I'm dying with this Kevin Bacon talk. Yall are killing me! Had to put my drink down after reading that!
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And of course I've wondered about a few of you guys on this board, All of the male posters here are very handsome in my mind and have a tendency to post shirtless and dripping wet from the shower, or possibly a rainstorm. Am I close?
Will play along because you always lighten things for me. No Kevin Bacon for me,either. Southern boy raised as a gentleman (I know, old fashioned...). Keep myself in above average shape and just over 6'. Ok, Why am I saying this?
Last edited by Spiff69; 11/19/1508:56 PM.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
LOL, I love you guys! I could describe myself any way I wanted to and you'd have no way of knowing if I was lying! I have the "girl next door" look. I think I might be a flirt but I've been with H for so long and he doesn't flirt at all so I don't really know. I take pretty good care of myself but could do a little better.
Your MIL has run roughshod over everyone in her sphere of influence. I'm guessing that your FIL is a victim of Stockholm syndrome.
"Stockholm syndrome, or capture-bonding, is a psychological phenomenon in which hostages express empathy and sympathy and have positive feelings toward their captors, sometimes to the point of defending and identifying with the captors."
Don't drink the koolaid pho. She probably dominates all the men in her life. My money's on you but work smart not hard. I look like Kevin Bacon's brother, Crispy Bacon
M, I love crispy bacon! I actually draw a blank when I try to picture you. I do picture you as being dark haired but that's all I got.
And yes, MIL's treatment of FIL is terrible. Up until a few years ago they fought all of the time, still fight a LOT. It gets very uncomfortable to be around them because of the fighting, always telling each other to "f off" and "shut the F up". She will tell him "buy me x" and then he comes home with X and she will say to her friends or other family members "Look at what he bought, why the F would he buy X? I don't know what he is thinking." Picture this type of example time and time again. It is crazy making.
Anytime over the years if I said anything to H about MIL, he would say "Be glad you aren't my dad, he has it the worst." H used to also tell me that FIL has considered leaving MIL a few times over the years because of this treatment. And that many of their "couples" friends have told him over the years that they have a hard time with MIL, but want to stay friends because of FIL. Ironic how that has been forgotten. I don't even care. I don't want H to hate his parents, I don't want FIL to hate MIL, I don't even "hate" any of them, I just want off this roller coaster. I just want them out of my marriage.
"I actually draw a blank when I try to picture you". Hah, me too! I wake up some mornings, look in the mirror and think who are you and how did you get here.
My hair is straight and brown but the gray is winning the war. I swam butterfly in high school & college. My friends wanted me to play football but I did not see the point. The boys team practiced with the girls team and I liked girls in swim suits. This brings back memories of a young me. I was authentic then, what happened to me. I'm in good shape just emotional beaten down. I'll fix that in the next two years.
I didn't drink last night, H was not drinking and this is the first night in at least a year I can remember that he wasn't drinking, so I decided not to be a bad influence. Had an ok night. Woke up this morning with a very bad realization. The part of H's talk that I validated, the part that upset me, but I just listened to. Well, its a bad one. I am hoping that this is just the "ice breaker" to this topic and with love and patience and therapy we can overcome it, but the way it is now it would be a deal breaker for me.
Basically he said that he doesn't believe me or my version of events, thinks I am lying. About his parents. For the last 10 months he has barely said a word to me and has been taking in long rants and rambling conversations about me from his parents.
So is this him doubting my perspective, and asking me to be more clear, or less emotional in our discussions so that he "trusts" what I am saying better, or is this his parents have finally gotten to him and have convinced him that I have been wrong about every disagreement we've had over the last 20 years? I have overheard some of their conversations so that is what I am afraid of. His mother will say one thing to my face and then literally one minute later deny it and this has been going on forever. It is a mix of stupid things and very hurtful things.
I cannot stay with someone who thinks I am lying. And I don't want to rehash all of the arguments to "prove" my point. I just want to be trusted, and I do truly want to, and have, let go of all of the "small" things- even things that aren't so small- for the sake of family unity, but I can not continue to be abused and have H believe that I am lying about it. I can not be "in love" with someone who thinks I am lying (for what reason would I lie?) He is accusing me of doing what his mother is actually doing. I believe its because I stopped engaging in any of it with her, my silence is being taken for guilt. Or rather, her continued attacks against me have gone undefended and he "finally sees the truth" because I stopped talking. But I purposely decided to take myself out of the middle of it to stop the cycle. I was taking the high road. But now I am the guilty one.
OK, deep breaths. This was just the ice breaker to the topic. We will get to a better place. Right? The
He is projecting.
Just say " that's interesting, a lot to take in and consider. Give me space to think on it. I am a little muddled about it and I know that's not what you want." Detatch, the more his view twists the more emotional you will get.
Fog.
MIL isn't going away no matter how much you would like that. She will come at you from her ghostly state. Lead or move to Siberia.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 11/20/1501:27 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Mutatio, I'll make sure I wear a swim suit when I post to you! LOL- see I am a flirt. My H does not flirt at all. Not with me anyway. I sometimes wonder who I am too. I do not feel like I am the authentic me. I blame motherhood as much as I blame my marital issues. My daughter has really worn me out. My husband is trying to finish the job. My friends think I am funny and we joke a lot. H thinks I have no sense of humor and my jokes are met with silence and quizzical looks. We are on different wavelengths.
When I was younger I could get any guy I wanted, and quite a few I didn't. But I had no confidence. I had no direction, no dreams, just went with the flow. And except for the last year, I really can't complain, things were ok. Now, older, I am a little worse for the wear, but a lot stronger and more confident. But still, I don't know who I'd be if it weren't for my H and my children. I am working on figuring that out.
I made a "bucket list" and was surprised to see how much traveling I would like to do. I haven't been able to with my children, mostly my daughter, she does not travel well. Even a 30 minute car ride is not do-able much of the time. I want to travel- there are so many countries I'd like to see, and I'd like to travel the US and see and photograph as many National Parks as I can. I want to have a lot more music in my life- watching concerts, playing guitar, singing. Not well, not performing, but just having fun. I'd like to take my photography hobby to a whole new level. I'd like to go on a mission trip and help children in South America. All of these surprised me, I haven't thought about my life and what I want. I'd like to get remarried on a beach on a tropical island. To my H, but if not him, I'd like to find love again.
Most of my bucket list has to wait until my children are older, but I am working on a shorter term bucket list, things that I can do with kids underfoot. Guitar lessons, dance lessons, voice lessons, opportunities to grow my photography, some smaller trips I can do with my children. I feel like I am slowly finding my authentic self. She's in there somewhere.
I truly am Marilyn Monroe like! Sadly not Julia Roberts!
When I was younger I was described as very beautiful and in my youth I did catalogue modelling because I was so petite, no longer.
Curvy and very blonde, I describe myself as more moonlight than sunkist. My origins are Celtic and Norwegian, I am as shimmery as can be without being albino.
Actually my naked pics are like Marilyn's, well at least the pose. Have them done every 5 years.....
The big house is more orchard than animal farm. Lots of apple and pear trees, the gate to Avalon, with plums, rose and a wild butterfly garden. Paths and shrubs.
It is very gorgeous but hard work. Wisteria for summer, holly for Autumn and poppies. A large garden room and gym. Not very glamorous, just very English garden. Slightly tired, gentile.
Quiet, full of robins, and we have bats ( other tha me), small fruit bats that nest in the orchard. We have a barn owl and a small set of badgers that grub the garden.
I have a hedgehog too, he comes to the back door. Frogs in the pond, they sing.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 11/20/1503:42 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
