STBXH's selfishness hasn't ceased to amaze me lately. I believe my eyes are truly open now and I am learning how to be stronger when dealing with him.
I just dropped off S4 at his parent's house (where he is living) exactly at the time I said I would and he was pissed that I wasn't there earlier because he was heading to his workout. He texted me late last night while I was sleeping "see you at 10:30/10:45?" After I had confirmed that I would be dropping him off at 11:00, our scheduled time. I responded that I had plans and would see him at 11:00. He never replied back.
Keep in mind that his parents live almost 30 minutes away so for the last 5 months we have arranged it so that whom ever drops off, the other picks up, and vice versa. So that one person isn't driving the distance twice.
Right before leaving I asked him what time would he be bringing him home? He looked at me with complete shock and said "I assumed you would be picking him up. With my new schedule I have to be at work at 3:00". I stated that I was not going to drive here twice in a couple of hours. He got so mad and spewed at me that "Fine, I will just go to my workout and then come home and pick him up and bring him back to you. I won't get any time with him". I said 'okay' and left.
I probably could have given in (I don't have plans until this evening) but I am tired of being the target of his anger for his choices. He knows which Saturdays he gets to spend with S4, for only a few hours. It is not on me that you are scheduling solo events for yourself and not actually spending the time with your son. He is lucky that I did not grab S4 and leave with him because I did not go through hell creating this parenting plan for the grandparents to watch our son.
If I need a 2x4 please give it to me. I think he is pissed that I am no longer bending over backwards to make his life easier and mine harder. It is time he starts to realize the consequences of this actions and start taking responsibility for his life. I don't have to do that anymore.
Last edited by ep0215; 11/21/1505:24 PM.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
I am trying so hard to change my behaviors that got me in this predicament. They are for me and if in the end I get my H back then great. If I don't then I know in my heart I have done everything I could and some other man and I will live a long and happy life together.
I am not allowing him to bulldoze my emotions to get what he wants.
I am not responsible for his life anymore. I do not have to remind him daily of things he needs to do or where to be. I give him the information in an efficient and timely manner. It is up to him to follow through.
I am sending pictures and videos of S4 so that he has a chance to feel included (always did this)
It is up to him to live his life now, on his own. I refuse to be blamed for his life going wrong. I know a played a part but I am not solely to blame.
One thing I am still struggling with is after I do stand up for myself or not 'fix' things for him, I feel guilty. How do I move past that? I know I have done those things for so long that I feel like I should be doing them but at the same time I know that isn't really helping him, it's enabling him.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
My sister and I went to the Katharine McPhee concert last night. It was at a small theater venue and was awesome. One song she sang really spoke to me, here is a few of the lyrics...
I found love from the strength of letting go I found faith from the nights spent on my own I found me in a place too crazy to mention They say that life is stranger than fiction
It took the darkest day to realize That the sun will set but not slip away Bruises we made Finally fade The moment we walk away
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
I'm really perturbed at the moment that it is lunch time and STBXH just texted me to tell me S4 has been throwing up all morning and that he is out sick from school today. I should have been told immediately if he is that sick. I just don't understand him. I let him know right away when something is wrong with our son. Why does he feel that he doesn't have to do the same with me???
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
L just emailed...In an effort to resolve these matters the group feels it may be important to revisit these matters as soon as possible. They are moving up the next collaborative meeting to next week. Let's hope we can resolve things, I'm not hopeful. Looks like it may end up being next week.
I know I need to be positive but this has been such a battle I never expected. I will continue to remain calm and I will not give in on what I feel is what's best for me and my child. That will not be neglected.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
I have to tell myself this daily, and if I am honest, many many times daily.
You do not need to feel an ounce of guilt for the choices he is now making. You are sending him videos of S, you no longer have to do that. He moved so far away, right? Than it is up to him to drive the distance. He MUST take responsibility for his actions.
Wait, that is not true. It does not matter to you one bit if he takes responsibility. YOU MUST NOT take responsibility for his actions.
I am not telling you to be mean. All I am saying is you should not go out of your way to make it better for him right now.
He will complain. But you are handling his complaining brilliantly so far.
That "okay" you gave him was the most perfect okay in the history of the world!
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Thanks Mona! I know I am making the right decisions, rationally, but the guilt is there because I lead him for so long. It's time for him to take his own path. It feels good to have the reassurance
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
