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G, I wish you the best man. Rely on God through this, his shoulders are big enough for us all to cry on. Be strong!


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Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
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Had a decent conversation.

She expressed some feelings including "I love you more than anything in the world and I'm not going to take that back". She also said " I realize you might be done when the D finalizes and I'm risking losing you forever"

I took the opportunity to validate her feelings and feed it all back to her.

She then went into the child support and how i know she won't be making as much money next year and that everyday she'll be struggling. I countered saying that there is no proof I will either. She started arguing with me and got angry again. I stopped the conversation and told her this is why i emailed. I don't feel like I'm able to get out all my thoughts around this. Please just read the negotiation email and respond


Me 40
WW 41
D 4
S 12
S 14
BD 6.16.2015
W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15
W Filed Divorce 9.14.15
My ring off 11.15.15
D finalized 12.18.15
WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place

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I prayed God would remove the anger and within moments she was calm again. It's amazing


Me 40
WW 41
D 4
S 12
S 14
BD 6.16.2015
W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15
W Filed Divorce 9.14.15
My ring off 11.15.15
D finalized 12.18.15
WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place

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Quote:
She expressed some feelings including "I love you more than anything in the world and I'm not going to take that back". She also said " I realize you might be done when the D finalizes and I'm risking losing you forever"


It is hard for me to read that as I imagine it was hard for you to listen to. That just sounds like self-serving spew to me. Does a person who loves you more than anything in the world treat you the way she has? If she is so concerned about losing you forever, then why doesn't she do anything about it?

I think remaining detached is the best thing for you and may give her the loss she needs to decide what she really wants.


H:54 W:46 D:11 D:21
M:12 BD:1/15
In-house Separation 2/15
DB started 7/15, W sees consistency 9/15
Dropping the rope and having her leave 2/16, moves 5/16
Reconciliation 1/17
Obviously still struggling
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Flight,
Thank you for stopping by and I totally agree with you. She did come to me twice crying and wrapped her arms around me after this. D4 joined us. I held her briefly and then broke it off. I did not want to be unloving but also not want to let her cake eat too. Breaking off a hug or cuddle time is very unlike me. The first time she quickly walked away into the other room. The second time I was sitting down and she sat in my lap. I held her briefly then picked her up sat her back on the couch and went upstairs.
I know there isn't any of this that really means anything. No drastic steps on her part. Just little crumbs. Could even be manipulation to try to get me to agree with her on the D issues we're still negotiating.


Me 40
WW 41
D 4
S 12
S 14
BD 6.16.2015
W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15
W Filed Divorce 9.14.15
My ring off 11.15.15
D finalized 12.18.15
WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place

Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 1,088
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Gs9, I think you did very well. I'm sure that is insanely tough. Awesome job showing restraint. It is horrible that we have to consider WW being manipulative about the D papers, but that is where THEY are. I feel similar with my sitch. Don't know what anything means.

You are doing well, keep moving forward


35
3 boys
Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 569
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gs9 Offline OP
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Thanks dday, It is difficult to leave the door open but to still be detaching. It's even tougher to hear her say again "I love you more than anything in the world, and I'm not going to take that back" and then she follows it up with " There is a little part of me that believes we could make it." and " I know you may feel once the divorce is done that you are done so I'm risking losing you forever."

I almost typed my rational thoughts around these statements but I realize it's an exercise in futility because they are not rational thoughts and can not be explained.

Well....looks like we have full agreement on D terms and will be filing all paperwork today. D scheduled to be finalized on 12.18.2015.

I feel a certain amount of peace because I know God is in control, He helped me last night, He was with me this morning and He is with me now.


Me 40
WW 41
D 4
S 12
S 14
BD 6.16.2015
W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15
W Filed Divorce 9.14.15
My ring off 11.15.15
D finalized 12.18.15
WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place

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Quote:
Breaking off a hug or cuddle time is very unlike me. The first time she quickly walked away into the other room. The second time I was sitting down and she sat in my lap. I held her briefly then picked her up sat her back on the couch and went upstairs.


Oh.......I love this! Now, that's being a man only a fool would leave! You guys probably can't see it, b/c you aren't looking through female eyes. This works so much better than having a bitter attitude, acting like a doormat, pouting, etc.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Quote:
She expressed some feelings including "I love you more than anything in the world and I'm not going to take that back". She also said " I realize you might be done when the D finalizes and I'm risking losing you forever"


If she loved more than anything in the world, she would not be wanting to D you, now would she? She does need to realize she's losing you forever. And when I say "need", I mean that's what should happen for her to be able to finally see what she really wants.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Sandi,
Thank you so much for stopping by. I always look forward to your words of encouragement and you're in my face criticism. They both help keep me on track.

We came to a full agreement on the D logistics this morning and the paperwork filed today. I have 17 days until the final D hearing. How do I create the " She does need to realize she's losing you forever." ?

I feel like I've been working at it. detaching, GALing, not helping her with stuff she needs to do herself, not responding to needless text chatter, not reaching out, not initiating contact.....

Last edited by gs9; 12/02/15 03:41 AM.

Me 40
WW 41
D 4
S 12
S 14
BD 6.16.2015
W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15
W Filed Divorce 9.14.15
My ring off 11.15.15
D finalized 12.18.15
WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place

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