Fist of all, I am sorry you took offense to my nuts statement. But I do stand by what I've said.
My advice would be, to man up. No groveling, no excuses, no begging, no pleading, no tears. Be a man about the whole thing.
And do not worry about the outcome. You really do need to realize your R died at BD. That does not mean a new one might not start, but your previous R is dead as a dodo. Gone. So have no fear.
The second thing you have to realize is that she is going to try to blame it ALL on you. All of it. IT will be your fault for snooping, your fault for not loving her enough, yadda, yadda yadda... Trust me, it is not all your fault. Some perhaps, but all of it, no.
So the snooping pill you will just have to swallow. I do not see any way around it. You could say, that you care so you had to know if she was lying to you. And leave it at that.
Now the R talk, that one you should avoid, you have less than 0,0000000000000000001% chance of turning it around with the R talk at this point. Look at it from her perspective. She just found out you put some kind of a spy device on her phone and in her eyes it makes you look like a pathetic criminal (I do understand you buddy, I really do, I would do the same), she is on a high from OM, in her eyes he is everything you are not. ATM, your chances of reasoning with her are less than the snowball's in hell.
StongJ, perfect execution! The perfect moment, she gave you the perfect opening, and you gave the perfect response. No ones ever really ready for those kind of confrontations so I am glad you just went with it.
Stand strong, become a man only a fool would leave, and whatever the outcome you can be proud of the effort you gave and the person you became.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
I want to set a boundary around her relationship with the OM. I will give a quick recap of what i know what she thinks i know and whats been said about it to this point then i will post what i am thinking of saying.
What i know: i know she talked sexually and kissed this guy. I know she continued talking to the guy and being flirty after she said she would dial it back to being just freinds. I also know she has met up with him several times after after she said she would just friends. I know they have been going more then talking but i dont know how far they have gone but i suppose i would assume they have banged.
What she thinks i know: she only thinks i know they kissed and talked sexually. As far as shes concerned she probably thinks she has covered her tracks well. She thinks im ok with them having a professional relationship and a codial freindship outside work.
What i have said: i origonally told here is was ok with cordial freindship as in one similar the kind i would have with one of her freinds. I dont text her freinds. This in hindsight is obviously a mistake i never realized how attched she could possibly be to this guy since ive never ever even been close to the situation she is in before.
Hi Strongj
Originally I characterized my W's EA as non-typical . I knew she was getting emotional support from OM but when you see it in writing it hurts a whole lot more. When I didnt know the content it didnt hurt so much and I could blank it out a lot though I kept wanting to confront him and ask him how his partner of 14 years would react to seeing his texts to my W.
Our sitchs are remarkably similar except I have yet to confront W properly.
What I know: She talks to OM every day or close to everyday mainly via phonecall in the car but also via text and FB messenger from her phone in the house. She flirts with him. She has met up with him several times for coffee. She has kissed him on the cheek/forehead. He is very much into her, she reciprocates but in a cool way but one message she said ‘ Missing you (OM Name) teary emoticon.
I have met him twice and he has befriended me via FB to ‘diffuse’ the pressure from me to W.
What she thinks I know: She is more secretive about texting him etc, always careful to make sure cellphone is secure with fingerprint security. Same for her ipad. I think She suspects I hacked her FB account. She knows I know they talk in the car.
What I have said: I originally told her I was ok with a cordial friendship as long as she didn’t hide the fact she was texting, talking to him. This was a huge mistake and gave a green light for them to carry on.
Now that I have seen some FB messages from him to her and put everything into context - its a full blown EA – I need to set a boundary.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
I hope everything is OK StrongJ. Don't let a few spoil the real help you can get here. There have been some stories that were really at the end that turned out to be great successes in some part from the support of people on here.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
