GB. My family is close, very close. We celebrate the holidays with both families- mine on Christmas eve and Christmas night and H family Christmas morning. I have a very large family who has also been extremely supportive. I have thought about taking the kids away on an all inclusive trip for the holidays ( my family has offered to help with money) I hesitate for two reasons 1) I will need the money for lawyers 2) makes it too easy for H - if I take the kids away - I am the one putting a wedge between him and the kids - he has accused me of this multiple times
Thanks Mona - I'm up north of the boarder - we celebrated Thanksgiving back in October - starting to make plans for Christmas- you enjoy your Thanksgiving!
I recently went out with 2 couples. There were a couple of times I felt akward but it was worth it. Use it as an excuse to get dressed up and to gain some practice in a new scene. Usually the guys hang out and talk and the ladies talk amongst themselves.
I think that when you make decisions about how to spend Christmas, the very last thing you should think of is your husband and his feelings and wants. Do what YOU want. He is out of picture. Consider him a ghost. He has been very selfish, now it's your turn (and going on vacation with your kids is not selfish). Plus he checked out of your family so let him. Your kids need some fun and a vacation sounds lovely
Last edited by JulieH; 11/26/1502:20 PM.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
Jpeg...I read through Georgia Bulldog's advice to you as if it were written for me. I plan to take the same approach, starting immediately. I will write one last letter explaining why I'm discontinuing all contact, and putting everything on him.
After that...I'm fine with nothing. His affair with OW has caused him to treat me with the worst kind of disrespect, and I am ready to stop looking for good in all the crap. It stinks, period! I refuse to speak with him, already, confining communication to writing only. I can go even further with that. Now we have text wars, and I'm sick of that, so choosing an intermediary is my next step.
Like you, I want to be true to my faith, beliefs, and vows. It's clear to everyone that I'm in a bad situation with a selfish manipulative H. I see much of the same in yours! I never thought of affairs being abusive...but they hurt far worse then the ugliest comment he's directed at me. Worse, he's hurting the kids, too!
I'm struggling with many of the same things you are. I was (sadly) happier when the kids rallied around me in defense of their dad's evil ways. As they began to miss him, they started wanting to see him/talk to him. I'm a bit ashamed to admit I was hurt by that. I KNOW no good parent wishes alienation from the other parent on their children. I KNOW it is in my kids best interests to have a great relationship with their Dad. Still, my own selfish heart sent out a protest. I wish I were a better person. I kept it from the kids, of course, but the impulse to keep them close was there.
I'm doing LRT, pitch black. It will take a while, I'm certain. His affair with the pretty young thing who has nothing better to do than fawn all over "her man" is still really new, as well as weekends only. Heck! Even I could be extraordinarily charming if I only had to be perfect for 2 days. LOL
I've got so much healing to do. H really hurt me. I'm going to be completely selfish and not worry about him while I repair the damage he did to me, and make sure I'm never open to that kind of hurt again. I want to keep most parts of me and build them up. Other parts, that led to breakdown of M, I will resolve one way or another. I will come out of this whole, happy, and content...with or without H (even though I can't imagine that yet!)
Hi Ancaire, Rouky, Julie Pho. I lost track of who's thread this was. Oh it's mine, I think. Anyway something new has come to light re H that has really helped me detach.
He is cheating on OW with another woman!!!!!! ( someone we have know for years through the kids) Anyway I now realize he is not "in love" with OW. he is just using her He is going through some serious ...it
I think he may be an addict - he is engaging in some deviant behavior
He is texting the 2nd OW about meeting up for .... And then at same time texts me about coming over to help put up Christmas lights. I just replied "Done already". He asked if he could help with anything else. I will not reply. He asked for ideas about Christmas presents for ME and kids. I did not reply.
He is also drinking a lot. I think he is going to explode or implode - something has got to give - he is wrapped up in sooo many lies
Jpeg. wow, that is a surprise and yet not! I think that will help you detach. My mind is filling in your ...... with some crazy stuff, none of it good. Just further proof that he is really having a MLC.
Wow. Classic. I can see my H doing that. Nothing would surprise me anymore.
I wish I could take the kids away for Christmas. That is such a great idea, I'll start saving for next year! This year still has the feeling of unreality to it. Next year...ugh. A trip would be such great fun!
