WE get stuck being parents ,,MLcer gets no responsibility and can play all they
fast forward a few years WE are dedicated parents with older/ or grown kids who respect us We have a nice home and good job We have several good friends and family We get another R if we want
Mlcer: still playing kids don't want to spend time with Them Family does not respect them some of them loose everything my xh did
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
My FIL came into town yesterday and as a boundary in our separation my FIL was supposed to be away from us for a year. Guess who my H11 brought over to see the boys? ( backstory my fil triggers me for a past molestation when I was 14) So my H comes in all smug and ready to fight and what do I do? I do a 180 welcome him and lay the truth on my FIL. I did not hide or run > I faced him and told him. His presence makes me feel violated to the point of vomiting. I confronted my fear and anxiety was able to talk it out with him and at the same time not give my H the fight he was pulling me into.
Tfish- sorry for all that you and your kids are going through. You are in good hands and will receive much support here.
Post often and read all the links Cadet sent you. Take care of yourself and your kids.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
I have been reading a little too much for my liking. I need to focus on me and the boys now. It is just hard to do so...he is always here on his time off and always pouting.
Don't give him any reaction to his poutiness. Go about your business and act "as if." Treat him like you would a roommate.
Create the best possible home environment for you and the kids. Here is where you begin to work on detaching.
It's hard in the beginning, but you can do it.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Also, you may want to add a signature to your profile? It helps others to see your ages, your kids' ages, BD date, etc.
If you decide you want to add one, click the "my stuff" button to the right of "forum list" and then click on "edit profile." At the bottom you will see the square where you can add your signature.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
it is hard to explain....I was molested at 14...he got my MIL pregnant at 13 and he was 24. I have this rage against him because at 13 -14 it is rape and so in my eyes he will always be that...
it is very difficult dealing with the MLcer especially when he is always there continue to just take care of yourself..detach as time passes you will heal and feel better
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Hi tfish, so sorry you find yourself here but welcome to the board, you are among friends who care and want to help you through this.
my h was military, came out a few years ago. He recently said that he has felt the loss of leaving; he had structure and stability, he had camaraderie and life long bonds, a family. Coming away from that and having to adjust to a "Normal" life is not an easy task. This is not an excuse for anything your h is doing, but just wanted to add a perspective that you may not have thought of.
Its so hard when h is confusing you so much, one minute up, the next down, you will get sick of hearing the word detach, but its what you really have to do to get through what he is likely to throw at you.
Try not to take anything he does or says personally, it really is not about you, right now he is angry, frustrated and confused inside, he will most likely throw some really horrible negative stuff your way and if you believe it all then you will sink yourself, don't let him do this to you, believe in your own self worth.
You mentioned you feel you have read a bit to much lately - knowledge is power, it will help you understand what you h is going through and what to expect. I also suggest reading as many threads as you can on here, post on them to draw others to your thread, that way you will get different viewpoints and support. There may be some that you feel are similar to you, it is a comfort to know that you are not going through this alone. The vets here are great, listen to them - they have got me through many a dark time and helped me work through various situations that I have come across.
