Taking back control of my life 2

[Rouky]

I'm going to blush Shotgun if you carry on complimenting me. I actually took your advice and went on a casual date. I was honest with that person. I really had a great time and I couldn't believe that he bought me drinks and good the door for me! So there are descent men out there. We talked for 3 hours, and we found we have quite a few things in common.

What I have learnt from tonight is that I was able to be myself without worrying of what that person might think about me. That it was nice to talk about different subject and to listen and be listened to! That not all men are like H, and are still gentlemen. I know a bit more about what I want and don't want.

The rest of the weekend is going to be quiet. He is supposed to come to do few bits and bobs in the house and asked me to go away for the day, to which I replied no! He didn't like that! Though luck mate!

[shotgun]

I'm so happy to hear about your date! There are decent men out there. If he doesn't get the door for you then he isn't worth dating. I'm also glad that you aren't worried about what he thinks about you. You just being the amazing Rouky is enough to drive all of us boys crazy!

[Rouky]

Day has been a bit of a roller coaster. Really need to detach a bit further. Got praised today for my work. I wasn't expecting it.

H came to see kids earlier, said he had to get changed (I didn't react and carried on what I was doing). I asked him to take dog for a walk, wasn't happy but still did it. Our conversation is at a strict minimal.

What was hard is that my kids are starting to ask more questions. My youngest is under the impression that I don't want their dad to come back home. If only they knew that he was living with OW and left me for her. All I did was telling them that I love their dad, that I want him back home but at the moment their dad doesn't love me and doesn't want to come back! I don't want to lie to them but when he'll introduce OW to them, only then will I tell them the truth! I can see that he had been a coward as he told them that we need to sort out difference and that he might come back! I know that he won't, but then again as IC said he isn't taking any responsibilities!

On another note, getting exited for the end of week as going out two days in a row! What I'm finding hard is not thinking about my situation but I'm hoping to get there eventually:-)

[shotgun]

Rouky that's tough when the kids start asking questions. It's hard to know exactly what to tell them and what not to. You should get some advice from your IC on that one. I have told S13 that I am very sorry that his family broke up and that he has to deal with living in two houses and travel back and forth. Soon he will be driving and I will worry about him being safe on the road. Some days I wish that I didn't care but then he will have two self centered parents.

So what will you do when you go out this weekend?

[Rouky]

Just reporting,

He is getting more and more aggressive. He came to finish few bits and bobs in the house but it was at the same time as he'd have normally see the kids. I had to tell him that I hope he wasn't hoping for me to clean up after him (he has a tendency to do that a lot, does stuff then expect someone to tidy after him, he didn't like that then tell me to f off!. Nice of him.
He was about to go and I said that maybe he could read the kids a story as he didn't spend one minute with them. Gosh he went for me said that he had been working from 7 till 6pm ( I'm up with the kids from 6.45 till 8 pm everyday), that he had a hard day (I also with full time), and that obviously I don't understand him as "I live on another planet". Can someone tell me how I live on another planet, when I'm like him working full time but also looking after my kids and dog while he only has to look after himself! And not that much because OW looks after him.

Am I being unreasonable here?

[shotgun]

Hold on tight Rouky. He is in a fog and cannot see reality. Of course nothing that you do has any meaning to him. On top of all the things that you do you have to maintain a house for him to see his children. Of course you are doing way more than he is but he is blind to it. Lord only knows what it will take for him to wake up so try to focus on you and your children. Above all else make sure that you are safe around him. Probably not an issue for you but something to think about. Praying for peace for you today and hope that you are well.

[Rouky]

Had a very interesting session with IC. We are going to work on mindfulness as I need to break the cycle I am in. I think about the past, don't see any future as we had plan with H, and I'm also finding it hard to leave in present. She isn't pro marriage but at the moment we have decided to focus on me, to find who is Rouky and what does she wants from her life!

I'm thinking way too much about H and like you said Shotgun, I'm doing more than my fair share in bringing up kids, so she thinks I should pay attention about what H says. She also said that not only was I in mourning of my marriage but also my future! I'm feeling more positive. Got given few exercises to do over the week, so I'm looking forward that!

Going out with meetup group for a meal and out with some girlfriends tomorrow night! Will be good!

[shotgun]

I smiled when I read that you were going out with your girlfriends. Sounds like fun to me! Tell them all I said hi.

[Rouky]

Had a really good night. After a nice meal we ended up going dancing! I felt alive, me again :-). Still wish H was there with me but he wasn't. Got a pleasant TM with H this morning, this is the first time in ages that I got a hi and please. I even saw my step-daughter (I haven't seen her for 8 months).

Now got the day for myself with 2 viewing for my house. He even checked with me if I had received his texts regarding the viewing. Decided I'll spent the day only doing things for me!

[shotgun]

So glad that you are feeling alive again! I'm feeling a positive vibe coming off of you so all of your hard work is paying off. I hope your day of doing things for only Rouky went well. For me I had family over and had a great time. I live in a big house and everyone fits in it! After everyone left S13 asked me to bring in the Christmas trees and put them up (we have two). We plugged them in and all of the lights worked! Do you put up a tree for Christmas? A friend of mine asked me to help put up a couple of wreaths and some Christmas lights. Really got me in a good mood and I plan to make this season as fun as I possibly can.