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Jpeg #2625275 11/20/15 03:57 AM
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JulieH Offline OP
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Jpeg, I keep thinking I should go back to court and see if they will let me take forms back.

More often then not, There is one part of me that thinks he chose to leave he should pay CS. He has been neglectful and there is possible affair. We are incompatible and I am better off without him. He is the bad guy. It is not fair that he walked away and left his responsibilities for my family to take care of.

There is another part of me that loves him and wants nothing more then for us to reconcile. He has a lot of great qualities but i just brought him down. I never built him up enough. I could have done so much more. This is my fault. Im the bad guy that started it all. That he does love me and with time and space he will remember the good things. I am being unfair by filing and by doing it the way I did.

I know....crazy right?


Me: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
Physically Separated 7/2015
Jpeg #2625276 11/20/15 04:03 AM
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JPEG,

I think once I file for support they send him the petition and then we have to go to judge right? He will not want to pay Spousal so lawyers will have to get involved. If he does have to pay spousal it would only be short amount of time so he would want it to go to court quickly would be my guess. I will not file for divorce or separation but he will after this, because nothing holding him back.


Me: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
Physically Separated 7/2015
JulieH #2625277 11/20/15 04:09 AM
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Originally Posted By: JulieH
JPEG,

I think once I file for support they send him the petition and then we have to go to judge right? He will not want to pay Spousal so lawyers will have to get involved. If he does have to pay spousal it would only be short amount of time so he would want it to go to court quickly would be my guess. I will not file for divorce or separation but he will after this, because nothing holding him back.


Sweetheart, there wasn't anything other than Fin advantage. The longer you felt he might R, the more fin advantage he had.

Please have good L. I say it several times, cards, close, chest in any order.

Respect.

Self Respect, this is your future and your kids look after it. Be momma bear.

V

Last edited by Vanilla; 11/20/15 04:10 AM.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Jpeg #2625278 11/20/15 04:15 AM
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JulieH Offline OP
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Zues, thanks for posting and for support. I hope you and your family are doing well. I feel like I have been having some good days of detachment and hope for a future with or without him. But then there are some days I just feel like a horrible person and really mourn for my husband.

I regret this act but not sure why. I can't say it was impulsive as it's been 4 months. Was it antagonistic? Feels a bit like a betrayal, which doesn't make sense because he is the one that left (although still no proof of affair)

Perhaps it's because I just couldn't be that positive, friendly, validating, person that I was advised to be in order to effectively divorce bust. I wasn't big enough or humble enough, or selfless enough. I have pride and just couldn't be a friend despite his rejections of me.


Me: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
Physically Separated 7/2015
JulieH #2625279 11/20/15 04:21 AM
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DB is about doing that which works.

Who says that calling him to account isn't a 180? A stance which shows you are assertive and asking for that which you want? directly.

V

Last edited by Vanilla; 11/20/15 04:21 AM.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


JulieH #2625280 11/20/15 04:37 AM
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Vanilla,

Yes. Thanks for the reminder. I have to remind myself of this. Sometimes I go into denial, because there was a time he had great love for me and it is hard to accept that this actually ended. That we will go forward as enemies is very hard to accept.
He flat out told me the only thing that bothers him in all of this is the financials he will lose. I also was reading our texts from before he left and can see how hard I was trying and how he was just gone.

I want so bad to believe that he still has love for me and will one day deeply regret this. Sometimes I feel that he will only regret it if I prove to him what a selfless person I am and be patient with him. Truth is he takes advantage of and is actually rude to the people that enable him (his mom) but ended up giving in (but complaining about) to the people that made sure his actions had consequences (my mom)


Me: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
Physically Separated 7/2015
JulieH #2625281 11/20/15 04:37 AM
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I understand your hesitation to do something legal, I really do. But think of it this way: If you don't, you are 1) not looking out for the children, 2) enabling him to spend his money on himself and potentially OW instead, and 3) holding on to him by a false sense of connection.

And he is not going to respect or love you any more for it. I promise.

Consult with a L, if you have been deserted, you can get help through various organizations. You could contact a women's shelter and see which lawyers they normally work with, even if you're not homeless.


M 16 yrs, WH62, P54
3 adult blended kids
EA 11/13, BD1 6/14
PA fall 14, BD2 2/15
Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15
Separated 4/16
WH moved OW in 5/16
Divorced 6/15/17
Painter #2625283 11/20/15 04:48 AM
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JulieH Offline OP
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Thanks painter. I need these reminders. I always put my kids first in past, so why are they not coming first now? They have the right to financial support from both parents. I have consulted with a really great lawyer who I will retain when the time comes, which it seems to be. our case is actually pretty simple as we don't have much to divide up.


Me: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
Physically Separated 7/2015
Vanilla #2625288 11/20/15 05:01 AM
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JulieH Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Vanilla
DB is about doing that which works.

Who says that calling him to account isn't a 180? A stance which shows you are assertive and asking for that which you want? directly.

V


Throughout our whole relationship, I was pretty assertive and opinionated. he loved and respected me. After kids were born our relationship went downhill I tried to change this past year and basically became an insecure mess that kept trying to make him happy and that didn't work. So will see how this goes.

The first two times I asked for support, I was so weak and passive aggressive. I just figured he would do what's right regardless. A lot of people in this world do not though. I know I would have and hate when other people don't.

Do you agree with ep and zues, that a brief statement telling him I filed for support is a good idea?

I have to get back to where I was headed, in which I was detaching and had no real attachment to outcome of his decision.


Me: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
Physically Separated 7/2015
JulieH #2625317 11/20/15 12:34 PM
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Jpeg, I keep thinking I should go back to court and see if they will let me take forms back.

More often then not, There is one part of me that thinks he chose to leave he should pay CS. He has been neglectful and there is possible affair. We are incompatible and I am better off without him. He is the bad guy. It is not fair that he walked away and left his responsibilities for my family to take care of.

There is another part of me that loves him and wants nothing more then for us to reconcile. He has a lot of great qualities but i just brought him down. I never built him up enough. I could have done so much more. This is my fault. Im the bad guy that started it all. That he does love me and with time and space he will remember the good things. I am being unfair by filing and by doing it the way I did.

I know....crazy right?


Julie I am no where near be able to provide wise advise but I DO totally understand how you are feeling I felt/feel the exact same way. I wanted to do the same thing. Go back and unsigned the papers.
I feel like I have played right into H plan. He wanted me to start the whole legal process so he wouldn't be the bad guy so to nudge ( or push ) me to he stopped paying his share of expenses. I just wish I could have afforded to do nothing. But then I KNOW my H is living with OW and spending money on her/them that should be put towards his kids so..,..
People have been telling me for months that I must be smart and look after my finances and those of the kids .
I don't know what is going to happen but we have both taken a step out of limbo and are moving forward


M: 27
03/15 - BD ILYBINILWY
09/15 -OW confirmed
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