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Hey Wet. It's ok to want your M to work. To ask for it. Just be aware we don't always get what we "think" we want. In any event, we have to let go of those things and understand it wasn't what we needed at this point in time. That's part of the trust aspect of faith, my friend. Not always easy to know when to let go, but this seems like a good indication, no?

Peace,
AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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It's Friday, let's smile - to help here is a Friday Law/Court joke:

A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, “Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce.”

“Because,” the man says, ”I live in a two-story house.” The Judge replies, “What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-story house?"

The man answers, “Well Judge, one story is I have a headache and the other story is It’s that time of the month."


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
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Is this a Friday smile? You decide:

May your life be filled with lawyers.

-Mexican curse.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
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So how has this week been? Thinking of you. kat


Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
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Thanks Kat. I have taken some time off from the Board, as I deal with my anger and detachment.

How quickly things can change. No, not with my W. S14 texted me tonight asking for me to come pick him up from W (and om's) place. I immediately said I would come get, and I also asked him what was going on. All he said was that he couldn't take it anymore.

I texted W to make sure she knew I was picking up s14, and she texted back "thank you". So W was obviously happy to have me get s14 away from her.

When I picked up s14 he had his suitcase with him shocked. I followed s14's lead, he wasn't talking to me. I did ask him if he was ok, but he did not say anything. He kept pulling on a small piece of cloth between his fingers. When I asked him if had eaten dinner, he had not, and he finally started to perk up. He did tell me he wanted to stay with me for the week.

I have staid away from asking what happened. We will talk when he is ready.

I finally get to find out if I can handle getting up early, driving s14 to school (I live in a different city), and pick him up after school also. All without yelling (Lord help me - s14 is a very sound sleeper) and keeping this the safe, calm place for s14 to live.

Wish me luck.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
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You can do it. How lucky he is to have you :-)


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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Thank you LoisB for the encouragement. It went smoothly on the 1st morning today. His alarm on his phone went off and he slept thru it for 15 minutes before I tapped the bottom of his feet sticking thru the covers. He then got up and moved quickly. We got to his school 15 minutes early.

So I thought I would give a quick update on my dealings with W. Since she had om move in with her, I have no contact with her. The 1 time we dealt with each other was when she came up with the idea of bringing d18 and d19 who both live in Boston home for Christmas. W wanted me to pay half for the airfare - it turns out om offered to pay half as her Christmas present.

But it did not work out. D19 is now a manager at Starbucks and she took the Christmas shift. D18 is alone at school for the holidays and is understandably lonely her 1st Christmas away from the family. But she told my Mom that she doesn't want to be around om, but we will see.

I was with my family for Thanksgiving, including d21 and s14, and it was really nice seeing 22 family members and have them love on me, and to hear the updates in their lives. My nephew's 2 year old daughter stole the show and was completely adorable. W did not go to her family's Thanksgiving celebration. So I do not know what her and om did. That's all folks.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
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OK, I found out the reason why s14 called me to get him out of W's (and om) place Tuesday night, and why he came with his suit case. It turns out s14 was in his room with his headphones on, and om was cleaning and called out for help when he was lifting something. S14 did not hear him, om charged into s14's room and started yelling at s14 and using insulting and cursing language.

This is not surprising, as W's 1st comment about om was that "he drinks a lot, and he is angry", (which led me to refer to him as "drunk/angry guy"). He may be dealing with his alcohol problem now, but the anger issue is a hard one for anyone to deal with.

Things are going smoothly with s14 here at my place. Before when I had s14 after a week with his mom he would say over and over to me "do you want to fight?" Already yesterday he only said this once to me. He was able to bond last night with d21 as they staid up late just chatting.

I like having 2 of our 4 kids under my roof. It's more work, but it's worth it. smile


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
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I found myself rummaging through the forums tonight to find stuff on the crazy cycling that occurs during withdrawal. I am struggling deeply these days, and drowning as far as financial problems wrought by all this. But my search led me to your thread, and here I am to let you know that despite not lurking for so long, I am still praying for you and your W.

We are going through very similar things with our sons. And I am so thrilled that your story ends on this thread with yours moving in with you. My son has been so horrible to me so many times, it's because I am the safe one. It seems exactly the same for you, and I am so happy he knows you want him, you are the safe haven, you are a place of sanity in insanity. I have to keep standing for my son, too, and I am happy to report that the more I show him I am there for him even when he feels rage, the more he opens up to me. He started talking to me at night before bed like he used to, now he lets me hug him to sleep like he used to. Little step by step. I feel he knows I am there for him, and that is how we are getting through this.

I just want to say, since so many posts here refer to you moving on, that I don't see any of your current circumstances as the end of your M. You can lead your own GAL ways through all her descents into the pit, and find a certain joy, even if the marriage joy is incomplete. Are you not reading Charlyne Cares anymore? So many of those folks went through OM's and OW's and remarriages and so much worse even than you are facing, and in the end, their marriages were restored. It's all part of what is going to happen before the pendulum can swing back to you. Reading your posts without following all this time, it is so very very obvious that that OM relationship is not going to work out! Prayer does not hold you back from anything! Keep praying! That doesn't mean you can't set boundaries and lead your own life and forgive yourself for not being able to be a saint or to find the peace that surpasseth understanding. It's #$(*%&#(& HARD to stand!!! I still believe in your M and will keep praying for it even if you stop believing in it. I don't know why I feel drawn to your posts and why I feel drawn to include you two in my prayers for restoration, but I do. Hopefully one day, even as we GAL and go on our own journeys toward wholeness, etc., we can both post about restoration too.


With love in Christ,

Gerda

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A quick update. S14 has decided to move back with W. frown Everything was going great, and then he spent last Friday and Saturday with his friends including a sleepover. But b/c the friends were close to W's place, he spent some time with his mother. So she talked to him, and he changed his mind.

Now this was a complete reversal. When I talked to him last week, I asked him if he wanted to spend the weekend at W's place, and he strongly told me "no". I know a son's connection with a mother is strong, it is with me, so perhaps it is this and nothing more.

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Gerda, thank you so much for your post, and your encouragement. Yes, I continue to read the 'Charlene Cares' daily emails, and I go to a weekly Bible study (on Revelation and Thessalonians, which is hard to do). My prayers are mostly that I cannot deal with my W living with om and s14, and for the Lord to handle this. For the Lord's Will to be worked out in their lives (and mine too).

I am glad to hear of the progress your son is making with you (and your powerful prayers!) Thank you for being a great example for me of being an unshakeable rock standing for your marriage and your family. God bless you.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
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