. Haven't seen the little boy since I hugged him. H has been quiet. Lots of silence. But, at times seems kind of manic in his movements?!?
On New Year's Eve I did a 180 and told h we were going out for Chinese. Usually I wait for him to initiate as I do not want to pursue. But, lately if I am going sonewhere I just state where I am going and ask if he is up for it. He said okay and asked for lunch or for dinner. I said dinner and reminded him it was NYE. (I was tempted to also mention that we are on the planet Earth--haha.)
At dinner I asked kids and h what their resolutions were. H said he would not say otherwise it might not come true?!? Guess he is confusing this with blowing out birthday candles. His fortune from his cookie was quite prophetic though: "versatility is one of your outstanding traits." No kidding there!!
We came home and watched a movie. But h couldn't sit through it. Halfway through he was up and down a lot. He would go to the kitchen, sip water and come back. Then, back up and over with the dog. Then back down. At one point we checked the tv for what was going on in NYC. Our wedding song was playing and I felt h watching me from the kitchen. I gave no reaction but boy, did that sting. 15 years ago I was happy and in love listening to that song. My oh my how the mighty fall.
And about 30 minutes later he just disappeared into the dorm room. I heard him snoring by 11pm. Woo hoo! And that, folks, is how the live-in MLCer rings in the New Year!
He has been sleeping a lot and at odd times. I came home at 4:30 the other day and S10 shushed me when I walked in as h was asleep in the dorm room. S10 follows me to the kitchen and tells me I need to check on h and make sure he is breathing. I was tempted to tell S10 that h was baking and to leave him alone. Ha ha. He led me by the hand and opened the dorm room door. I really felt like a peeping Hawho. H must have felt our owl eyes on him; his eyes popped open and he got mad. I told him S10 was worried about him. Everyone is watching him now.
Today we took the kids to an amusement park. Usually H takes off and walks by himself. But he stayed with us the whole time. But, except for a few sentences there was absolutely no talking between us. I wasn't uncomfortable. There is so much to say that it is just better not to fake the small talk. At one point I was with S10 while H was with S12 as they wanted to give on separate rides. When I walked up H had headphones on and he removed them when I sat down so that we sat in complete silence. LOL!
As for the wild rice, the next day h re-heated it for lunch and . . . left the whole pot (covered) on the stove for 3 days now. It is sitting in my Le Creuset pot with a 1/4 inch of mold on it. S12 accidentally checked in there today and gagged. He told h and h laughed and said "it's only been there for 3 days." I should for sure send a monthly bill to his mother.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Oh boy! He's all over the place. He was certainly antsy NYE! I guess the hug had him spinning. LOL! Sleeping is something that a lot of them do because they are depressed but also it takes a lot of energy to keep that distance, etc.
As for the pot of rice...yuck! How long are you going to leave in the pot? He really doesn't have a clue about cooking and what needs to be tossed. Definitely send a bill to his mother on that one!
Enjoy your day!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job - I was hoping his new year's resolution was to clean that pot of rice. Ha ha!
Kids and I were teasing him about it last night and he finally cleaned it. And, as he did so he gave us a lecture on how healthy wild rice is for you. I was biting my tongue to keep from saying: great! Our trash can will be the healthiest on the block.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Maybe he was trying to grow pencillin. Oh, most definitely...your trash can is the healthiest one on the block. If he thought that way...he should have eaten the rest of it because it might have helped w/the "brain power". LOL!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Teenage h has been back on the scene and I sure do miss the little boy. As odd as it seeing a 50 year old man act like an 8 year old, the teenager has me eyeing sharp objects.
Morning started with h leaving at 9am. He says "bye" and is off. Must be nice having yours truly as an au pair.
He returns 2 hours later. S12 has made plans with friends. I decide S10 and I will do errands. H walks in and I say I am getting out of the house for a bit w/son. I don't invite him. But, I admit I am annoyed by his whole off without saying anything routine. I recognize I am distancing. Ahh--need to change this about myself!!! So I peek my head in the door and say we are going out and ask does he want to come. He says he is tired and will stay home.
