Hi Tamjkar, well done not breaking down and texting or calling him. I remember feeling desperate for contact in the early days too - it's hard. However, if you do text and call, it can be pressure for him to resist against and back further out of the R. You can imagine, if you texted every 5 mins for a whole day, he would be running out of the door probably.
But if you put the breaks on your contact, there's nothing for him to resist. He can stop thinking negatively about the contact...and he may even become a little curious. Particularly if you have been the pursuer in the relationship.
GAL and focusing on your own life make this all a little easier. If you're meeting a girlfriend for dinner, that's a couple of hours with your mind on something else. Same for work and so on. The more you can do (without burning yourself out) the more your attention and focus shifts - particularly if the new things are enjoyable, extend your skills, meet new people and so on.
I agree with the recommendation to get reading the 'homework.' Truly there is much to learn and the stories of others can be helpful too.
Good luck x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Tam, a trick I use is sometimes I leave my phone in a different room, or even in the car for a while. I actually just realized that I don't have this problem anymore, and it was huge for me for the first several months, I was obsessed. Now when H texts me I barely react. It takes a long time, just try to go 15 minutes today, or 30 minutes, or whatever you can do and work up. You can do this.
Thank you . I feel stronger today and I'm feeling like I don't deserve the crap he's putting me through so I'm with my friend just relaxing and talking and it feels good!
T-20 yrs M- 7yrs Me-46 XH- 44 S15, S21 1yr separation and divorce, my decision-07 1yr separation, my decision-2012 His PA started Aug 2016 I moved out Sept/16 He's been with OW ever since
And I've lost 7 lbs and been walking more so that's a plus!
T-20 yrs M- 7yrs Me-46 XH- 44 S15, S21 1yr separation and divorce, my decision-07 1yr separation, my decision-2012 His PA started Aug 2016 I moved out Sept/16 He's been with OW ever since
We both wanted to remarry but we didn't for financial reasons. I haven't heard from him since last Fri when he told me we need to put our feelings on hold. To me he's the one going dark since he's with the ow but I haven't called or texted which is huge for me. I've really wanted him back to start from scratch , do counceling and live by db suggestions in the book but I guess that's definetely out of my just control. I would remarry and not worry about the financial issues and try to work thru them so it's really hard that basically he's saying if it doesn't work out with ow maybe we can get back together. Just last fri he was cake eating with me. No more!! I don't deserve to be second choice if this falls thru with ow but it the chance to get back and start with a beginners mind I would so it's confusing to me as far as self respect goes. Advice?? As for now I'm GAL. Also I worry about now it will be going to my sons bb games. Will he sit by me? Will he bring her? I've only been out of the house for 2 months. I would hope he would have more respect for me and my son than to bring her but who knows...
T-20 yrs M- 7yrs Me-46 XH- 44 S15, S21 1yr separation and divorce, my decision-07 1yr separation, my decision-2012 His PA started Aug 2016 I moved out Sept/16 He's been with OW ever since
I broke down and sent him a message saying it was hurtful that he introduced our son to the ow without discussing with me. Granted our so. Is 15 so maybe he didn't need to?! Of course no reply from him. Why do I do this to myself?
T-20 yrs M- 7yrs Me-46 XH- 44 S15, S21 1yr separation and divorce, my decision-07 1yr separation, my decision-2012 His PA started Aug 2016 I moved out Sept/16 He's been with OW ever since
First Thanksgiving alone. I'm working for 1/2 a day the maybe going to a friends. Trying to stay positive
T-20 yrs M- 7yrs Me-46 XH- 44 S15, S21 1yr separation and divorce, my decision-07 1yr separation, my decision-2012 His PA started Aug 2016 I moved out Sept/16 He's been with OW ever since
Hi Tamjakr, Happy Thanksgiving to you and I hope you have as nice a day as you can in all circumstances. I didn't feel like 'doing' Xmas at all last year, but it helped me to think that I had had many lovely Xmases in my life and there was bound to be the odd cr@ppy one.
I hope you manage to visit your friend and have a nice time. If you can stay positive and be thankful for the many good things that remain in your life - despite the sitch at present - you'll have the best day possible.
Take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
