We have gotten some much needed rain, all at once it seems, but we needed it.
S6 is now S7! Have a gift to give him, so I will see him tonight.
I am feeling much better inside my own head lately.
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Detachment: I am not constantly obsessing anymore
I am starting to look forward to my life without W if it comes to that
I have found a piece of land that I can build on... on a small lake with a woods behind it
I have been vehicle shopping, and if it does become final I will buy a decent truck with part of the settlement, then start on the house
I am able to sit in the rental now, and not go nuts. A month ago, you would only see me there with the boys or if I was sleeping
I feel that I am coming to grips with the fact that W may never get back to her old self, even though she is starting to act that way
There will be a talk soon. Probably won't go the way that I want, but I hate limbo. I hate that u can't answer my boys when they ask me questions. I hate that my W can carry on our life, while I am scraping by. I would love to know if we are ready to start working on us, or start our seperate lives so that all 5 of us can begin to heal.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
I feel that I am coming to grips with the fact that W may never get back to her old self, even though she is starting to act that way
I am having that feeling, too. I think in a way, all of us could say the same thing. The same could be said about the old marriage. It took me a long time to realize that my old marriage is dead and gone - that doesn't mean that things are over, but that a newer and stronger marriage can come out of it. It's just that people - and marriages - grow and change over time. The old W - as with you - isn't the same person you dated and married...she changed and grew over time, just like you have. What I am trying to say, is try not to expect things to go back to the way they were...if things work out, it will be new and different and better - and thats an exciting thing!
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I would love to know if we are ready to start working on us, or start our seperate lives so that all 5 of us can begin to heal.
That is a very common question I think all of ask over and over. I don't have an answer for that. Some will say continue with the DB techniques while others say test the waters. That one is completely up to you as you are the only one who knows your W.
This week I finally got tired of the egg shells and when she made the statement of "we have been working on us since (the BD) and haven't gotten anywhere." It was the same worn line she has used time and again. So I finally just said: "Have we really been working on us? Have you been open to trying? Have you allowed me to kiss or touch you? Working on and fixing us is being committed to doing just that and saving the marriage, and so far I don't feel like that has happened (I tried to avoid finger pointing and all) yet." She didn't answer nor do I suspect she will. I may have dug the grave then, but you know what? I said it. And I am fine because I hate those freaking egg shells!
Keep your head up!! You are doing great and in a better place than I am!
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Today at kid swap, W was talking about work and how poorly it was going for her. Complaining about her boss, and how little he cared about anything. She asked me if I needed anything, which was new. Had their lunches fixed, which I usually do when I have them. Kids jumped.in my car, and she and I talked for about 15 minutes while the boys played games. She went out and gave them all a hug, and shut the car door. Then she turned to me and started to over towards me like she was going to give me a hug or kiss. That hasn't happened in nearly 6 months! I am very hopeful! Trying to keep expectations low. It's going to be tough though.
And, just today I had decided that I going to initiate an r talk by December 1. I feel that I need that to know how to proceed with everything.
Last edited by dday; 11/20/1502:03 AM.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
I just had a 5 minute encounter with W at preschool. I was dropping off the backpack that s4 had forgot, and she is helping the class today. She had a huge grin on her face. We talked for a bit about the boys. I noticed that she had a work shirt on, and she said she was going in for a bit to try and catch up. Then she told me that she will bring s4 to me after school.
Ok, do I continue to go with the flow a bit longer, or put myself out there. I really want to ask her to go get lunch or something. I don't know if she is afraid to initiate, or wanting me to show some self confidence. I am prepared for her to turn me down. I'm more prepared to start life without her if need be. I can't keep living in this in between zone, but I don't want to blow anything that is building either.
Thoughts?
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Ok, do I continue to go with the flow a bit longer, or put myself out there. I really want to ask her to go get lunch or something. I don't know if she is afraid to initiate, or wanting me to show some self confidence. I am prepared for her to turn me down. I'm more prepared to start life without her if need be. I can't keep living in this in between zone, but I don't want to blow anything that is building either.
You will never hurt anything by going too slow. If you think what you are doing is working, then why change it?
I see some positive things in your sitch happening right now.
The squirrel (your w) is starting to trust you and eat out of your palm. Is it the right time to grab the squirrel?
I know that patience is a tough one. That was so hard for me too.
If you feel confident that you will get a favorable response, then maybe ask to meet for a coffee. But don't show all your cards. Don't even bring up reconciliation. Just go and have a good time chatting with no mention of the relationship.
The timetable you have set regarding the holidays could be a big backslide IMO.
In my opinion, this is a bad reason to do anything.
But it seems like you are not going to quit until you try to do SOMETHING. So, Id say go for it. Get it out of your system. It could work....or it could set you back to square one. It's kind of up to you where you want it to go.
I hope youve been reading Uphill's threads - he got all kinds of good signs from his XF, thought things were headed one way, and then, bust.
