The Next Day...

[mahhhty]

I know this is a big ask, a love letter to Mahhty.

Once this is completed then I have more to come.

Hugs

V

This is fairly difficult. I've started multiple times, but come up empty repeatedly. Time to try try again.

[Vanilla]

Another love letter

Zelda love letter to Zelda


And yes it is much more releasing than it seems, truly this will change your life. You have your attributes just start writing. let your spirit flow through you, it will once you begin, I offer you my strength of spirit to be imperfect and to love that in yourself. Let go. No trying, just doing.

V

[Georgia Bulldogs]

Hey Mahhty,

The reason you had to read and reread that post numerous times is because it's gobble goop dressed up in pretty language. It really doesn't say much but it sounds like it does.

I've always felt a kinship with you and I, too, would be hard pressed to write myself a love letter. I'd appreciate the effort someone was trying to put forth into my emotional health but I was never one that would have 12 stepped my divorce process.

No offense, that stuff might be great for a women or arts and crafts Tony Romo....but I'd much rather go kayaking.


Sorry about finding out about OM. I never wanted to be right last winter when I was fighting hard to get my posts through to you encouraging you to snoop and get the facts about your life (NOT continual snoop forever which is against DB). I just strongly feel that it's a band aid that needed/needs to be ripped off eventually and the sooner the better (see how much clarity the truth is giving you now???). She had ALL the classic signs and even her email admonishing you was consistent with being a wayward wife. You perfectly blindsided her and essentially got her to admit something she NEVER wants anyone to know about her new Mr. Perfect (especially your children one day). Her best defense is a good offense so she contextualizes a mock defense whereby she can say she admitted nothing and you harassed her. She'll project the banner of liar upon you. This is problem number 2 with not getting the truth a year ago. She can continue to lie about your life to the children and expose your children on a daily basis to her co-conspirator in the destruction of their family. If you try to ever tell the kids the truth (and I certainly think you should)...she will deny it because she can (just because she can deny it doesn't mean you shouldn't tell it....the truth is what it is and your children will come to realize which parent will and which parent won't speak the truth to them - never lie to your kids to protect her).

Who is he....a "friend" from work? What makes you suspect it occurred prior to the divorce? If they knew each other and spent any time together THAT is your confirmation. Further, if she was truly not wayward prior to the divorce she'd do everything in her power to assure you that it wasn't so and give you an alternative explanation. You are the father of her children. If the truth was she didn't cheat...I'd expect a lot more sympathy. Instead....she sends a scathing accusatory email to you trying to characterize your conversation with her as abusive. Liars lie. She's just covering her basis (and protecting her OM). Personally, I'd casually go public with your knowledge....act like it's a well known fact and has been for a year (you just kept quiet about it because you hoped to reconcile - but not now - so protecting her secret isn't your priority).

Good luck with the business.

[Vanilla]

This artsy craftsy female V backs out of this.

How unpleasant and aggressive and attacking.

I find your attitude towards my posts very unnecessary. If this is how you approach the way the gentler of us live then I am sad for you.

Your attitude and stance reminds me of my WH.

Very much of him. Abusive.

V

[Georgia Bulldogs]

Great shift and healing. Tumbling on tumbling. No disconnect to the higher spirit around you. Great abundance comes with connection toon to self. Deepak Choprange has seven laws to spirit. Onice connection is made to the National Grid of higher power there is glow.

V,

Above is a perfect example of goodly gook. The "National Grid of higher Power" and "great abundance comes with connection to self". It's just words on a screen to us "lower spirits". You also even threw in a "Dobson letter" reference which has nothing to do with Divorce Busting - the relevant author on this discussion forum.

I am very sorry your husband was abusive.

I am not.

What I am is much more pragmatic.

I also find what I classify as high brow postings passive aggressive and not "gentle" at all.

I have seen many (usually male BH's like Maahty) get caught up running in circles trying to figure out what mystical "higher spirit" long posts like yours mean and exactly what they are supposed to do with it. I merely expressed the viewpoint to Mahhty that I thought writing himself a "love letter" was waste of time and he should disregard the non-DB exercise and, instead, go kayaking. That was and is still my advice to Mahhty. If you think he should disregard my post...then share your opinion of it. Mahhty can take what he wants and leave the rest. Characterizing me, based upon my opinion, as abusive is just your defensiveness speaking or, should I say, your inner higher self tumbling upon tumbling.

