in house S (4)

[vise82]

Hey,

I picked up kids from school and W was home. MIL is sending over premade casseroles and left overs so W is using that and not cooking.

I am smothering my kids as S4 told me to stop hugging him so much. I think I am over compensating for what the kids have in store for them if D happens.

W is now looking to move out of the city closer to her parents. This is a change from before when she wanted to stay here and close to the kids school and their friends. Just another thinking of herself attitude. But we are far from that point of selling so why is she looking? I don't know if I should be looking.

She has been keeping information from me regarding the mortgage that her parent hold, I have been asking for weeks now and she has excuse after excuses. I have told her I need it to apply for a loan to pay of debt that is in my name, I am trying to get things in order for me to get a place of my own if it comes to that.

I think with the work she was asking me to do I am just going to leave it alone, pick my battles, this is not worth fighting over. If she does the same in the future I will handle it then.

[vise82]

Hey

W emailed me today.

I don't know how to respond as always. In the past advise was to do nothing, not respond.

I have a GAL activity with the kids tonight, and W says she is going to come along, no asking just she thinks she will come with us.

then she is asking me if she can go to a party that her best friend is throwing for her work friend. That is right she is asking me if she can go. She knows that I am taking the kids to another event that night too.

I guess this is the start of the party stage of a WW.

Then the third thing is she just reminding me about her taking the kids to her brothers on the weekend.

So do I respond, I don't want her to go to a party, I want her here with her family and kids??

[otw]

i dont think you can respond that you dont want her going to the party. I would maybe respond more along the lines of stating what you and the kids are doing that night.
be very concious of how you come off to her when telling her this. No guilt, anger, but act as if you dont care.

regarding her inviting herself to the other activity, whatever, that is fine. immerse yourself into the kids.

[sandi2]

then she is asking me if she can go to a party that her best friend is throwing for her work friend. That is right she is asking me if she can go. She knows that I am taking the kids to another event that night too.

Does she normally ask your permission to go to a party? Frankly, it sounds like a WW setup to me. Don't tell her a thing. Number one, if she knows you and kids will be gone......and she is a grown woman, why would she ask? Based on other people's history, she is up to no good. There have been other WW's who claim to have drank too much and pass out on the friend's couch, thereby, having to spend the night. When in reality, the WW and OM would be spending the night together. It's when the WW suddenly asks you if you care if they do something, that your antenna needs to go up.

No, do not tell her you want her home with the family.

[vise82]

Hey OTW,

I think your right. I will respond thanking her for letting me know and what I am doing with the kids that night.

When I look back and see how bad my W treated me, I think she was trying to get me to cheat on her, or want to leave the MR. When she talked about taking a break, she was trying to put words in my mouth that I was unhappy and wanted to end the MR just like her. That we should just do it fast and nice because this is what we both want. That we will still be friends and live close to each other ready to help and be there for each other.

Oh how it has not gone that way she planned. I guess she did not treat me as bad as she thought. That she did not break me. But the time she put into it, the effort to not be close to me, the energy to resent me. If she put all that into just working on her own happiness and communicating with me her true feelings, and if I was open to see the big picture, we would be in a different place right now.

I cant believe I am on this path. Having gone through my W EA, now to be faced with who know what's next.

One day at a time.

[vise82]

Hey Sandi,

I was very suspicious too, why ask? Because this is new territory for her, the most she has gone out in the past is to the gay neighbor to drink wine. And she asked to do that too.

I am not going to respond, If I do then its like giving her permission to party. Maybe that's how she rationalizes it, I said it was ok for her to go out, and what else she does when she is out.

She is on the prowl, she is needing touch, attention, a hug, interaction. How do I know thins because I have the same needs, but its been longer for me because she had some of her need met with her EA.

My story has gotten to the part where I get to watch her dress up to go out to look for OM. I read about it months ago on other threads , now its my turn for the pain.

[otw]

Vise
When my W first was telling me everything she kept trying to say she isn't what I want and can't be happy with her. She was trying to shift blame.

And yes the watching her get ready was miserable. I started making sure I was never around.

[OhGreat]

When she asked about going to drink wine with the gay neighbor-what did you respond? How did you say it?

[mutatio]

Don't say anything. If you don't she wonders what your thinking. Let her go a few laps around in her own head and let her see how it feels. Appearing uninterested with her social life can't hurt. Be strong vise

[vise82]

Hey Ohgreat,

When she would ask to go drink wine I would say Really? and just don't be long, and don't stay there forever, don't give him your best and leave the rest to me (MC words on it)

Heard her on the phone talking how she is so out of practice and that she has been with me since she was 19. I assume she was talking to her friend about the party. This is the first that I have heard this stuff out of her mouth. She was up stairs and I was on the first floor with the kids.

W went to the kids event with me but she watch one kid and I the other, Its so different now its like we are strangers. She wont talk to me. She let me drive but managed to criticise my driving.

I just replied that I received the email. I didn't respond to her going to the party.

I have been pondering why I am wearing my wedding ring