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[Tamjakr]

That he is lieing to her. So I guess I should move on😒

[Cadet]

I guess I should move on😒

Is that what you want to do?

Remember this is divorce busting not divorce encouraging.

[Tamjakr]

Most definitely not! Just feel hopeless and scared

[Cadet]

So let me rephrase what you need to do.

Detach, Let GO, and Move Forward with your life.

Stop focusing on what he says or does and focus on yourself.

Make yourself into a person that only a fool would leave.

[Sotto]

Hi Tamkjar, I'm so sorry you're here, but there are some people here who are wise indeed and will help you if you stick with it and keep posting.

Two words sprang to mind when I read your post above - cake eating. Your H hopes to keep you on the back burner while he sees how things pan out with OW. Is that somewhere you're willing to be?

He will continue to sleep with you (in secret) and see you (in secret) as long as you allow this. My advice would be to set protective boundaries here - I won't be in a R with you while you are in a R with OW. Then step back, get on with your life and leave him to it.

This will take a while to play out for sure if it is like most A's. It will be less painful for you if you detach yourself from him and limit interactions to child-related things.

Keep posting and take care x

[Tamjakr]

Thank you! I am going to try my hardest to do that! It seems impossible but nothing else is working! I love getting advice , it helps!

[Dawgs]

Tamjakr, I am right there with you. To be honest, for the longest time on this forum I sought advice on dealing with my W but never really followed it. It took some time for me to realize the situation, and then I started following the advice of the great posters on here. It may be too late for my situation, but I am trying.

The main thing that I realized is that I can't change my W or get her to see things outside of her fog. It took me so long to see the error of my ways. Now that isn't to say that I am now doing it according to plan and one look at my situation will tell you that I am still making mistakes, but I am trying.

I will also be honest and say that this is the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life, bar none. I haven't broken down in some time but there are moments when all it would take is the slightest breeze.

So, keep your head up. Get the book DR. Read it. Listen to the awesome posters on here - however, I know my advice is often off the wall, but it really helps me to post in others' threads. Sort of a therapy in my own right. You will be fine!

[Tamjakr]

Thank you! I hope I have success and he sees the grass isn't greener on the other side! His ow just left her husband and kids and moved to my town where they both work. She actually moved down the street from me so it's torture not to see if he car is there or not!

[gonegrl]

I wouldn't date other people, that will just complicate the situation no matter what happens to your marriage.

I am not clear on a few things- you were divorced in 2008 but then got back together after a year?

Why did you get divorced? Are you remarried, just in a r, what is your status?

How many children/ages? Who has the kids now?

You say things got bad again in the last year. Did you ever deal with your issues that caused the original divorce? Counseling, etc? How did you get back together? Are these the same issues that you never dealt with in the first place?

[SciDad]

Welcome Tamjakr,

Sorry to meet you under these circumstances, but we're here to help. I have a few more questions. Do you have any children together? Were you remarried or living together after the year apart?

Oh, and please don't date it's not fair to anyone else to start a relationship while you're still thinking about your H