Not sure what to do next

[KMP]

I have the books and I love them. I took notes on a lot of the parts that I thought would help.
I just found out that he may be seeing someone his family helped set him up with.
I'm crushed. It just keeps getting worse and seems like we will never work things out now.

I honestly should just give up. I don't stand a chance

[Cherry]

What is wrong with this family?!?!

What we need, again easier said than done- is get you to be that woman he would be an idiot to leave. And he is going to realise this.

No matter what, you are the mother of his child. Have you got some girlfriends you can see. What do you enjoy doing

[KMP]

I have been seeing my friends here and there. I've mostly been spending time with my mom and dad because they live very close by.
My friends are usually busy so I pretty much just come home or go to my mom and dads. They also aren't married or have kids or anything so they don't really know what I'm going through with this and being pregnant. So I feel like a buzzkill when I hangout with them.

He's going out to bars on the weekends and I'm home crying and suffering from nausea. Ridiculous.


How will he realize he made a mistake and has been being an idiot if we never see each other or talk? If I actually do get myself together, which I hope I do haha, he's never going to know.

[Azzork]

Ok KMP.

Sitting home sobbing and nauseous isn't doing anyone any good. Getting out and visiting with your parents is a START, but that's not GAL. At least not enough.

What can you do to start actually getting your isht together? It's time to go out and meet new people and try new things. Take that first step - as hard as it is. It will be worth it.

[MrBond]

Is there a reason why his family doesn't like you?

[KMP]

At first they liked me.
Then they started to dislike me when I moved in with him when he was in the military. I moved 13 hours away from our families and friends to be with him.
Their dislike started to get worse when we got engaged. They were not happy for us.
Then we were married in a courthouse without any family members and we didn't tell our families we were married until like 5 months later when we moved back home. We didn't tell them because we were afraid of his family's reaction which was absolutely terrible. His mother and I got into an argument and she was very very awful to me. When we got to the bottom of why they didn't like me we found out that my H would go to their house and make me out to be an awful person and said things that were so far from true, then he would come home and act like we were fine. So he was playing both sides of the fence. Telling them one thing but doing differently.
So naturally his mother is going to be worried for her son if she is seeing him upset all the time. I understand that. But the things he was saying weren't true.
I thought we worked past it and I had a long talk with his parents after we found out what he was doing and the next few months were fine. They were much nicer to me and they said how happy they were that I was married to their son and his mother even asked many times when she was going to become a grandma.

Then in October I started to notice the same thing was happening again. He was going to his parents house and lying to me about going there but I could tell in his attitude that he had seen them because every time he would visit them he would come home miserable towards me.

So my guess is he was playing both sides of the fence again because his parents started treating me like crap again. They wouldn't speak to me when I was around them. They would look at me with disgust and it was because he was going to them and getting their sympathy.

The day of the argument, he had gotten hurt at work and chose to tell them instead of me. He left work and went to their house. I stopped at their house and I was so upset he kept choosing them over us.
I took his ring off my finger and I said he has chosen them over us and I left.

I know I was wrong to do that. I'm not happy I did.
But I never thought it would actually be over. I thought we would talk and work things out. But he decided that was it and got his stuff 2 days later from our house. I haven't seen him since. That was a month ago.


This arguement between us was stupid but ended so awful. It is my fault that we aren't together because of my actions that day.

[RosaLinda]

I'm very disappointed in myself. I keep thinking how am I supposed to raise a baby when I can't even take care of myself? My house is disgusting, I don't do my hair or makeup and I've been wearing awful clothes lately. I just don't care about myself.

How will he realize he made a mistake and has been being an idiot if we never see each other or talk? If I actually do get myself together, which I hope I do haha, he's never going to know.

You sound pretty depressed. I know this stuff is hard, but you need to start taking care of yourself, both for your own sake and for your unborn child's sake. Force yourself to take a shower and wash your hair. Put on some makeup and some nice clothes. Then tidy up your house and do the laundry. You'll feel a lot better about yourself afterwards. In addition, make sure you are eating a healthy balanced diet and try to take a walk every day.

