Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 9 of 11 1 2 7 8 9 10 11
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 372
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 372
Kfto - love what your name stands for. Your workouts are inspiring me. I have to get back into a workout regieme. I used to run and do yoga. I haven't done anything for a year. I haVe gone soft (literally) I've got to get back into something I thinkim finally ready

And as they say "fake it til you make it!"

Last edited by Jpeg; 11/28/15 01:18 AM.

M: 27
03/15 - BD ILYBINILWY
09/15 -OW confirmed
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 95
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 95
The only place I feel OK is on the mat training I disappear into human chess. It's amazing. I'll lift and run but nothing like the gentle art of jiu jitsu. Sadly as soon as I'm done cleaning the mats etc reality sets in.
Last night we made love kinda I could barely function everything I closed my eyes I didn't see her with me. Wow this [censored]... I'm just dragging through day to day dealing with this..lol it [censored]. A term my father taught when I was young "grin f!$king" lol I lied through yesterday. And today and tomorrow and so on... I've never felt so down or lost in my life. frown wow... I'm afraid to goto sleep cause I'll have more visions...lol nice guys finish last... I wish I was a d!ck.

Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 95
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 95
The only place I feel OK is on the mat training I disappear into human chess. It's amazing. I'll lift and run but nothing like the gentle art of jiu jitsu. Sadly as soon as I'm done cleaning the mats etc reality sets in.
Last night we made love kinda I could barely function everything I closed my eyes I didn't see her with me but with someone else. Wow this [censored]... I'm just dragging through day to day dealing with this..lol it [censored]. A term my father taught when I was young "grin f!$king" lol I lied through yesterday. And today and tomorrow and so on... I've never felt so down or lost in my life. frown wow... I'm afraid to goto sleep cause I'll have more visions...lol nice guys finish last... I wish I was a d!ck.

Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 372
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 372
Kfto please stop saying nice guys finish last - I truly DO NOT believe that.

You WILL NOT finish last. You are the better person in this sitch and there is a reason for that. We just can't see it yet, through the pain we are experiencing but i know clarity will come, it has started to for me. I am a "nice guy" (girl/woman) and I am not planning on finishing last.

I know this: all 5 of my kids are with me, believe in me, trust me, love me - they haven't seen their father for almost 3 months. I would rather be where I am than where H is (he just spent night cheating on his OW with another OW - ya that's right!)

This can take a long time but you have said how much you love your wife and she wants to stay married so please keep trying and this forum is the best place to left off steam- and on your mats too

And please don't ever wish your were a dick - we have too many of those in our lives - we want to see the good guys!!!!


M: 27
03/15 - BD ILYBINILWY
09/15 -OW confirmed
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 603
-
Member
Offline
Member
-
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 603
Originally Posted By: ktfo
The only place I feel OK is on the mat training I disappear into human chess. It's amazing. I'll lift and run but nothing like the gentle art of jiu jitsu. Sadly as soon as I'm done cleaning the mats etc reality sets in.

..lol nice guys finish last... I wish I was a d!ck.



I can feel your pain. The only time I can stop thinking about my WH or get the pictures in my mind to stop, is when I'm out walking. As soon as I'm finished, the thoughts and constant replay of picturing him with the OW start right back. I can't seem to get any peace.


I am also a "nice person" and it doesn't seem to work out well for me either. I continue doing it because that's just who I am, and because it's the right thing to do. It really hurts me that my WH sees me as a horrible person instead of the nice and compassionate person that I actually am. My only hope is that some day he will wake up and realize what he's throwing away....before it's too late.


M:45 H:48
M:11
No kids
BD:Sept'15
EA:Confirmed 1wk later
PA: Oct'15
12 '15 2 wk R
Just kidding, H wants NC
12 '15 H back w/OW
4 '15 R &still working on it
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 603
-
Member
Offline
Member
-
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 603
So, Thanksgiving was the first holiday (other than Halloween) that I had to spend without my WH. I figured it was going to be lonely for me, but I had no idea that I would feel the way I actually did. It was a pretty bad day for me from the time I woke up until I finally was able to fall asleep at about 7 the next morning! I did feel lonely and sad just like I figured I would, but I also felt extremely grouchy, irritable and just plain in a bad mood! And then couldn't go to sleep to save my life. Ugh! I felt like I jumped down anyone's throat that happened to try to speak to me or stand within about 5 feet of me. I knew that I wasn't being friendly to ANYONE or any fun to be around. I just couldn't stop myself. I found myself trying to apologize to everyone, then I just felt worse for being such a jerk. I was trying so hard to keep my emotions in check that I guess I was mad that no one seemed to even notice or care that I was dying inside. Not really their fault, but I also couldn't seem to help how I felt. Or, maybe I was just really ticked that my WH didn't even care enough to think about me on the first Thanksgiving in 10 years that we weren't together. Who knows. Anyone else feel this way on holidays? I can't even imagine how I'm going to feel on Christmas! Maybe I should just call and say I'm sick and can't go.


