Merry Christmas all! I hope you were able to spend it in a happy place. Physically and mentally! As we all know that can be a real challenge for us these days.
So, overall I had a nice holiday, with sprinkles of MLC weirdness, as expected having H in the mix.
Christmas Eve I had to work. We were ridiculous crazy busy. We officially closed at noon but were not able to finish up and leave until 3. Son had to hang out in the office but was a really good sport about it. H was also busy at work and was off around the same time.
He came to pick up S around 6. The plan was they were going to grannies, which S was not happy about. I had my plans to visit my friends. I was beyond exhausted but felt it best to get myself out for a little bit instead of staying home by myself. H let me know I was invited to join them, he wanted to make sure I knew that, and assured me he wasn't staying long because he still had wrapping to do. I told him I appreciate the invite but passed.
We went our ways with the plan to meet back up at my house for the night. I had a wonderful time and an amazing meal! At about 10 I got a TM from H. He said they never made it to his mom's, that he had forgotten a present, had to run by his house, that S instantly curled up on the couch, that H joined him, and they ended up staying home and watching a movie. H said because of that, he still had tons of wrapping to do. He said he could drop S off, go back to his place and wrap, then come over, put presents under the tree and sleep until we all got up. I was shocked H didn't go! But felt really happy that he spent the evening doing what he really wanted to do. Good for him!
I was right down the street and ready to head home, so I let H know I could pick up S. Picked him up and we went home. S was crashed out, so I quickly stuffed the stockings for H, S, dog, cat and hamster too! Then went to bed. I didn't sleep much...was really distracted by H coming.
At 4:30 am, I hear H arrive. He rustled around, then went to lay with S. I just stayed in bed, was too tired to move.
S got up about 7:30, so I got up too. S wanted to let H sleep, said presents could wait. H got up about an hour later. It was comfortable, I made him a cup of coffee and we both laughed about getting no sleep, him going on about how long it took him to wrap everything and get over.
We spent the morning opening gifts and playing. Santa got S and I our matching shooters. Yes, H got me a skooter. Job, I hear you laughing! H was ecstatic when I rode it around.
The gifts worked out well, not too much and not too little. H also got me my favorite wines. The only awkward moment was when S passed out the stockings. Mine was empty! H forgot. So when S wasn't looking, H slipped something in there and asked S to check mine again. Lo and behold! There was a pack of gum for me! Whew, didn't know how I was going to explain why Santa didn't fill my stocking!
FIL stopped by briefly to do gifts. H had asked him for a skooter to match ours. We now have 3 matching shooters! H got a little crazy on his and wiped out, scraped up his arm.
H then wanted to run home, clean up and wash dog while I got our feast going. I expected such and was looking forward to the down time myself! H was gone about 2 hours, came back to a house smelling of food, all the Christmas lights on, and a roaring fire! We ate when he got back, it was delicious! We had a little time alone while S was in the bathroom, and sat by the fire chatting about work and stuff. Was nice.
One point, I had gotten a very expensive bottle of wine as a gift and opened it to enjoy. Rombauer for you fellow wine sippers! H wrinkled up his nose and insisted it tasted no different then a cheap bottle. Now, there was a time when H really appreciated and enjoyed good wine, it's totally been gone the last few years. I gotta tell you, this is something I truly miss...enjoying a good glass of wine with good company is a must have for me!!
One other thing. S skooter had some really fancy wrapping done with a banner across it with stickers that said To S From Santa.....my heart skipped a bit because my first thought was that H did not wrap that....so who did?.....
This morning we exchanged texts regarding S going with H today...in the mix I asked who did the fancy wrap job on the skooter. H says him, then added that is a trick question because it was actually Santa....not sure I believe that.....
I enjoyed the day, I think all 3 of us enjoyed being together as a family. I will take it for that and no more. I will step back, let H take it in and see if there are any changes...
A new year starts next week and I am ready! I am beyond tired. H is on his way to pick up S. Once gone, I need to go check on my friends cats, go by grocery store, then will come home and enjoy the rest of my Rombauer by myself!!!
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Quick note to Hawho. Every time I started focusing the day or the mood around H, I caught myself and refocused around S and I. It helped in a huge way, so thank you for that reminder!
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
That is so funny about the wrapping! Just like a kid who waited to the last minute and then forgot all about it!
As for your H no longer caring for wine, I have found my H is the exact opposite even in the foods he will eat! Lately I have seen him eat a few of the foods he used to eat.
So glad you had a nice holiday!! I was thinking of you.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
I am so happy to read that Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were a huge success. Sounds like you really didn't have much time to think about the MLC monster.
As for the wine, during MLC, their tastes in food and drinks changes, i.e., just as their personalities did. Eventually, he'll get better and will begin to enjoy the items that he's not in favor of right now.
BTW, be careful on that scooter! I don't want to come here and read that you've fallen and hurt yourself.
Enjoy the rest of your holiday! Sounds like the new year may hold a lot of promise in the way of things calming down and hopefully your h will come to realize what he thinks he's missed is actually right in front of him in his home where his family is living.
