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#2624646 11/17/15 11:01 PM
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123mich Offline OP
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Here is a link to my first post http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...05#Post2611605.

This journey to detachment has been a slow but steady process and I am thankful for the support here. The feedbacks and comments are encouraging.

This past weekend was typical where activities are family focus (kid events and social with friends). The one difference is WW continued to be friendly and polite towards me as we entered the weekday. She even said goodnight to me Monday night; she NEVER does that (always goes to other bedroom without a word).

Also on Monday night, I saw several text alerts on her phone pop up from OM. I did not freak out or bring it up (kudos to me.. first time not saying a word about it). I assumed she was sharing how my S10 won his flag football championship tournament on Sunday; along with other stuff. Had a flash back where W shared S10 win with league baseball championship this spring (back then I saw the text along with the sex texting too). Did I mention OM is the owner/head coach of the travel baseball team my S10 played on? Makes me ask the question, is it wrong for me to take a stand that I will support any baseball team my S10 wants to play on EXCEPT for this travel baseball team this OM owns?


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123mich Offline OP
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Journaling.
Work has been crazy busy leaving little time for me to work on my personal goals. I have the framework but need to put it down on paper so I may routinely review and edit as needed.

Last night I went to a school fundraiser for my S10; just parents. I went in place of my W and would have never signed up for this but actually walked away from it feeling good. It was an exercise class (spinning). The instructor made it fun. While I was suffering on the stationary bike I had a moment to reflect that heck I got to stop feeling sorry for myself and move on; I don't deserve to be punished (mentally and emotionally) for something I truly was not aware of (not knowing I was not meeting my W needs); so it's time to learn from my mistakes; pick-up my pieces (she broke me) and raise up to be a better man.


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Someone at my work made a comment on the crazy hours (and pressure) many people are experiencing here at my job. Though he was making reference to a job I found it insightful. He said, don't waste 90% of your life worrying about the 10%; enjoy life. I took this as why am I wasting my time focusing on something I have no control over.. I am getting there.. DETACHING.


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Journaling.
Every year we spending Thanksgiving with family. Last few years we hosted but this year I am going to be selfish (I hate spending 1 day prepping and the next day cleaning up) so want to do something different and take my kids on a roadtrip (since they have no school). We will see how things go. Leaving tonight (Tues) and returning this weekend. W is coming. It's the only way the kids expressed interest in going. I am detaching from R so we will see how I feel during and after roadtrip.


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So, we decided on a nontraditional thanksgiving this year; short road-trip. We hit the road Tuesday after work. Wife offered to drive first leg so that I don't have to drive the entire 6 hours.

Kids fall asleep. Three hours into the drive, it's 9pm (of course traffic), wife's phone is in the center console's cup holder, she gets a text and it's from the OM. I ask her if she would like me to drive so she can answer him. She does not respond to me but continues with our conversation; ignoring my jab.

We make a rest stop. When she returns to the vehicle she places her iPhone turned screen down on the floor. I jab her again, saying she doesn't have to turn your phone screen down to hide his texting.. shouldn't take the risk of scratching iPhone screen; she ignores me again and doesn't fall for it.

I was loosing control of my thoughts and emotions. The first 2 days at theme park I can't shake off the fact that she is still communicating with him. It was impacting MY TIME and SPACE with MY KIDS.


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Third day we leave for another theme park down the road. We get there and my S10 points out a boy few years older than him wearing a hoodie with the travel baseball team he played on.. the travel baseball team owned and coached by the OM. I jab at W again saying, maybe mom can take a picture of the boy and send it to OM. She doesn't fall for it but gives me a look of please stop it.

2 hours pass and we exit a ride. On the exit out, my S10 jumps up and down as if he sees a celebrity saying there is <beep>. The OM!! We have to walk past him because he sitting down eating lunch with his team parents. I am thinking WTF!

We walk passed OM. WW and OM do not knowledge each other. So, I call out to W asking her to hold-up. I say, you can go back and hangout with them and I will take the kids. She replies, no I am here to spend time with.. <not sure what she said cause I was in a f#@! blur> and continues to walk while holding my S10 hand.

She gets back in line for the same ride because its my S8 favorite ride (only ride he actually cares to ride). At that moment I lose it.. I learn towards her and whisper.. you have NO f@#!'en IDEA how I feel. Her response in a claim tone, no I do not.


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I know I should not confront W but how can I let this go? I realize she will just lie to me.. again. But, to ignore it? It's driving me NUTS!!

During our road-trip and over the weekend W kept going over the activities now to the end-of-year. There is a lot, half are kid activities but the rest are purely adult relate events. I want to ask her what's up with her and the OM. Perhaps she would prefer to go with OM. I recall reading somewhere that someone did not want to be in an open marriage; I understood the concept but now I am feeling that I too do not want to be in an open marriage.. where I get nothing but the crap that comes with a marriage. Why should I PRETEND to be married? This is not my definition of a marriage. I wasted 2 years of my life.

Flashback.. several weeks ago she removed all pictures and memorabilia of marriage. She even went into my dresser and threw out all the greeting cards/notes I kept from when we were dating. I found them in the trash.. and if I didn't find them by chance my kids would have thrown them out with the trash (their chore).

Back to present.. holidays around the corner and she already sent out invites to our Christmas party. But for the past few days I have been seriously thinking perhaps she can do ALL the work (and cover all the cost herself.. she works), I will step out that night and she can invite OM. Why not, many of our friends know who this OM is because of his business (travel baseball team) then it does not need to be a secret A. OM can be her date for the other holiday events too. I do not want to be with her!


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What's bad about this situation is I know this past road-trip was for my kids. But subconsciously I let my MR get to me. I rode my S10 hard for misconducts like picking on his younger brother while standing in line, in the car ride, at dinner, etc. I had a hard time differentiating my S10 from the kid he is who admires a coach he looks up too.. problem for me is the coach is the OM.. only if he knew the truth. Perhaps I should confront W and tell her we should tell our kids about our MR and OM..

I can't carry this secret much longer.. it's eating at me.


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You would do that to your child?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Does this site not advocate exposing affairs to the whole world to crush them like the filthy little bugs they are? It is impossible to work on a marriage if there are more than two people in that marriage. Affairs are never ever a positive thing and must be ended. Affairs thrive on secrecy and deception. Take those two tools away and and they wither and die. I've been there.

Last edited by TxHubby; 12/01/15 06:41 PM.


The future is as bright as you demand it be.
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