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I am very happy to read that your Thanksgiving turned out nicely. Sounds like he actually tried to be in the present for you and your sons. I hope that next year will be different and he will have grown up a bit.

I find it interesting that he uses music as a way of possible communication. Maybe you need to sit down and jot down some lyrics and give it to him. It could be one way to reach out to him w/o pursuing. It's just a thought.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Job-I have considered that. In our past when he has been really mad, we had to correspond via letters per his inability to talk face to face. Plus, I think when we talked, truth be told, I had this inability to see when he had had enough. I think I exhausted him. Ok, I KNOW I exhausted him. I have learned much since then.

We actually became quite efficient at communicating A LOT through written word. Maybe it is time to dust off that saddle again.

The thing is, I do not know how much I can say without scaring him. I could start with something funny...


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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Start w/something funny and talk about friendship.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Okay. Should I mention his MLC? Just kidding...

By the way, you are scary smart Job! Thanks!!

Off to dip my quill in its ink...


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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Posts: 1,597
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HaWho Offline OP
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So I sent back a song. It was light, funny and had 2 lines that mentioned friendship. H and I have always had a joking relationship. His initial song to me was a "holiday song." I told him that just because he released his song in November did not mean it was a "holiday song." (His song was more about living life and enjoying it.). I told him I would show him what a true holiday song was. It was cheerful and about dinner last night. My song was pretty goofy and I am tone deaf to boot.

His response is very interesting. He tells me I have hit a new lyrical low. (Very funny and the wit is VERY old H.). He tells me that this has to be rock bottom for me. He says like AA says, the first step to lyrical recovery is to admit I am lyrically barren. Then I need to proceed through the next 11 steps and all will be well!

My H does not drink much at all. Pretty surprised by the reference and the irony of hitting "rock bottom."


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
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Interesting comments from your h. I would ask him to explain more about this "lyrical low". You can't admit to something unless you have a better understanding of what he means by that comment.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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I'm kind of wondering if his "lyrical low" comment was a different kind of attempt at humor on his part. Seems he is not himself - maybe trying somebody else?

Quote:
Ok, I KNOW I exhausted him. I have learned much since then
Yes, yes you have. I'm impressed smile

Glad you had a great thanksgiving and are reaching a good balance. Holidays can make people crazy. Be watchful and don't get sucked into it.

I also notice your husband was grateful for the pleasant time together. I'm sure it's a blip in time, but nice that he noticed, no?

Happy Thanksgiving!

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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Hi AJ- hope you had a nice holiday, too! Yes, it is nice that he thanked me for the pleasant company. It was definitely a moment in time and has now passed.

Job-I asked him to explain what he meant by "lyrical low" so I would better understand if I had the problem to which I should admit. He never answered me. Not sure why he did not. Maybe he thought it was a rhetorical question not worth answering? But even then, he usually would say something. Maybe AJ is right and he was trying somebody else on for size. Who knows? Maybe he can't remember writing it and that's why he didn't answer.

One thing I forgot to mention, in the email he also said "like AA says, this rock bottom has to occur for you to rise up." Hmm-I was hoping this is projection.

But he was irritable yesterday. In the AM he carried his laundry down and proudly boasted that he does his own laundry and cleans up after himself. (Laundry is still a touch painful given that he spewed at me over laundry in front of the kids.) I should have validated and missed the moment.

So when he came in to turn over his laundry, I told him that he was very good at doing his laundry. He scoffed and said there wasn't a wrinkle in it. That was a dig at me. I smiled and said yes, "that may be because of the novelty of it all. Once you've been doing laundry for 10 years, it is easy to make errors." (Not good DB on my part, I know.) I laughed and tried to make it light. But what I wanted to say was: let me add raising kids, cleaning the house, grocery shopping and doing all the cooking to your to-do list and then let's see how you fare. He is a teenaged punk and I fantasize about sending him away to a special school with others like him.

Then I was outside talking to our sweet neighbor. His wife is unwell and he takes on a lot. H did not realize I was talking to him and pulled up into the driveway with this nasty look on his face and snapped at me because the dog was off leash and had come up next to his car. I was pretty embarrassed. Another moment where I wanted to say: it's just an MLC and smile.

Here's the topper of the night. S12 is starting to cook! He is getting pretty good. He made a seasoned sauce for a steak we were going to share. We were making a simpler steak for H11 and S10 as they are vanilla eaters. H had come in and made himself a sandwich 10 minutes before dinner! I was helping S12 make his steak while H was making his sandwich. Theoretically as H was right in the room he should have seen S12 making a seasoned steak H wouldn't eat. As the rest of dinner was cooking, S12 and I played a few games of backgammon right at the kitchen table. H scurried off to the dorm room with his sandwiches. During one of the games H came in; I assumed to put back earlier dishes.

S12 and I finish our game and I go to set out dinner only to realize H had eaten the steak S12 had worked so hard on! S12 went to the dorm room to tell him and H13 laughed over it. He said he thought we had already eaten?!? (Of course if the same had happened to his meal, we would all have to treat it like a federal offense.). Moments later he came out and apologized but from the doorway of his room
where we couldn't even see him.

S12 says: geez, he doesn't even come apologize face-to-face. Ugh. S12 has H11's number.


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
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You've h is certainly acting more like a teenager every day! LOL! I believe he's projecting on to you what AA says about hitting rock bottom. I'm just wondering how he knows so much at AA these days. Does he consider himself an addict of some sort? I don't recall you mentioning that he had been one.

Oh the laundry...many of them do their own laundry and are so proud of themselves. My mlcing friend did laundry every day and told me that he didn't have to use his brain to do so. Gosh...maybe we need to go back to the basics of doing laundry and see what is so great about it.

I'm sorry he jumped on you about the dog. I think I would have told the neighbor that he was just acting out while having his crisis these days.

As for the steak...it must have been delicious if he ate the entire thing. Just like a teenager, i.e., not thinking to ask if everyone else had eaten. I'm sorry you son didn't get to taste his own cooking, but he'll get another chance and this time, stay close to the stove to make sure it stays in the pan until you are ready to sit down and eat. Yes, your son has your h's number in more ways than one.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Quote:
He is a teenaged punk and I fantasize about sending him away to a special school with others like him.


Lol - ship him off to military school!

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