A new day and a fresh start. I'm feeling good after seeing some family yesterday and keeping most thoughts of W at bay.
I often wonder what she thinks about in the morning and if I am part of it. My routine lately is waking up and praying a bit for both of us before jumping in to all things work. I think today I'll just give thanks for a new 24 hour lease and all the great things that can happen during this time.
I'm thankful for all of you here in this community. Here is a group working towards making themselves better and stronger people and not just hitting the gym to do it. There is much deeper work and growth here. There is a whole lot of soul searching is going on.
I read someone's post earlier saying something like this is the worse place to find the best people. I chuckled a bit at the time but honestly it is very true.
I am sorry that you are finding your way back to this website again.
You are so right about the best people being here! There is a lot of soul searching with deep growth happening all around us. There are also solutions.
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
I'm not a vet and I don't think I'm DB the right way but I completely identify with your position. This roller coaster is hell. I can only offer you my sympathy and I think you are going the right thing by taking one day at a time.
Thank you Rouky. Your kind words mean much in terms of support. I have read quite a bit of your story in the few months I have been here. I offer my support and sympathy as well. One day at a time is all we really have so with friends such as you and everyone here I believe we will make the best of ourselves. It might take a while but we will.
Another day has gone. This morning I feel slightly better than last. I had a healthy chat with IC and shared some fun time with a good friend. I needed it and here is why -
I have been frustrated with a few thoughts that creep into my head here and there. Mainly W and OM. Each day gets better but there are tumbles and falls to take along the way. I fell hard earlier this week and it has taken a couple of days to pick myself back up and heal from the pain.
I think HW will be the go to term for OM from now on or maybe just plain old d_bag. Yeah that's it. I think it will help add a little comedy to the visualization techniques I am learning.
When I was younger I loved going to amusement parks. I was fond of roller coasters more than anything else. Since BD I have grown sick of them and have not even been on one in years. I feel I am currently riding down a steep drop on one. Today went well if I take everything in to perspective. So what happened?
I am on my own right now and it is a little too quiet. I think it is interesting how I would take advantage of these moments while together. We would do nothing at all and for some stupid reason I felt I still needed more of that. More time alone.
For W anything with me would have been welcomed. Whether it was watching tv or just a walk with the pets. I was dumb numb and could not see the loneliness I helped create. I was unable to see the void because I was too busy creating it.
At this point I would do anything just for a phone call to hear that voice that has been missing from my life for too long. It will just have to do that I have the quiet time alone I felt I needed back then. Shaking my head in disbelief.
We, all more or less, feel guilty for taking part in our M breakdown. We are only human and at times we do things to protect ourselves. As my IC it takes two people to make a M works, so don't be so hard on yourself. We all make mistakes but we can learn from them. In our case I think we feel down because we think about what we thought we had, and what we could have done differently. Unfortunately we can't undo the past. We need to live in the present and enjoy each day. I know easier said than done. What do you like to do? Do you do any sports? Have you got any friends to go out with?
As my IC told me this is huge betrayal we are facing, and she added that we need to put the focus back on us. We cannot control what WAS does, only what our life. I humbly relate to how you feel, could it be we are hurt because we feel worthless as our spouse chose to go with someone else than us. My IC says it does tell a lot about them and their values than about us. I hope you'll have a better day today.
Rouky your words mean alot. My IC has mentioned it takes 2 and that I should be looking out for myself at this point because there is nothing to do towards WW. They must figure it out by themselves. I can put that in to my mind easily but I still feel guilty with where I was wrong and where I should have been more aware of the circumstances.
I have a few close friends. They are those that stayed as friends through my M since many were lost in the years W and I clung to eachother. I have been running each day and working out several times as week. Lately I have joined a few groups to keep myself active and meet new people. It has been a good time. It is when I go back home or when I drive around to places that the thoughts come in and do their work on my head.
I do feel better today though. A beautiful sunrise and a good walk around the neighborhood helped. I have to keep these feelings in front for the rest of my day. Thank you again!
I completely identify with you. When I'm with friends, at work or meeting new people I'm fine but once I'm on my own it's when everything kicks in, I still don't know how to deal with these feelings. I guess we have to take each day as it comes and be grateful for the smallest positive things!
