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Quote:
I can't live my life being afraid of aging or feeling shame for what is normal. And I don't want to be with some pansy of a guy who is sqeamish over aging.


Amen, sistah!!!!

It's part of their MLC, that fear of aging. My ex is fighting it my marrying a woman 17 years younger and hanging out with her young friends (not that I have anything against her, she seems like a sweet girl and is nice to my grown kids).

But at 40, you are still YOUNG! I would love to have my 40 year old body back (I'm 59). But most men who are not OCD or MLC (my ex was both) are NOT checking out your imagined flaws. Since my divorce I dated several men, including some who were quite a bit younger than I, and not one of them had complaints about my body. My current long term boyfriend is 8 years younger, built like a pro athlete, and he thinks I'm perfect the way I am.

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Hi HaWho, I don't think the rejection of 'ageing you' (for want of a better term - apologies) is really about you. I think it is about his own fears relating to growing old. He can't bear to see it and accept it in you because that would mean accepting it in himself.

I think ageing you is probably very beautiful to him on so many levels. However, his fears prevent him from seeing that just now. Please know that this is about him. We are many of us on the downward slope. I'm more than halfway to ninety now....but growing older doesn't make us less thans. We are all beautifully unique miracles.


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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HaWho Offline OP
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KML and Sotto- thanks. I see both your sides so equally.

Funny: I read your post KML and I just want you to know, that if someday I need to fold up my marital tent, I may be going on a double date with you! Lol!!

I don't know how/if he will come out of this, obviously. And here's the real ugly, ugly truth of this. If he truly "comes out of this" how will I really know if that disgust over my aging or aging in general, isn't secretly still lurking in him? I hate to say this, but I don't know if I can trust this guy to grow up to be a deeper man. These days, a thimble is deeper than he is.

Let's face it, many, many men leave for younger women. As you say Sotto, it's not about the women to whom they are married. But that doesn't change the fact that they are chasing skirts of 20 year olds. And maybe if they stay married they are secretly coveting those young women over their wives.

Truth be told: there is no way to know which H is going to emerge from that dorm room. What if he just has bad character on this issue and it is only now surfacing? Gosh, do I feel awful voicing that...


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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Please start a new thread. You now have 103 postings/replies.

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Hi HaWho

I agree with kml and Sotto, your h is projecting his own insecurities onto you. Body acceptance is one of the more difficult things to master, we tend to see ourselves completely different to those around us, we compare ourselves and become fixed on seeing what isn't an issue at all. Don't allow this man, any man ..or woman .. to make you feel less than you are, which a beautiful women, mother and friend.

I loved reading your post, you have a forcefulness around you today.

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Okay: new thread. Here is the link to the old one:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2626398#Post2626398

LouR-I am circling you into this thread. I do feel this forcefulness today. I see how hard both these paths are. Honestly, if he walked upstairs this instant and said he is done, I would truly accept it. How different is that from a year ago?!?

And unlike before, I wouldn't see myself as failing because my M folded. I have separated my worth from the status of my marriage. I would feel so bad for my children but I can see that it is him and not all me.

From the get-go I was willing to work like a pack mule. I acknowledged my weaknesses and faults. He told me that day it was all my fault. If he ended the M now, it would be okay because it would mean he still can't lift a finger to work on it.

I know the body issues are transference issues. I get that. But that does not mean he will outgrow it.


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,597
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Here is the link to my new thread:


http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...Post2626402Here is the link to my new thread:


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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