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#2627449 11/29/15 09:59 PM
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ATPeace Offline OP
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Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
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Ghost what I was suggesting was that your wife is attached to her "new" life like the worm was attached to his. I hope I did not offend you, if so I am sorry, it was not my intention.



“Character is destiny” Heraclitus
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Mutatio no it is totally fine I see what you were saying

Thank you for checking in with me

All the very best

Ghost


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,453
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ATPeace Offline OP
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Ok so W and I are still cohabiting

We are getting along in the house but have become friends

The atmosphere is calm and on the whole so longe as we do not talk about the relationship then things are ok.

I am still doing my share of the housework and the looking after our children she sees this as just what is expected and she shows me no feelings I know she cannot.

She has told me,that she no longer loves me romantically

I have been trying to detach for six months but still retain feelings for my w

How did she get to the point of no longer loving me can one totally get to this point or is there going to be underlying feelings that she will have that she is surpressing

She tells me that she feels relief now we have split ..li feel this is the changes that I am making to be a better ghost along with the not arguing that makes her feel this way

Ghost


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,435
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Ghost, I still have feelings for my H after 9 months. So you are normal. Or we are both dysfunctional whichever way you want to look at it.

Wait until she finds out that you are wearing her knickers, that will shake things up a bit.

Keep expectations low. One day at a time. Keep in mind that even though things might seem better, don't believe a word she says and protect yourself by keeping busy, keeping your focus on your own development, making your self care a priority. Maybe that will be easier to do with less tension.

Wishing you the best Ghost.



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ATPeace Offline OP
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I guess the dont believe a word she says is the tough bit


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,902
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This isn't about love, it's about what she feels will make her happy.

Find what makes ghost happy and let her try to find what makes W happy. One day she might realize happiness comes from within and not just who your with.


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
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Quote:
I have been trying to detach for six months but still retain feelings for my w


Where in the detachment information does it tell you to stop having feelings for your wife? I don't how many times you have said that you have been trying to detach but still love your wife. I will ask if you've read about detaching, and you claim you did.........but it doesn't sound as if you comprehend it.

Detachment does not mean you stop loving her. Has anyone ever told you differently? I don't think so. It does, however, teach how to have a healthy relationship, instead of a co-dependent. It teaches how to be your own person, have your own identity, instead of an unhealthy mesh some people see as a M.

Just a guess, but I'd say you read the article with a preconceived idea of detachment, therefore, not really soaking in the true message. The same reason many newcomers never bother to read that link Cadet adds in his post.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Every day I am working in being a better ghost making the changes that matter to me, Fogg summed things up to me in a post to me a few days ago I am still thinking way too much about my W and the control that she has.

I want to try to make things better between my W and I but when noting I do or say matters it is extremely disheartening to know that.

I have asked every question to myself ove and over again and I spoken to my W several times she knows how sorry I am for the break down of our marriage

I have learnt so much about where I have gone wrong and the mistakes I have made, people learn from mistakes


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,666
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Then please learn that going over and over the same thing with your W is defeating your purpose. It drives some people crazy. Continuing to go over the same things, either to your W or to yourself, does not change your situation. Can you see that, Ghost? It is useless. It's like going in circles........it gets you nowhere. Can you learn a more productive way to work on yourself?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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