I was serious when I said "no offense". Don't take any........as I mean only to help Mahhty.....just like you. Between my pragmatism and your "higher spirit" combined we're are sure to hit the right spot. In fact, Jguy is a betrayed husband that I ascertained this afternoon is a guy I can't help at all because he posted a link to a mysticism article about love, eros and whatever. He seems like a nice enough guy but I'm not going to ever connect with him. I am not being sarcastic when I say he'd likely find your posts, um, elucidating.

[JulieH]

As somewhat of a newbie, one of the things that drew me to this website was the amount of comradeship and support that we all offered each other.

The majority of us are going about our daily lives, dealing with continuous stress and conflict. Serious legal battles involving children and property. Most of us have already been greatly humiliated, rejected, and betrayed. Many of us have been abused, gas lighted, and are on plenty of anti depressants, and I have read of some who admit to having been suicidal.

What I'm trying to say, is that there really is no need to add conflict to a posters life by insulting the way someone offers advise. We are all trying to help in our own way and we are all having a hard enough time as it is. If someone made fun of my postings I would feel embarrassed and would be reluctant to post freely.

Georgia Bulldogs, your advice is so good that it stands alone. It is honest and different, and Very straight forward. Advise that many of us need. There is no need to put down another's advice or way of expressions for your advise to stand out. Vanilla has great advise too. Some like the writing of Toni Morrison, others like Cormac Mccarthy. Most appreciate both, despite how different.

As someone who was raised without any type of religion or spirituality when someone says something to me like "Jesus loves you" I know they are saying it from a good place and acknowledge the Christian Religion's emphasis on family values. But imagine if I said that a comment like that was goodly gook? Even if I was thinking it? Maybe in some situations and on some boards, but not one like this.

Just my 2 cents. I want everyone to feel like there input is important even if it's different

[gonegrl]

Getting back to Mahhhty, how are you doing Mahhty? Anything new? How are you dealing with things today? How are your children?

[mahhhty]

GB, I agree with Julie your advise is spot on and appreciated. What isn't is the condescending tone.

Writing a letter to myself is something that I find very very difficult. And it is soo far outside my comfort zone or something I would normally do, that I want to do it just for that reason.

I have no proof that she was with anyone until maybe March or June. However, we had these conversations many times, it could have been her wanting too or just a kiss or sex. I have no idea. But I'm sure she was involved in something. June was the newspaper on the back seat. March was another pic on social media. On Jan 15 she denied having the kids to have her birthday alone. The OM could definitely have been there. There is no doubt in my mind that she manipulated everyone involved to get what she wanted.

I've been really busy with the startup. Had a great weekend demo'ing the space. Also went kayaking with a bunch of friends. On Friday night I went out to eat with my parents, and they were probing me a little bit about the d. At one point I said very matter of factly, that I would have done anything to keep my family together. I think that sums it up. I would have done anything and everything, I just needed someone to do it with.

I miss the kids horribly. I haven't called to talk with them since they left Friday. I honestly just don't want to hear her voice or interact with her.

I'm going to call tonight or try to skip out to take them to lunch.

[mahhhty]

I hit the button too soon.

I bet GB was right about her rewriting history. I brought the letter. Confronted her. Blindsided her. And all she could muster was to say that was nice when did you write it. 30 min later she sends an email scathing me on an invasion of privacy.

She's now going through a kidney transplant process. I wonder how much easier that would be with your entire family around you. Also I wonder if she has ever thought of all her childhood memories, the good and the bad. And then think that as a parent she will only have half of those.

Mon and Tues are hard. The quiet gets me. But I have two meetings today and then going out tonight. So the day will turn around.

[mahhhty]

Went to a wedding tonight with longtime friends. Got my ass chewed for my passive optimistic nature. X has been posting pictures on social media of other man for over 4 weeks.

No one told me.

I'm divorced why does any of this matter.