M:45 H:48
M:11
No kids
BD:Sept'15
EA:Confirmed 1wk later
PA: Oct'15
12 '15 2 wk R
Just kidding, H wants NC
12 '15 H back w/OW
4 '15 R &still working on it
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 495
B
beckyb Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 495
MB, I am very crabby lately also. It's the stress, sadness and depression. And because I'm mostly functioning now some people seem to think "I'm over it" or better now. They don't get it. I really snapped at my mom last week.

I would like to go to bed until Christmas is over. But instead I am reminding myself that I loved the holiday long before I met H so I'm going to through up some decorations. And I'm having a Christmas tea from my sisters and friends.

What is your sitch? Maybe add some info to your profile?


Me53
H48
M 13
No children together
BDMay '15
PA June '15
H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing
Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 309
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 309
These situations remind me of a song I listened to over and over again ... who says men have no feelings?

I didn't mean it
When I said I didn't love you, so
I should have held on tight
I never shoulda let you go
I didn't know nothing
I was stupid, I was foolish
I was lying to myself
I could not fathom that I would ever
Be without your love
Never imagined I'd be
Sitting here beside myself
'Cause I didn't know you
'Cause I didn't know me
But I thought I knew everything
I never felt

The feeling that I'm feeling
Now that I don't hear your voice
Or have your touch and kiss your lips
'Cause I don't have a choice
Oh, what I wouldn't give
To have you lying by my side
Right here, cause baby

When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby, please
'Cause we belong together

Who else am I gon' lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better

I can't sleep at night
When you are on my mind
Bobby Womack's on the radio
Saying to me
"If you think you're lonely now"
Wait a minute
This is too deep (too deep)
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial
Trying to catch a break
And then I hear Babyface
I only think of you
And it's breaking my heart
I'm trying to keep it together
But I'm falling apart

I'm feeling all out of my element
I'm throwing things, crying
Trying to figure out
Where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
It ain't even half of what
I'm feeling inside
I need you
Need you back in my life, baby

Max


M: 50
S: 25

Changing Life
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 603
-
Member
Offline
Member
-
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 603
Becky, I just can't seem to shake it. I am just so grumpy and irritable and can't seem to be able to control it. I will do okay for a few days, then I'm right back at square one. Wasn't thinking Thanksgiving would be that bad. I mean, I knew I was going to miss him, but I didn't know that it was going to make me impossible to be around. I really dread Christmas. My daughter had been wanting to put the tree up for the last 2 weeks. I kept telling her that we weren't doing it until AFTER Thanksgiving. So, Thanksgiving night you guessed it.....she wanted to put up the tree. I told her that it wasn't happening that night but she just wouldn't let up. She kept asking where we were going to put it and the more she asked, the more irritated I got. It just seemed like a HUGE task! I couldn't even begin to figure out where we were going to have to move things to make room in the corner for it. I know that she thought I just didn't want to ansewr her, but I honestly just couldn't even think about it because it seemed like such a huge task. So tired of not being able to function and just be myself. I keep trying to explain to them that the way I am acting has nothing to do with them, and that I'm sorry, but I know that this has to be getting old for them. Sigh..... Hoping that if I can't pull myself out of this funk soon, that maybe I can at least FAKE IT better for them soon!

I'm sorry that you are having a hard time as well. This is so unfair and it [censored]. I'm glad that you are finding the strength and determination to enjoy your holidays as much as possible. Behave your way to success, right?


M:45 H:48
M:11
No kids
BD:Sept'15
EA:Confirmed 1wk later
PA: Oct'15
12 '15 2 wk R
Just kidding, H wants NC
12 '15 H back w/OW
4 '15 R &still working on it
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 603
-
Member
Offline
Member
-
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 603
Originally Posted By: Maximus
These situations remind me of a song I listened to over and over again ... who says men have no feelings? Max



Aww Max, I would never think that about you! Especially not after that long message that you sent that was very insightful and helpful to me. Thanks again for that! I don't think I know the song that you posted, I will have to find it and listen to it. My kids listen to music all the time. There are a few songs that I have to change the channel when the play. One of them is "Like I'm gonna Lose You" by Meghan Trainor. As soon as it gets to the chorus, I have to turn it.

"So I'm gonna love you
Like I' gonna lose you
I'm gonna hold you
Like I'm saying goodbye....."

I really wish I could go back and do this. Or, maybe he could have told me when our last hug was going to be so I could have held on just a little tighter. frown
Sorry, it's been a really crappy week and I just can't get a break from these emotions.


M:45 H:48
M:11
No kids
BD:Sept'15
EA:Confirmed 1wk later
PA: Oct'15
12 '15 2 wk R
Just kidding, H wants NC
12 '15 H back w/OW
4 '15 R &still working on it
Page 9 of 11 1 2 7 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard