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You have an awesome friend pho! I have no idea what post-divorce dating looks like, but I think she is giving you some solid advice.

BTW, I think that the best way to tell if a reality check is on the mark is if it hurts. The truth is painful, especially if you've been denying it for a long time


Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12;
S10 and S6
BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015
EA dissolved 12/2016

Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
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SciD, the thing is that MIL lies all of the time. And sometimes so does my D. But what she is saying has a ring of truth to it. I only hope that my H sees the truth before it is too late. He always saw through MIL's games prior to BD, now she can do no wrong.

D said that the IL's were encouraging BIL to stay with them longer and not go back home to SIL's "nasty" house. I have heard them say that about her house. So again, D's report has a ring of truth to it. I am proud of myself for not pumping her for more info, I really wanted to. I will not.



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I believe it that you won't want to date for a long time. I feel that way too. I have 3 little boys, and they need me as much as they need their mom. They demand a lot of my time. Sounds like your daughter has a pretty good head on her shoulders. That has to make you proud.

Be well pho


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Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
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gonegrl Offline OP
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Dday, I want to date right now! I know that is terrible. I want to date my H, but he is "uninterested" but I really really want to be in a relationship. I know that is so unhealthy and probably speaks volumes about my own dysfunctions. I really want to date my H, he is my first choice. I think that as soon as the ink dries on the D papers I will sign up for a dating service. I know, that is bad of me. I know. But this is my life too.



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I'm @ 287 & 78



“Character is destiny” Heraclitus
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Wanting to date your H is not terrible. But it's also what makes this so hard. And before you ask, yes, I'm in the same place.

Welcome to our mutual dysfunctions. It's hard to be hopeful without getting our hopes up.

Any word on when the papers might be signed?


Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12;
S10 and S6
BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015
EA dissolved 12/2016

Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
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SciDad, no talk of D actually. At all. H has never even brought up the word. He did back in Feb, March, and April say that he'd rather be dead than married to me and he hasn't brought it up since, nor has he brought up the D word. I think he is waiting for me to solve all of our problems, admit that everything was my fault, even the imagined stuff, and then for me to get amnesia about the EA and the spew and anything he has done, and then, maybe, just maybe, he will check back in.

He also called a D lawyer back in Feb but that was one short conversation and he claims it had nothing to do with me. Seriously, that was an unrelated matter? OK then.

Every day for months I lived in expectation of being served papers because of his spew, but they never came, then the spew turned into ice cold silence, and now tentative talking about horrible and twisted topics that occupy his brain about how I have abused him. Its kind of like a Stephen King novel, the suspense and twists just keep coming.



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You lived here from 2000 to 2009?



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Yes, actually 2001-2009 so 8 years.



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I'm a non practicing Catholic and my wife is Jewish but non observant. You said your a Jewish/Christian family, who's who? It doesn't matter in the slightest bit, I'm just curious. I know quite a few mixed religion marriages like our's. I do not believe this has anything to do with my marital problems. Could it be part of your MIL's problem?



“Character is destiny” Heraclitus
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