So..towards peace and happiness..

[Pink17]

Hi Sotto,

It seems that you are enjoying life a bit more now and the detachment is getting more and more real these days.

I envy you in a good way, it sure must be a good feeling to look forward and see some hope.

Regarding the forgiveness, I agree with many others that it is a timing thing, very personal e that we may know when we are ready to take that step. I feel it is part of some closure inside of a person.

Letting go and forgiving, are genuine acts of freedom. Asking for forgiveness is the ultimate act of being free.

Regarding to the dating subject. I think that it is best to wait for when you feel really confident and out of the bad weather. But by other hand, dating a person with whom you can be honest about your situation right now, won't hurt anyone.

I feel that before we formally date someone, it is also healthy to get to know each other. So dating depends of how far you want to go in that moment. It is up to you I guess.

Some dates will be just to have a good time and enjoy someone's companion. Maybe to just give a chance to know another person. People keep saying to me that I would be surprised how much I can actually enjoy someone else.

So, just something to think about. You are doing great Sotto, this is a very difficult time for you. As much as we want to face it with dignity, it is in our heart that we feel the pain.

Hope you are having a lovely day honey.
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[Sotto]

Thanks guys, TBH I just keep letting the feelings come and go. I notice them, but I don't act on the basis of them. I notice that one day I feel hopeful about our sitch, then another I'm ready to move on, then another I can't imagine us together again, then another I feel tender towards H and so on. I just go with it and try not to let the feelings either way lead me. I try and trust in the DB process TBH.

I've been busy lately and will be (work and social stuff) pretty much right up until Xmas. My social life has taken on a life of it's own and it is nice to get regular invites to do things. It's last week of divorce recovery workshop next week. I have found that helpful and would recommend it to anyone considering it. The key messages are certainly congruent with DB principles. However, it is very much about moving on from the D and 'closing the door' so I'm trying to take the bits that are helpful and leave some that don't fit so well.

Well, what can I say about my sitch? Very little really. NC from H and I haven't contacted him. The D process is stalled pending further financial info from him. I haven't chased that, he hasn't updated me. A friend of mine is going through a D and hers seems to be rocketing along. I'm not complaining. It would suit me to settle things financially, but I'm not going to prod and poke the D process in order to achieve that. I may at some point in the future but not just now.

I feel my updates must be a little dull to read. Same old, same old. No movement...nothing to see here. I know I'm moving forward and I'm making progress though, so I guess that's the main thing and the part I have control over.

Thanks for reading and take care all xx

[HaWho]

Hi Sotto - I enjoy hearing all of your updates! The feelings you describe capture so much of what I feel, too.

You are a role model in so many ways and your GAL ability is inspiring.

[mleigh4]

Sotto, I too enjoy your updates. You are a great example of staying strong and moving forward!

I so know the feeling of the ever changing emotions towards H. Mine change from day to day the same as yours. That tells me I am still processing, still changing and hopefully growing. I figure, I must still be healing and working through things.

Keep going Sotto, sounds like you are doing all the right things for you.

[Butterc]

Ditto, Sotto, what mleigh said about ever changing emotions. Thanks to you both.

[Pink17]

^^^^^^ Agreed with the above.

Sweet Soto, it's never dull to read your posts since they are teaching us that it is not necessary to stay stuck in a hole because our S left.

You are not portraying that life is fantastic and you just decide to move on and is achieving your goals every day. You are very honest saying that there is still a very hard work processing all your emotions and feelings.

But you are respecting yourself, your values and believes. You are becoming a better person then you were, more aware of many different aspects of a R. You are giving yourself a chance to explore some joy, meeting other people and not for the main purpose of a new R, but just people in general.

You work hard and is having success in your job, you are being recognized on your hard work.

It may be dull because your H is still very stubborn and we don't know if he will ever look for some help to get his life in balance. But you as a unique person, is a fantastic example for us all.

It's good to know that we are not getting stuck and bitter forever, that even without a guy beside us, we can be successful and have fun.

And most important, the we can achieve our goals even when dueling so much pain.

You are indeed our hero. It's like a lighthouse for us.

We love you always,
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[rd500]

Hi Sotto. Dull , falconry , ghost hunting to name just a few. I read just to get an idea of what a life should look like.

Your a kind , compassionate , intelligent , insightful , caring person and to be a tiny part of your life is something i for one am grateful for.

Your strength and efforts to move forward arre a lesson to us all Your wear your heart on your sleeve and are open to all. When we get to the dating part of your new book ( not so much written as being lived ). I will expect daily if not hourly updates

Take care Rd xx

[Sotto]

Oh bless you all - I'm glad not to be boring anyone!! I have been pushing myself this week and am tired this morning, so I'm lurking in bed with the ipad after a late night. I'm helping out at the bookstore later on, and will see my parents this weekend. But other than that, it will be a quiet weekend before another busy week next week.

I had a great night out with a friend last night. We went to a dinner with a tribute band playing. You had your starter, then they did their first set. Then you had dinner and they did their second set. It was great - everyone up dancing and singing along. By the end of the night my legs and arms were aching and I was hoarse from singing.

Life is going to be busy with pre-Xmas events in the coming week. Monday is Xmas meal with bookstore chums, Divorce group Tuesday and Yoga Wednesday. Friday is work Xmas meal. Day out with a friend on Sat, and seeing a live band that evening (but popping into a birthday party between those.) Gosh! My policy of 'accepting all invites' has paid off for sure. I just need to make sure I get a little R&R time too.

I had a look at my work calendar and plan to take a few days off over the Xmas period to give me a quieter couple of weeks. Looking forward to that. I do feel I've been on the road quite a bit lately with work commitments. I saw nice guy at work yesterday - only exchanged a few words, but did get a lovely smile and a wink from him, which was nice

I always appreciate the wise advice on this forum. I recall joining and reading many impassioned posts about how the forum was truly a lifesaver. And I do believe that is true. I read a post by AJM this morning. What he says often resonates with me and today he posted about the imperative to - live a good life and be a good person - these are the areas to focus on, and I am trying to do that.

Have a lovely weekend all, and enjoy some pre-xmas treats and activities xx

[peacetoday]

Sotto

Sounds like you are creating a new life for yourself


Hope you have a peaceful, fun weekend!

[bttrfly]

Late to the party as usual! Hi Sotto. I like many have already posted, love to read your updates. You give me hope to move forward in my GAL activities when truthfully I would rather just cocoon up.

Regarding forgiveness, and with apologies for the late response, are you familiar with the process of Ho'oponopono? from Wikipedia: "Hoʻoponopono" is defined in the Hawaiian Dictionary[11] as "mental cleansing: family conferences in which relationships were set right through prayer, discussion, confession, repentance, and mutual restitution and forgiveness."

Basically you say to each other, "I love you, I"m sorry, I forgive you and Thank you for the lessons."

Actually my H and I have consistently done this since the beginning. Not sure yet if it's helped at all for him, but I certainly am able to hold him in a place of compassion most days. Anger and resentment are poisons. No one needs that in their lives, but forgiveness does take time. Even contemplating the concept of forgiveness is more than many will do.

It's good to catch up on your thread. Wishing you a season filled with much love and joy and a bit of time for yourself too. xoxoxo