Hi everyone! I'm new here and I was looking for some advice on my situation. My husband and I just celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary September 22nd. We got into an argument 2 days before Halloween and he didn't come home until Halloween to pack his things and leave. I was devastated. I begged, I pleaded and I just fell apart. He was hesitant to leave but his brother kept insisting that he left so after his things were in his truck he left. 2 days after that I found out I am pregnant with our first baby and our parents first grandchild. I told him I am pregnant and he didn't believe me, he thought I was using that as a ploy to get him back. His family is telling him that's what I am doing and that he needs to divorce me. He said 3 times over text that we are getting a divorce in the same conversation that I told him that I am pregnant. He said he wanted to know when my next appointment was and I told him I would tell him when I found out. My next appointment is December 4th this coming week and I told him about the appointment 2 weeks ago. We have been separated for a month now and we are not on speaking terms really. The last time we talked was 2 weeks ago when I text him about the appointment and we had a small conversation about it and that was it. I'm not sure what I can do to help us reconcile because he doesn't seem to want that at all. He still has a few things here and I told him to let me know when he would like to come get it and he hasn't done that yet. The stuff that is here is important to him so I'm not sure why he hasn't come to get it yet. Maybe good maybe bad? He loves kids and he's always wanted to be a dad and I know that he will want to be involved in the baby's life, but I don't think it's very real to him right now. I think he is thinking that it's still a ploy to get him back or that it hang sunk in yet that it's real I'm just not sure what I do next? What if he comes to the appointment? How should I act around him? What if he doesn't come to the appointment? Is there a chance at all at us reconciling?
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Hi KMP. So sorry that you are going thru all this heartache, during what should be an exciting and happy time. How old are you and your husband?
I do not understand why he left, and why his parents are telling him to divorce you, over one arguement. We're you having marital problems before this?
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Sounds like my husband, and echoes freak out all over it. How old are the two of you? I'm so sorry you find yourself here- but we are all here for you.
Keep posting and others will be here to help. Read the divorce remedy and divorce busting.
Rooting for you
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
I am 25 he is 26. I hate to say it but his family is a terrible influence on him. They've said multiple times before that he can do better than me and they don't know why he's with me. His parents split up before because his mother was cheating on his father and a few months later they worked it out. I've never cheated on him, never thought of it even. He hasn't cheated on me either. They like to be involved in everyone else's lives. They are constantly pointing out the things we do "wrong" I think their opinion. They are always getting between the 2 of us. We've had our arguments but so does every couple. To say the whole marriage was miserable isn't true. The only miserable parts were stemmed from his family treating me like garbage or little fights about money or something. I did make the mistake of taking it out on him when it wasn't his fault the way they were acting. I know what I've done wrong in our relationship but his family has him believing it was all me and he did nothing wrong. He is married to me but committed to them. It wasn't always like this until we moved back to the state when he finished the military. He used to make his own decisions, he asked me to marry him and he was so happy. We were married in a courthouse, just the 2 of us no family, just our 2 witnesses. Then once we moved back in our home state in March things started to go down hill. His family was always at our house. They belittled me when he wasn't around to hear it, they constantly tried to get him to spend every minute of free time he could with them and we started to lose sight of us and our relationship. I would even go with him to their house and they would act like I wasn't even there. He saw it for himself and it upset him too
For our anniversary he went all out and did some really cute things for me. It was so thoughtful and sweet of him. So for his family to say that he was unhappy for a while can't be true. Even a mutual friend of ours says that this isn't him. What he's saying and doing are direct actions and words of his parents or brothers.
Your story sounds fairly like mine, totally out of character and not the person we got with. Also our ages are real similar. Sounds as though his family are the main problem here. That and he is probably just having a minor freak out that he is now a married man
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
It's just so unlike him to be this way. He was so happy to marry me and ever since we came home it was like outside influences pressuring him. They tell him he doesn't seem happy and it's because of me but really he hates his job, hated where we used to live, and so on. I understand when someone is angry or upset it's easy to remember the bad times but we had more good times than bad and I wish he would remember those instead. If he was so miserable with me why would we be trying to have a baby? Surprise now I am pregnant and he's not around.
I'm really nervous for Friday because if he does come to my appointment I'm afraid he will be mean towards me. Or bring his mom and she will be mean towards me too. How should I act towards him? Should I even try speaking to him? And if he doesn't come what should I do? Just forget about reconciling?
This is so much easier to say, but from a mother to a mother- you need to focus on you and your baby. Again sounds similar to my H, I think the stresses of life all mount up, and the only logical thing they think they can do is to push us away. That won't bring them happiness, their issues lie with them. But this is their journey to figure.
Nothing is going to wind him up more, and make him start to think more than a confident happy woman. You keep care of you, and post on here
At your appointment, focus on you and baby- this should be the most important and exciting time of your life. She has no reason to be there. I'd say just be friendly, appear at peace. And I'd avoid any relationship talk.
If he doesn't go, more fool him!!! It doesn't mean forget about reconciling, he will regret it for sure.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
I know this may sound terrible, but I'm having a hard time focusing on the right things right now, especially the baby. I'm sure I sound like an awful person and I feel so much guilt for not putting my pregnancy at the highest importance. I don't know how to change from thinking about him and our relationship and what he's doing/feeling to thinking and caring about what I should be caring about. This isn't how I usually am. I'm not proud of myself at all. I'm very disappointed in myself. I keep thinking how am I supposed to raise a baby when I can't even take care of myself? My house is disgusting, I don't do my hair or makeup and I've been wearing awful clothes lately. I just don't care about myself. I keep thinking this baby is going to hate me and blame me for us not being a family.
I'm so ashamed of myself. I know it's not the baby's fault and I know he or she needs me to be healthy and strong and obviously get my crap together, I'm just having a hard time finding the courage to do so.
You don't sound awful at all, db-ing takes time. Hopefully some more experienced people will swing by with more advise. It all starts to happen once you detach.
Have you read the books? They are a great help. Plus read the lighthouse story, I found that helps me on my darker days.
It is really tough for you right now, pregnancy is tough at the best of times. We are here for you though, you are gonna meet some great people. Hang in there, read the books and keep posting
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