Enjoy!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
^^^^ I agree w/Job ... so happy you had a lovely day and the promise of 2016 is rosy and bright for you M. You have clarity which is so essential when dealing with this.
xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
You all must be seeing something I don't see....I enjoyed the day very much and I know H enjoyed it too, but I don't see him giving up his freedom and single world anytime soon....
Yesterday he came over to pick up S. While here, he bolted down my new canopy because I have been worried about the weather lately. He also helped set up S weather station I got him for Christmas. He was very comfortable and taking his time. I in the meantime had to go feed my friends cat and wanted to go before dark because I had not been to her apartment yet and didn't want to be searching in the dark. I mentioned it a few times, but H was curled up on the couch playing on his phone and S was complaining he was hungry. Finally, I whipped up leftovers for them both and left asking H to please lock up. Lol. Like having 2 kids.
I fed the cats, went grocery shopping and came home. They were gone. I made myself dinner and watched a movie. I had a really nice quiet night and fell asleep early. Slept like a rock!
Question for you guys! On Christmas, H had told me that he had reached up to clean something high on the wall, leaned on his flat top stove, and cracked it! He said there was a crack across to whole stove, but that it still worked. We both have hated the white microwave and stove in my kitchen for a long time. It doesn't match the stainless steel fridge and black dishwasher I have. Soooooo, H asked if he could take mine to replace his, and pay 1/2 to replace mine with a new stove and microwave to match the other appliances. I jumped and said yes. He brought it up again yesterday, asked if I want to go to Lowe's and look at some soon. I again said yes...
Sounds like a good deal, right? The only thing tugging at me is that I want nothing to do with improving one little thing in that stupid dumpy house! Nothing! However, my son stays there, and a cracked stovetop may not be safe? And I make out well in the deal? Interested in what you think....
H also mentioned needing to get a generator because when his power goes out, the well pump does too and he has no water. He did a lot of complaining about the house he CHOOSES to live at. Reminded me of Hawho's H complaining about his dorm room!
So you see, I don't see so much hope of anything changing soon, other than H wanting us to all spend more time together and me struggling with wondering if he is reaching out to reconnect, or cake eating?
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Whoa! Don't jump to a conclusion as to what I was thinking when I posted this: "Sounds like the new year may hold a lot of promise in the way of things calming down and hopefully your h will come to realize what he thinks he's missed is actually right in front of him in his home where his family is living." I never said anything about him returning home any time soon.
Now about your stove, the cook top can be replaced. I know someone who had the same issue and her h replaced the cooktop. Regardless of whether it works or not, I wouldn't trust it for very long. I would call an appliance repairman who works on that brand of stove and get an estimate for repairing it.
If you opt to get a new stove, then I say go w/his offer asap. Right now is a good time to think about purchasing new appliances because they are pushing to get the 2015 inventory off the floor. Lowes has some good sales going on and if you have a Home Depot, check them out too.
Sounds like he's got a real nice place there if he has no water when the electric goes out. He does complain a lot about his place. Guess it's sympathy he wants...I wouldn't think twice about his living conditions, after all he chose to move there!
Accept him for who he is right now. As for whether he is reconnecting or cake eating...I wouldn't worry too much about it...but I would certainly set some boundaries in the future that you are comfortable with. Things can change very quickly when dealing w/a crisis individual, so I wouldn't rule anything out in the future. It may not be today, tomorrow or next week....but he's cooking up nicely and one day, he'll come out of the oven well done and a new and improved mature man.
Take time this week and check out the appliance ads. You could get some really good deals.
OMG! Your h complaining about his dumpy house immediately reminded me of my H complaining about the stinky dorm room to which HE keeps moving back! The poor guys have no idea they are just re-arranging the chairs on the Titanic.
As for the stove, I vote you go for the deal! A) it benefits you and B) it benefits your son. I agree that stovetop may not be safe. Once it's cracked, who knows how it will react to heat! I know you don't want to help him fix that place up, but he'll probably do it anyway and then you miss out on the deal. Just my two cents.
Interesting that he just hung out and lounged . . .
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Lol Job. I know you don't mean he is moving home soon....actually I wouldn't even want that right now. I get what you guys mean...I just don't feel so positive about it often while I am living in it....I hope he is finding his way onto the path towards home, but I see it taking a bit longer to even get to that first part.
I love all your positive feedback and also hope there is some promise in the future of my family being happy and United again
From my experience with H, I think he enjoys being with me, and has fun, but feels nothing romantic. I am mind reading, but I think he sees me as the mother of his son and nothing more, and with a lack of romantic feelings, sees no future for us. I know things can change, it's just where I believe and sense his head is at right now.
I was talking with my mom about the stovetop and she brought up possible electric issues that could result from it being cracked. I hate that house, but certainly don't want him getting electrocuted. I will take the deal and enjoy the additional upgrade to my own home
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Glad to hear Christmas turned out a nice day and everyone enjoyed themselves.
I agree with everyone else, take the offer of new appliances and this is a stove we are talking about for h, not a toy that he would actually get excited about so I would not worry with it making his pad a nicer place to be, its just a practical item he requires. Sounds like he will find something/anything to moan about, he wants your sympathy and attention .....you have to decide whether you give it or not.
