Been very busy getting caught up on my college courses. I bought a new laptop, downloaded Microsoft Office. Found my lessons and started to do homework.
This is so foreign to me now. I haven't done school work in over 25 years. Like my BFF said, it's like riding a bicycle. It's slowly coming back to me. Note taking, writing proper answers, retaining information.
The past 20 years I've worked in a factory. As much as I tried to keep it intellectually stimulating, it was a mindless job. I spent my days daydreaming as my body memory performed my job. Now, my mind is getting a workout again. Overwhelming at times, but exciting as well. Maybe, just maybe I can get back to the artistic, articulate person that I was so many years ago.
Ended up not going to see H today. He is sick with a cold. I'm still not feeling well and in my neck of the woods we've been under a snow squall watch for the last 2 days. There is a few feet of snow already on the ground and it's bitterly cold outside.
I think staying home in my nice warm living room and working on my school work is a much better thing to do than driving 2 plus hours in a snow storm to spend the time with a grumpy sick guy. I love my H and I hope he is feeling better soon, but I'm so glad that I don't have to take care of the big man baby. LOL!
On a totally different note. One of the courses I'm taking is "Building and Maintaining Customer Relations". The first lesson is on communication. Different personality styles and different communications styles. In a weird way it kind of ties into DB principles. It is very eye opening to read about the different personality types and doing the self-assessment quiz on my own personality type. Apparently I'm evenly distributed between being an Analytical and Amiable type. Two almost opposite styles. I do see how in the past I've flactuated between the two styles and how it might have affected my M. In this course we are also learning how to modify our communication styles to different personality types. Again, DB style validating and attentively listening. I think this might help me quite a bit with my H.
Now if I could only get him to learn how to effectively communicate with me.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
That is awesome that you keep going to school. I wanted to do that these past 20 years, but working rotating shift work really prevented me from taking any courses.
I also wanted to go to an actual college. Sit in a classroom, take in the atmosphere. For now I was not able to do that. While I'm on disability it's best for me to stay home and take the courses online. Maybe next year.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
I take a night class, I love going out and doing something I love 2 nights a week. Keep doing it Di, it's good for you in many ways. We're getting snow this weekend. When the prediction is for a few inches the supermarkets get emptied out. It's really funny.
Arrrggghhh!!! Essay is due in 28 hours and I just can not get motivated to finish it. All I want to do is sit and veg in front of the TV. Lol!!! This reminds me of highschool. I always finished my assignments just hours before they were due and still graduated with honours. I am a procrastinator!!!
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
Finished the essay for one course. Did the test on another course. Then I rewarded myself by driving down to see my H. I needed to blow off some steam!!
I'm still here 24 hours later.
He made me breakfast (more like lunch). We went out and got a TV table for his new big screen that he got. I picked myself up a big picture that rounds out my decorating at home. We made dinner and then he went to work. I'm here by myself and I could snoop galore since he gave me the password for his desktop computer, but I really can't be bothered. I'm chilling, watching net flicks, browsing kijiji.
He wants me to stay until Thursday, but I want to go home. We get along great. There is no fighting, barely any R talk. We laugh a lot. Pretty decent amount of ILY's. Sex is pretty good too.
But I want to go home. I miss my place and my daughter and my kitties and the doggie. I called my daughter tonight and she put me on speaker and the dog started to lick the phone. She misses me too.
Sometimes it feels like my H wants just me, but I come with extras. I like my furry extras.
I can't believe a few months ago I was absolutely terrified of living on my own and now I so enjoy it. I am the master of the remote control. What I want to watch, gets watched. I buy groceries just for me. I know this seems silly to some people, but I moved out of my parents in with my first H at 19. I had two kids by the time I was 22. I always had to put somebody else first and consider their needs. Now I really only have to worry about me. Still getting used to it.
I had IC last week. Again the counsellor asked me what I thought my H could give me. Last time I was a bit stumped, but thinking about it more, I think he gives me a distraction. Somewhere to go for a bit and chill before heading back to the real world. Not sure I would call that a marriage, not really sure what that is.
On a totally different note, forgot to share last week. I received a text from H in the middle of the night about Facebook. A while back, when H wanted me to move on, I unfollowed him and put most of " our " pictures on private settings. I really didn't want to see anything about us or him on social media at all. I was working hard at detaching. Well, I never changed any of the settings after we got back together (or whatever it is that we are). He went on Facebook and couldn't find any pictures of us together on my profile. He was quite upset, even tough he kept telling me that he was not. He chilled out after I told him why. At first I got a bit panicky, thinking " oh no, he is going to end things again", then I thought "f**k it, he's going to do what he is going to do. I'll be ok no matter what!" I think when I really didn't react much beyond telling him why and when, he realized that I was done persuing him and trying to convince him that he should be with me. Don't get me wrong, I want my M. I want to be back together with my H. But I will not sacrifice myself in the process. I worked so hard inside to find myself again, to find my happiness. He can share in that and I would love to share in his happiness. I'm still a work in progress and he needs to do a whole lot of work on himself still too.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
I'm disappointed with my H. He told me at Christmas that he wants to have a relationship with me, just to give him time. Well, I barely hear from him now. Maybe a text or two a day and a couple of phone calls a week. Not much effort from him at all. In a way I'm really not surprised. Sometimes it feels like he just wants to keep me hanging on.
Onwards I go! Just have to live my life as if our M is done.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
Di-mond, and really do feel you and Sotto, make this whole Dbing process look so graceful and elegant. You both have managed this situation with womanly strength. You are amazing role models to me. So thank you. I know you are studying hard. I know more successes are coming your way!
I needed to blow off some steam!!