So..towards peace and happiness..

[job]

Sotto,
You will have moments of sadness even after the divorce...it's only natural to have them. I'm sorry you are having those moments, but in time, they will lesson.

You've been an inspiration here and you are determined to move forward and have been doing wonderfully. Maybe, in time, you'll decide to get another fur baby to live w/you. They help us in so many ways and a fur baby would be there to greet you in the morning and when you walk thru the door in the evening. Just food for thought.

I hope that you feel better soon.

[Sotto]

Thank you Bttrfly and Job - I appreciate you stopping by. It's great that you see me as pressing forward. Sometimes I feel so positive - others I struggle, but I guess it's always going to be that way.

Job, your comments about a fur baby are interesting. I have been thinking about that. It's not something I'll do just yet, while I'm renting - but my Dad is potentially interested in us 'sharing' a little dog - and I think that might be a really good thing. I don't think I could manage to have a dog full time with travelling to work etc, but with Dad in the mix to walk & sometimes have puppy to stay, it becomes more possible...we'll see..

I made it back into work today and was a bit croaky and coughy - working again tomorrow, then out for the evening with the divorce group - should be nice. All peaceful on the H front, but I expect us to be having settlement discussions any time soon - and presumably the decree Nisi has now been issued (not heard from L yet.) Reached out to a few friends and have a few plans in place in coming weeks. All fine really.

I'm re-reading Brene Brown too - I love Brene!! Discovering her is definitely one of the upsides of my sitch. Today at work I was saying to myself - what would Brene do here??

Take care my online buddies xx

[Butterc]

I just wanted to second what job said. I have found you inspirational. I'm very grateful.

PS like Brene Brown too. My DB coach recommended her.

[Sotto]

Thanks so much! Hey, I just realised the edit button came back - yay!! It has been on an adventure maybe??

Well, I'm still rather croaky and creaky, but slowly recovering. I had a busy start to the week, which set me back. Today I received the Decree Nisi from the court. I was okay, but it was a bit of a stinger to read that the judge deemed my behaviour has been such that our M has irretrievably broken down and H couldn't reasonably be expected to continue in the M - ouch...in all circumstances! But, as they say, the bar for unreasonable behaviour is low and that's just a court letter. Plus, I decided not to file, so this is the consequence, and this is better then me having ended the M. It would have been nicer to D on a no-fault basis, but H was unwilling to wait....oh well. I feel balanced and rational about it all anyway.

I went out with my D support group on Tues & had a nice time. One of the girls had been through a DREADFUL time with her STBX since Xmas. I won't post details, but it made my H (and many others here) look terribly decent. I tell you, it could be a lot worse, and for that I am grateful. Got myself onto a mailing list for a regular walking group (new GAL!) and also got invited out for drinks in a couple of weeks. Various outings with friends at the weekend, so pretty busy and nice - I just need to get fully recovered from this bug & firing on all cylinders.

It will be six weeks until H can finalise our D, but I think we need financials all agreed before then. No word from the L on that as yet.

Hope everyone is having a good week xx

[job]

I hope you are feeling better soon. Sounds like that bug has got you down just a bit.

As for the letter, don't let it get you down. They have to come up w/something to explain away why the divorce is taking place. They want us to look like the bad guys even when we aren't the ones that are acting off kilter.

I'm sorry to hear that one of the ladies in your "D" group is having a very difficult time. Share the knowledge that you've gained here w/her. She really needs a friend right now and hopefully things will settle down for her soon.

Please take care of yourself. BTW, I think a puppy is a splendid idea and one that you and your dad both can enjoy. Any thoughts on what type you might get?

[mleigh4]

Hope you feel better soon Sotto. My fur babies have been a huge HUGE help for me during this experience. The unconditional love you get is amazing, plus helps to keep me busy, and my dog motivates me to walk and exercise. My house would feel empty without them....

I think it's a great idea

[Irish M]

Hi Sotto
Hope you are feeling better. not fun feeling under the weather it can bring you down.

I too am in late stages of D. I should be at my final mediation next week if W doesn't cancel again. I feel like its a stepping stone for me. I know W wants to be free and maybe it will be the D that will finally release her to continue her journey. I feel its holding her back like she had a tie to me still and i cant drop the rope. Maybe it will wake up now that all the things she thought were painful to her in her head are gone... and her pain is still there.

D is just a paper. It hurts i know. It will probably hurt like crazy when mine is final too. Like so many here say.. this relationship is over anyway.. a new one is going to start and I hope its with my W. if its not well i protected myself, my dignity and my Daughters.

stay strong :-) you have many here thinking of you

Irish

[Pink17]

Hello Sweetie,

Hope you are feeling better by today. It's not only a bug that is letting you down. Emotions take a very big toll on our system and make us very week. So a little bug becomes a huge dinosaur since we are weak to fight.

Sotto I don't really know what to say besides the simple take one day at a time. The reality is that there is no other way around it, we need to feel it all and it hurts a lot.

But, interesting enough there is also a sense of freedom that we start seeing again. It is not right away, but slowly you start thinking if it is not even better then being in the boring R we were before.

This journey is not yet done. There are many things about your R that will start coming back to you. For me, being on a hope mode made somewhat blind for many bad memories in my M, then once D, I had this enormous sadness (what still comes and goes), but also the memory of many times when I just want to walk away from him because he was the worse jerk in the world.

I believe you need to take good care after yourself, rely on friends, family and this board and let all your emotions talk for itself. It won't be easy now, but it gets better.

We are indeed the most important person for ourselves, and there is a lot to live for, lots of adventures and new discoveries that will come just because you are in a new path.

Like many others here, I also need to say that you have been a great inspiration for me and I truly appreciate it all.

Take care Sotto, much love for you! XOXOXO

Pink

[bttrfly]

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

(and more soup)

xoxoxoxo

[Sotto]

Thanks so much to you all for your good wishes. I am pretty much all better now. Still have a bit of a cough, but basically well again. Just had a couple of busy days away at work, and a very social weekend, which was nice.

H contacted me over the weekend and we exchanged a few emails about ending non-essential direct debits for our marital home. It's a bit weird as the two things he emailed about are both in my name. But it was clear he'd tried to 'end' them himself without success and got quite frustrated. I have said to him many times - just let me know if I can help with anything - but I think contacting me to do things may be a bit of a last resort for him. Anyway, I sorted the two things out and let him know - no response from him to that. He is going to list the house with a further agent this week.

I feel in a funny sort of place at the moment. As though there is really nothing to hang on to. I feel any sort of future with H hangs by a couple of slender threads, which are pulling and tearing as we get closer to D. I partly wonder - was there anything more I could have done? Could do? I partly still feel some love. I partly just feel bleugh towards him, and I partly dread and partly look forward to the D being finalised. I still know that if there were any sort of turn in our sitch, I would still be pleased, so I clearly can't be all done. But, I also feel I am starting to struggle to hold the door open a little. Maybe I am still confused. Although I can visualise a nice life without him, and I can look forward to possibly dating at some point in the future.

I wonder at this point whether there is merit in doing anything, or should I just sit back as I have done and let the D happen. I wonder if I should have fought a little more against it - but would that just have made it more awful for us both. I truly felt he was like a caged animal, trying to get out of the M - and truly, I don't think I'm all that bad really!!

This may all sound a bit negative, but I'm doing okay really. Just posting the jumble that goes around in my mind. If anyone does feel there is anything I might consider at this late stage, please post and let me know.

Otherwise, I'll continue as I am, get through it and then work on getting over it. I truly feel there is little hope at all for our M - but I am pretty hopeful for myself, so that's a good thing I guess.

Take care all xx