I agree w/twinmom. Unless you are court ordered to provide those documents, he can very easily get that information form the SS Office and the county records department. Now, he may have to pay a fee at the county records department for copies of the birth certificates, but hey...he's got money for a divorce, he's got money to pay for birth certificates.
Again, I do advise that you make copies of the birth certificates just in case something happens and leave the originals and the copies w/someone you trust. You can't always trust the MLCers for being upstanding citizens.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I think this is his mom's bright idea. I agree I am not just going to roll over. He told me his attny said he should keep my S 17 car in the divorce..even though it was a gift to my S from his aunt..it sounds like spiteful bs by my MIL
Hi Tfish, I'm sorry to hear about this turn of events. My H decided to file and our Decree Nisi (UK) will be issued this week as far as I know. After that, he can make the D final after 6 weeks or so. However, we haven't yet reached a financial settlement, so that may delay a little.
Like you, I was pretty devastated. But it has also helped me in a way, because settling our finances is in my favour and it has taken the D process to do that. I'm also glad that he made that decision and not me.
But, I get how much it hurts - truly I do. Try and focus on your own steadiness, and know that now isn't a good time to be reaching out to him. Let him be, and as others have said - if he wants the D, let him do any work for it. I helped out my H by providing draft grounds for him to file against me on unreasonable behaviour grounds. That was partly because I wanted to save myself some more hurt (he was going to file on these grounds anyway) and partly I felt some urge to help him as he was so keen to get out of the M. I'm not sure if that was the right choice - but it is done now...
Just know that him filing for D is not the end of the road. It is just another bend in it. Only time will tell how things will ultimately turn out.
Take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
My D became a business deal XH was overspending and going into debt For me, it was for the best I didn't want to ruin my credit I have kids to raise we had a business,,he was ruining it It really hard because we all still really care-- but this is the time to get tough and really think about what is best for you and the kids My H would have ruined us financially A good Lawyer is worth a lot they will let you know what will legally happen and they are out for our best interests I got my L through a friend --he was recommended as a good one he gave me an hour free consultation \In one hour I know what I would get if D went through I felt empowered so H could not walk on me,,I knew my rights
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
He came over an picked up the boys...S6 had a huge meltdown..glad he saw did not phase him and then he insisted I go to dinner with them. I feel like I am in the twilight zone
venting>>> so I am sitting here thinking of when things went wrong..there were many signs I missed. My H instead of buying a sportscar or anything extravagant...decided to be a pilot...not just a pilot but a commercial pilot. well he had started ad and that hindered him as well as his physical limitations and of course that was my fault...commercial was out..so next up helicopter...moves us out to texas for school...leaves us a week later. I try to be pissed off but honestly I can't..he just seems so lost. I joined a meetup here and will be going tonight...wish me luck I feel awkward. Sat. I plan on taking the older boys hiking and taking nature pictures. time to move fwd
The crisis began for your h 18-24 months prior to him dropping the bomb on you. Being a pilot is probably a dream of his from long ago. As for his physical limitations...not your fault one bit. That's his issue to deal w/and accept.
Yes, your h is very lost and that's why you have to let him go so that he can find himself and figure out things.
I'm glad you joined a meet up group. You might be pleasantly surprised at how pleasant and kind the people are. I do understand why you feel awkward, but remember, each and every person there had to come thru the door a first time too.
Your plans for Saturday sound great. Do take plenty of photos and enjoy yourself w/your boys.
Continue focusing on you and moving forward.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
As you go through this, you may even find yourself able to go even further back and realizing there were signs, that whole saying about hindsight is 20/20. It is of no consequence when our MLCrs started their journey, just as it's entirely up to them on when/if they complete it, all of this is and forever will be out of our control. I think the fact that this is just such a bizarre thing, this crisis, we seem to feel comforted going back and saying "ok this was definitely MLC" when we had no clue about it.... I know for me a fixer I've spent a good deal of time rehashing the years prior to BD and the major events for clues as to what brought the train off the tracks, honestly I've come to the conclusion it was many things, the time bomb was always ticking and wasn't much I could have done to stop it so I've let that part of this go, realeasing myself from that enabled me to focus more on the now of all this. It's not your fault, it's his crisis and he will have to get through it on his own.
I just remember he kept pushing me to let s5 and s7 walk to school alone so I could work...ummm hell no..That and his need to tell me I have no ambition and do not have a good work ethic
Try to remember that he is going to say stuff off the wall. Truth be told, he and his siblings had to walk to school alone. As for the comment about no ambition do not have a good work ethic...it sounds like something he's heard his parents either say to one or the other or to him when he was a young man starting out.
I would take those types of comments and chalk them up to MLC and then shake my head over them.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