1 1/2 hours later we return and no h to be found. He returns 3 hours later; so much for being tired! I can't stand the lying. I want to ask him: why the lying? But, what's the point? I wouldn't believe him anyway. LOL!
I had been on duty all day and not only am I annoyed by the lying but it just reminds me of replay days: the way he would just take off and return as he pleased. It is a huge trigger. Also, when the kids were younger I was the default caretaker while his life went on and that too is an old trigger for me. It was so lopsided. Working on processing all that emotion.
S10 has made plans with friends and S12 is still out with his friends. I decide I am definitely going out otherwise I know I will erupt verbally or just lose my mind and start clucking like a chicken. So I ask h to drop S10 off at his friend's and say I am going out.
I go see Joy-great movie! 45 minutes after I leave h texts me, of course, because I am out by myself in the evening sans children. He tells me the time he is picking up S10 and that he is walking the dog. (Of course he only updates me on his whereabouts when I am out by myself without explanation.) Then he asks what time he should pick up S12. I thank him for letting me know what time he is picking up S10. I tell him I do not know what time to pick up S12 and tell him to feel free to contact him directly.
Seriously? You can't text him yourself straight off? Doesn't he know there are labor laws to protect said au pair?!?
After the movie I go for a long walk. I try to work off all my frustration over my dysfunctional life. The movie, which is based on a true story, makes me feel better as the main character, who invented the Miracle Mop, has a life rife with dysfunction. We look like a scene from Leave it to Beaver in comparison. She has her ex h AND father living in her basement together. And of course, the father and ex don't get along. Her mother lives in the house too and is divorced from her father. So, things could be worse. I could have extended family living in the dorm room with h.
I come home and after 10 hours to himself, h is in the living room watching tv. I make myself some tea and sit at the kitchen table to catch up with S10. H says one line to me about one of the basketball players. I comment.
About a half hour later I go upstairs as I start to feel unwell. S10 comes up with me. Then S12 joins me. Both kids offer to help me--so cute! One brings me some water, the other makes me tea. Good boys! H sees them coming up and down and jokes they are like servants. They say I am not feeling well. We all watch tv together and it sounds like h stayed in the living room watching a movie by himself.
One funny thing: h had boiled just enough water for his own tea and S12 snatched it when h was out of the room to make me tea. Heard h yell: "what the h€ll" and I laugh remembering how he ate S12's steak!!! Ha ha - payback!!!
This morning when he leaves for the morning he says he will be back in 45 minutes--just going for a walk. Then, 3x he says he will be sitting in x chair in the living room (points to chair) and watching football. Then he says he will take the boys to practice some basketball. Then he will work tonight. Guess he felt like detailing his plan today.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
It does sound like you have a 3rd son, but whom you cannot really control or parent. I don’t know how you do it. My head would be spinning. This is where I’m glad that my H is not living here. I hear stores once in a while, which make me believe he is cycling, especially recently, but I don’t have to witness it.
I don’t think that your H is lying to you. He just doesn’t know what he is doing next. I think his decisions are so erratic that one minute he thinks that he is tired, and next minute he has some ideas that need to be implemented right away.
I love the payback story with the boiled water, hahaha. Your son is a smart cookie.
HaWho, hang in there firm on that roller-coaster.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Well, another personality came out to play for you. The teenager is back again for a short visit (hopefully). It's evident that he doesn't like you doing things on your own. Apparently he thinks he needs to keep an eye on you when you are doing things solo. That's too funny. He doesn't want mom out there doing things that he doesn't know about and heaven help us if you were out w/a friend (he would freak if it were a good male friend). LOL! He's just too funny and it's evident in everything he does right now.
I do hope that you are feeling better and I laughed so hard about the boiling water incident. Your son is quick thinking and you know what...he's going to keep your h on his toes since they are probably around the same age right now.
You are doing very well w/your situation. I can see where it could wear you down, but you've found outlets to release that pent up frustration and it will pay off in the long run.
I wonder what your "oldest" teenager will come up w/next...time will tell.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