You need to start doing these things for yourself K, not to get your husband back. But it won't hurt to look extra nice just in case he does show up at your appointment on Friday!

I'm really nervous for Friday because if he does come to my appointment I'm afraid he will be mean towards me. Or bring his mom and she will be mean towards me too. How should I act towards him? Should I even try speaking to him? And if he doesn't come what should I do? Just forget about reconciling?

Your mother in law sounds like quite a gem, K I'm afraid for you also. I truly hope that once your husband finds out you really are pregnant, he will be thrilled and realize the error of his ways, but please be prepared that he and his mother might try deny that it is his child.

If this happens, or if he or his mom are nasty towards you, just try to keep calm (I know... easier said than done) and quietly ask them to stop talking to you like that. Try to validate their feelings -- my favorite phrase for validating is "I'm sorry you feel like that" -- and ask your obstetrician to perform a paternity test. Most paternity tests are done after the baby is born, but it's possible to have a prenatal paternity test done. It's a noninvasive, safe analysis of DNA from fetal cells in the mother's blood that can be done after the 14th week of pregnancy. Even if your husband does not show up at your appointment on Friday, please tell your obstetrician what is going on, and ask him to perform the test for you as soon as you are 14 weeks.

I just found out that he may be seeing someone his family helped set him up with.

I am speechless. Carry on with taking care of yourself and your unborn child. You cannot control his actions, but you can control your own.

[MrBond]

That still doesn't explain WHY they disliked you. What did they tell him was wrong with you?

[KMP]

First I really want to say that I appreciate all of you talking to me very much. I am in a very dark place right now and it has been very hard to focus on the right things right now. Thank you so much for your kind words!

The girl I was told he was seeing is actually seeing his brother so at least he isn't seeing anyone. Thank God

I started to clean my house up a bit and you are right it is making me feel a lot better to be in a nicer environment. I have never let my house get this bad and I'm not going to let it happen again.

I also made an appointment with my hair dresser to get my hair styled nicely before my doctors appointment on Friday. I bought myself some new makeup (the good stuff) and I'm going to dress nice, in case he does show up. But also for myself because I feel so unattractive right now.
He hasn't denied that it is his child yet, and I'm actually more afraid of his mother trying to take the child away from me than deny its her sons.
She's the type of person that wants the baby for herself.

He has been going out to bars every weekend and he is going to a big bar party next Saturday and I'm thinking he still doesn't believe that I am pregnant, or care, who knows. He seems more interested in bar parties than him being a father.


Back to his family's dislike for me, they told me they didn't know why he was with me because he has broken up with girls that have treated him better, who were prettier than me, and skinnier than me. They've always disliked me. Nothing I've ever done was good enough for him, even though my H wouldn't think that way, they always have. I changed my whole life to be with him. I left my job, moved 13 hours away with him where I knew no one. And before that I stayed faithful to him when he was deployed to Afghanistan for 8 months. None of that is good enough in their eyes.



I'm not sure if he is going through a midlife crisis at 26 or should I be focusing more on the last resort technique? It seems like a bit of both.

I guess I'm at the wait and watch part because there isn't anymore I can do besides work on myself and stay healthy for the baby.
I think I should also see a lawyer to know my rights with the baby. I'm not filing for divorce because I don't want one and I don't think he has yet because he doesn't have that kind of money for one, or his parents, unless they all chip in to pay for it, which they might. To be safe, I think I should talk to a lawyer just to know what I should do about the baby.

[KMP]

Well I have some new developments...
He just text me about the appointment Friday. He is coming.
He asked if he could get the rest of his things after and I said yes. And he wanted to see the dog. Then he asked me if I could get him a copy of the marriage certificate. And I didn't answer him back after that.

So it's definitely over. He needs that to get a divorce. Awesome.