here i am for a second time around - new name. first time on here was for part a of my sitch. part b started once the A was discovered.
my homework from cadet is done. redone. i follow sandis words through any thread i can and maintain the 37 rules. they are hard to follow but they are db and sandi reinforces their value. ive read through many many sitchs hoping id run into something similar. i have ran into a few but my question here is how to db once filing is in place.
i filed - regret having filed. thanks emotions. i feel nc was creating more of a rift than it was helping so i maintain a dim approach to keep me in Ss mind. im not certain its the way to go but we all fall and pick ourselves back up from time to time don't we?
anyone out there willing to share their approach and results?
since S 1m: no knowledge of db = failure 2m: read dr + start db + failing some 2.5m: A discovered + freakout = rereading dr 3m: more db + failing a little less 3.5m: filing + failing + db + dark 4.5m: here and now + dim
Well I made the mistake again: kept hopes up and dropped from a higher ledge than I had anticipated. I need a D from social media. Yesterday was tough enough, last night even worse and today I'm spinning away in thought and angst.
I know my sitch isn't much different from anyone else's on here. We all land ourselves here - early enough if we are lucky - thinking our WAWs are just lost or confused. Too many of us later on realize WAW has one extra letter in it. We pray and search for a way out of this hell and for some of us it is just a little too late to comes to grips with the fact that it is a hell we created for ourselves.
I'm fairly certain this is a done deal for me so next step is just to move forward with myself and become the man I should have been years ago: The man as everyone here says, only a fool would leave.
Because I've been a fool anyone should leave for far too long.
Working on discovering myself - spiritually, emotionally, mentally.
Working on bettering myself - all the above + physically.
Diving into work as much as I can, running, working out, meditating, praying, seeking help from spiritual leaders and psych/therapy experts, rekindling old friendships lost since M, finding new friendships to fill the void. You name it, I think I've done it or am in the process of doing.
It still doesn't seem to help me shake things off when I am alone. Distractions and self improvement help greatly but there is more time spent on my own than I can handle at times. I know, baby steps and one day at a time - minutes at a time.
A few hours later and my mood has changed for the up and up.
Life is a ride, up and down and around. I am getting it now.
I thought I did before but this section of the ride is really teaching me what life can have in store for you. Hope I'm passed the vertical loop for today.
It's strange how thoughts travel through and carry emotions up and down so wildly during these times. Or is it emotions that drive the thoughts?
Just a short amount of quiet time at work and it comes racing back in, making me forget what I posted just a few hours ago. I almost slipped down into another dip but I was able to pull myself back up. Thank goodness.
