"She still seems to be able to make me feel anxious, problem is she always has my daughters there and they talk about things i dont really have any input with, they all work at the same place and the conversations are usually about that, i cant really say much and i feel a little disadvantaged here, I just have to sit there and i cant talk much. I feel it dose not allow me to portray any confidence!"
Doesn't allow you? If you are going to protray confidence, you have to sieze the moment. If you stand around feeling anxios and just watching her, you wull never get the opportunity. If you are self empowered, this will appear normal, instead of superimposing yourself into their conversation or activities.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Read NMMNG - deal with the 'makes me feel' 'does not allow me to' 'I have to sit there.'
These are all statements of a man who perceives himself as powerless and essentially controlled by others. NMMNG is a book that is all about reclaiming your personal power.
I believe there are NMMNG groups too....you may want to join one..
That's what I would focus on...
Last edited by Sotto; 11/23/1507:11 PM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Most of the friends I have are women. They have offered to go for dinner see a movie etc, but I know one on one is not good.
So how can you make NEW friends? Sounds like you should go out and join something NEW.
Originally Posted By: AU Bob
It really sux that WW, WAS can do it, and the one left behind has to be a saint, I mean six months of not having female company is a drag, I mean I wish she was still here and I was doing stuff with her but she is gone and who knows if we will ever R.
You are free to do whatever you want. It's not about 'being a saint'. It's about taking actions that get your closer to your goals. If your goal is to "sleep with a woman", then your latest actions are probably not getting you closer to that. If your goal is to reconcile with your W, then they probably are.
So, what do you WANT?
Originally Posted By: AU Bob
They really seem to have it all while they are FREE, and we just have to suffer, I wonder if the ones that do ever R understand the sacrifice their LBS has had to endure?
You dont have to suffer. If you do this right, then you really WONT suffer after a while. But you actually have to get out there and DO it...
Yes Sandi2 you are right. problem is when I do see her I am usually at my daughters house and most of the discussion is about work, they don't really speak to her about social stuff either, they are upset about the things she is doing too. She dose not come to see me, so there is little I can do about it. If she dose want to speak to me, I will sincerely do my best to be confident, I spose I need to do some personal development so I can do this.
H 50 W 46 T 31 M 24 EA 11.11.15 PA not sure. Dx3 Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
Hi Sotto I did not realise this was a book. I saw and read a page written about this but not the book. I will see if I can get a copy. I think I need it!
H 50 W 46 T 31 M 24 EA 11.11.15 PA not sure. Dx3 Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
Hi Azzork. Yes I have rekindled old friendships and started getting back into sporting groups I used to be in. I have a retro cycling group I ride with once a month. Every Sunday morning I take my old 56VW beetle out for coffee with three VW friends of mine, and I have started going out once a month to see a local band at the pub. And I have regular coffee and dinner outings with my children and friends.
I think I did not really say the right words about the female company thing. I'm not really out to get layed, but I do miss the closeness you have when you have a partner, you can not get this from just a friend, sitting on the couch watching a movie together for example, this is what I miss the most. I do want to reconcile with my wife and this is what keeps me going, but as you know every now and then your new found strength dose fail a bit.
I am getting stronger but at six months it is still a bit raw. I wish I found this forum when the BD happened I have and continue to make mistakes, but at least I have some advice and direction now, and I have you guys to thank for that!
H 50 W 46 T 31 M 24 EA 11.11.15 PA not sure. Dx3 Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
Steer the conversation to things that you and your daughters can talk about. Things you will not be left out of and have confidence with. You don't have to let them talk about work. Talk about what you want to talk about. Particularly, NEW things you are doing. (HINT: GAL Stuff)
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
