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AU Bob #2624949 11/18/15 09:50 PM
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Yes, I always think the status change seems a bit retaliatory. Best to just take your own steps to minimise damage. Not unfriend, but unfollow...I'm not much of a FB user, but I've seen the pain caused by looking at social media so often on these boards.

The thing to remember is that FB is our shop window and people present themselves as they want to be seen. As a wise poster once said, you don't post pics of yourself crying in the toilet do you??


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2625001 11/19/15 04:14 AM
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Yeah. I have been struggling with the detachment thing, it's difficult when you still have feelings for them. Six months and it's still a bit surreal and raw. It is getting easier, but you still have backslides.


H 50
W 46
T 31
M 24
EA 11.11.15
PA not sure.
Dx3
Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
AU Bob #2625006 11/19/15 06:10 AM
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Hello

I've just hidden my relationship status on FB. So when people are looking at my details, it just says 'no relationship to show' (or something like that).


Me: 48, XH: 42
T: 18 years, M: 15 years

EA/PA 1: 6/2012
EA/PA 2: from autumn 2012-present

BD: 5/2013
ILYBNILWY BD & left: 10/2015

OW conceived: 8/2016
Born: 4/2017

H filed: 7/2017
D final: 28/12/2017
focus22 #2625151 11/19/15 08:38 PM
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AU Bob Offline OP
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Im a little shady about taking spouse's back after being WW. I mean, they have been with someone else, lied and betrayed us, we did not.
Don't get me wrong, I would take mine back, but how do you deal with what they have done, and how do you live with the fact that they could do that to you, the breach of trust, and the fact that they could switch off from you and not have empathy for you?
I don't understand how someone you have shared most of your life with, the person who has fathered or mothered your child can do this.
Social media, family peer pressure, the breakdown of morals, stigma breakdown (birth of the "Cougar"). And I think one of the most damaging, Reality TV programs.
My wife has started going to night clubs since our split, at 46 years old I would have thought that was behind her and was not age appropriate, how wrong I was. I thought I would have a look at the scene for my self, and was shocked. I attended a night club on the coast here and 70% of the women there were over 40, I could not believe it, when I was in my 20's if there was anyone over 30 in a club they were laughed at!
I believe family value has degraded to a point of almost non existence, it's become socially accepted and too easy to just walk away and focus on individual happiness, don't worry about the family unit, as long as your happy it's all good, but what about the fall out from that, the breakdown of the family unit and the suffering of the innocent other half, and children, do the therapists take them into account?
I know I had issues and I accepted that and have taken steps to address them, admittedly it was late into the relationship, but she had issues as well but did not want to work on them, the therapist told her individual happiness is what everyone deserves and I was taking that away from her.


H 50
W 46
T 31
M 24
EA 11.11.15
PA not sure.
Dx3
Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
AU Bob #2625194 11/19/15 11:47 PM
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I wonder how much of this, has contributed to what has happened to us?


H 50
W 46
T 31
M 24
EA 11.11.15
PA not sure.
Dx3
Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
AU Bob #2625201 11/20/15 12:45 AM
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Bad therapist and others make it so appealing to do these things. They never show the bad side. Only after the dust settles does the rot that overtakes people is shown for what it is.


Me:49 W:45
M:19 T:22
EA confirmed and ended 8/2014
S:19,17 D:9,5
mvgfwd2 #2625218 11/20/15 01:34 AM
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That's the tragedy of it. it's the time we live in. We all should be happy, but life is what YOU make it, not the failings of others. The role models of today have deteriorated into a mockery of what role models should be, society's standards in some areas have slipped into decadence, while some have become liberating.


H 50
W 46
T 31
M 24
EA 11.11.15
PA not sure.
Dx3
Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
AU Bob #2625234 11/20/15 02:11 AM
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I think these people were always with us, just fewer. Facebook, texting and other modern ways to communicate have made it much easier to stray.


Me:49 W:45
M:19 T:22
EA confirmed and ended 8/2014
S:19,17 D:9,5
mvgfwd2 #2625247 11/20/15 02:42 AM
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AU Bob Offline OP
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Yes.
It was the Texting to the OM that started my paranoia and sowed the seed of doubt, that led to the behaviour that ultimately pushed her away from me (not including the other troubles in the marriage) The lack of trust. This was the last straw as they say. If there were no mobile phones around it would have been a lot harder for her, now days there is instant communication.

Last edited by AU Bob; 11/20/15 02:43 AM.

H 50
W 46
T 31
M 24
EA 11.11.15
PA not sure.
Dx3
Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
AU Bob #2625484 11/20/15 08:59 PM
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We have quite a few marriage break ups at my work place. There seems to be a pattern of sorts. Most of the women are around their mid forties, i wonder if it could be related to MLC's and menopause. My wife said i was too controlling and looking at it now i spose i was to a certain extent. And she wants to be free to do as she pleases. A few of the other separated women have told me that they felt the same way.
What are your thoughts?

Last edited by AU Bob; 11/20/15 09:00 PM.

H 50
W 46
T 31
M 24
EA 11.11.15
PA not sure.
Dx3
Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
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