Lost my temper today. The silent tx got to me and he prob got the reaction he intended, or a reaction period.
After Ellie pointed out the toilet thing, I made a funny, not nasty comment and got crickets. Was hoping I'd get a little friendly banter, ask again about ins. and leave it.
I don't bother this man. I don't text him. I leave him to his life. But, I felt angry that even an obvious attempt to keep the lines of communication got silence and, I told him so. I don't care if you respond with "I hate your guts," but some acknowledgment seems little to ask. Idk.
Not sure if he is simply indifferent, or, more likely, still ticked about the D and hoping to get a rise outta me. He did. Whatever.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
When I think about it, this is what he would do to his parents to shut them out as a kid. He'd literally hide from them and try to aggravate them any way he could. I could be wrong, but it seems like he has gone deeper into childhood since August.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
He called me. Back to missing us. Wanted to hear my voice. I said my voice is available most days... 24/7. i was upbeat, honest and apologized for unloading. Said he didn't get my messages and they were out of order.
Dropped his phone in Lake Erie.
He recited my FB page. Knew Louisa had gotten a haircut last week. Knew my aunt had bears in her back yard. Saw the pics of the cats we posted a few days ago.
Said he missed us, but acted like we live in Australia. Cal is two hours away.
Sounded resigned to his sad lot in life. Maybe it was a load of shod and he was manipulating? For what though. IDK.
This MLC stuff is messed up.
Last edited by LoisB; 11/20/1502:25 PM.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
He texted me again just to say Hi and thanks for the call. I know it could be the Thanksgiving thing. Kinda freaking me out a little. Life is going well. I'm afraid of him???
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I'm good. Just Matt doing his Matt Thang. It's the holidays after all! What would the holidays be without Matt telling me he missed hearing my voice!!
Maybe I should do some voice-overs? Guess I have that special sound in my voice.
Weird thing... I think what freaked me out... Well, first off, he contacted me via an Internet messaging thing that the girls and I use for free. He had to search me up and that sorta weirded me out. I know he is studying my FB page and the stalking what he can with the girls. It's just a little odd and freaky.
Apparently, there's some regret?? Searching for something??
Whatever. But, what really gets me is... because he is so silent for these long periods... he has become a fantasy. He is this guy that I loved and grew up with and... When he reveals the REAL him and comes outta the shadows, it's sorta scary. BECAUSE???
Because, I'm not sure I want him anymore. I would swipe left if I came across his profile online. Smoker, frequent drinker... IDK. I guess I'm ok with the fantasy of Matt getting his shid together... but, the reality is much more WEIRD and AWKWARD.
I feel like that girl in high school who was relentlessly pursued by this guy (Matt) who was a bit of a loser, lacked confidence and seemed a little too clingy.
Have been invited on another date by another man.
Decided to volunteer with a local restaurant to help for a Thanksgiving meal. NO COOKING. There will be music, lots of people and Louisa and I will be doing community service! Plus, I will be working--taking photos--so, I'm excited. Way diff. than sitting in our snowy outpost last year with just the three of us. :-)
I got this.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I also need to mention... as life settles... I'm more able to see where I need to get my own shid together.
-I begged him to stop drinking/using drugs. -He begged me to stop being irresponsible with money (earning, managing, spending).
Stalemate... Divorce.
But, I need to remind myself there were other issues of his, underneath, which set this all in motion. Without those deep issues, we would have continued on, like many other married couples, stuck--but, still married.
I guess he did us both a favor in some ways. As scary as it is... I'd rather face my own demons than continue to avoid them as I did while married.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
