Striving to keep the peace within

[LouR]

Hi mleigh

I am so pleased you are sticking to your boundry, its so easy to waiver and give in; I suspect that if you did agree to spending t/giving with h you would be kicking yourself afterwards.

He made this choice, he needs to see what it actually means for him.

Stand firm and stay strong lovely lady, I am cheering you on from over here !!

[mleigh4]

Thank you guys! Your strong vibes worked. I decided, what is it I am waiting to hear first from H?? I have been waiting over 2 years and look what that has gotten me! Lol

I TM H today my idea and plans for Thursday and Friday. He replied:

Sounds Good....my dad is making food and said whoever wants to can come over so I'll tell him I'll be there afternoon.

Was that a half a$$ invite? Oh lucky me, maybe I am now a whoever. Well, if so, at least I got that! Or maybe hinting that this is his only option? I replied great, glad it works out.

Whew, got that planned and feel really excited about my Thursday breakfast and dinner with S on Friday. I am getting invites from friends on Thursday so I am looking forward to a Thanksgiving twist! Something different sounds great. My family is having dinner too, but they are an hour and half away, and that would involve picking up my mom, so I prefer to stay in town.

Now Christmas will be a whole different story, I don't think either of us will give up Christmas morning. So get ready for my spin on that!! Lol.

This is new ground for me, but your support is getting me through it. Thank you!!!

[LouR]

Hi mleigh

So pleased for you t/giving is sorted. Now you can look forward to the festivities with your s and friends.

Was that a half a$$ invite? Oh lucky me, maybe I am now a whoever. Well, if so, at least I got that! Or maybe hinting that this is his only option? I replied great, glad it works out.

You are reading waaaaaaaaay to much into this statement and giving your h waaaaaaay to much credit to be able to give you secret coded messages lol. I read his answer as just what he said - a statement - his dad is making food and all welcome ; which means anyone, as in neighbors, friends and the lady who works in the corner market ....... that is how I read it.

I wonder if you are feeling a little sad that h did not suggest what I think you deep down wanted him to - he is not ready yet, he has not yet experienced life without mleigh at his beck n call, give him the time and space he needs and you continue to make the fantastic progress you have been making. Focus on making your hols a special time for you and s.

Your doing so well :o)

[mleigh4]

Hi Lou. Are you sure there is no coded message there? That makes it so boring! Lol. Ya, your right. I tend to overanalyze.

IDK if I was hoping for something different. I really can't imagine sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner with my H right now. And I know I don't feel like cooking my famous prime rib for him. But ya, maybe a part of me hopes he misses me during that day. A part of me hopes he wonders why he chose this...

[HaWho]

Mleigh- Nice job! As for potentially reading too much into things, let's remember his calendar dilemma. Oi! It is AMAZING some of these MLCers are able to hold down jobs given their foggy thinking.

Best not to even bother trying to read the MLC tea leaves. Lol!!

[Kinder]

Hi mleigh,
You handled the Thanksgiving plans beautifully. Christmas is going to be tricky for a lot of us this year. I am not going to miss my girls opening up their gifts on Christams morning. That's non negotiable.

[mleigh4]

It's so nice to get so much approval from you all, the support here really means the world to me. I so wish we were all in the same community so we could get together!

Something keeps tugging at me, as Lou caught, I don't know how you can read me the way you do. It got me thinking, what is it that feels unsettled to me? I don't want H here in the house for Thanksgiving. I don't want to be with his family. I certainly don't want an invite to his house.

The picture that keeps coming to mind is us together about 6 years ago. Together as a family, excited about the holidays and getting our son excited about it too. I miss what we had and I very much miss my old H. What hurts is accepting those times are gone and accepting the way things are now. This is our first time doing a holiday separate except the first Thanksgiving after BD. I am furious inside about having to split time with my son, furious with H for putting us through this, but I am making the best of it. So thank you Lou for pointing that out, it got me thinking and I can put that feeling to rest now.

I told S our plans last night. He wasn't thrilled and asked me what I was going to do Thanksgiving night and if I would have a Thanksgiving dinner? I assured him I would be with friends and that we would have a great meal together on Friday.

I have S this weekend and I actually don't have 1000 things to do! So I plan on enjoying it. I have the carpet cleaning guy coming to my house today to clean, compliments of my cousin for watching his dog. He also is taking me to dinner Monday night as a thank you. I also think I will venture under the house to pull out the Christmas decorations. I get so creeped out under there, I hate spiders! Also, S and I ordered boxes of solar string lights to hang around the house as Christmas lights. I won't be climbing up on the roof! But we can line our yard with these and save money on the electric bill!

I also am waiting to hear back from the handyman. He came out on Thursday and I am waiting on his estimate to clean gutters and fix leaking pipe. You know, the pipe H insisted on fixing and seems to have completely forgotten about, as expected.

I hope you all have a great weekend!!

[mleigh4]

I want to add to my post above...yes I am furious with H, with his family, with his genes, with whatever brought this madness on that has affected so many people...me, my son, our families and friends, co-workers, so many...

I also am aware that I am pretty sure this isn't easy on H either. I am not happy about splitting Thanksgiving but it's my choice to do this as it feels the right thing to do right now, and I will go through this with compassion and respect for H. I will stay friendly and wish him a nice day. I will continue to stand firm on my personal boundaries while keeping the door open and light on. I still love my H and I hope he knows I am still here for him.

I know many of us here will have struggles this week. Let's keep our hearts open and chins up, stay strong and try to remember that our spouse is in crisis. Who knows where we may be this time next year. Let's continue learning and living.

Many hugs to you all

[HaWho]

Mleigh - it is so understandae to have those frustrations. You are right, their MLC impacts so many lives and it is painful to watch them morph into the very opposite of who they were. Suddenly, we are married to stangers.

And yes, many of us are struggling through the holiday this week. Your words are uplifting and compassionate! You are doing so well. Keep your chin up and keep up the good work!!

[BrightFuture]

It's so nice to get so much approval from you all, the support here really means the world to me. I so wish we were all in the same community so we could get together!

I think I’m in the same area you are. I know I’m very close to where Cali is. We should get together .