Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
Seem like some reality hit the WW yesterday. She sent a text that said she believes we will look back and think that pride destroyed our M. She also said she knows a critical thought that I shared with someone that I haven't told her about and her pride keeps her from asking. If I were to guess I would guess it's that I told someone if we D I will not live in the little fantasy of hers where we start to date and there will be a new ring, proposal and ceremony. Last night she asked if we could talk. I sat down and she sat on my lap, wrapped her arms around me and said "I love you more than anything in the whole world" I just sat there. She was crying and I was not. She said she feels our timing often misses each other and this is one of those moments. That she had been very vulnerable and I didn't have anything to say. I told her she has said some very nice things but I don't trust them. Over the last 6 months she has said this many times and within moments she would texting another man. For me to believe it it would need to be much more than just a moment.
Later she asked if I were dating anyone. I told her we were not going to have those types of conversations. She said it was hypocritical of me because I'm telling everyone I want this M but won't answer her question. I asked why I should. She said because we're m. I said "oh Really?!!" That was pretty much the end of it. She did wrap her arms around me again through out the night
She's cake eating again. Wants to say we're M when she needs reassurance from me but that we aren't M when it comes to justifying her A's. I think I handled it really well. I was not unloving but really felt indifferent. She was showing kindness and affection but we'll see how long it lasts.
I think she's on the ropes and the reality of the situation is setting in. She's not at rock bottom yet and I'm not believing anything she says and half of what she does.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
Well....it's already ended. I'm not surprised it was short lived. She was short with me last night and manipulative this morning. I also saw her texting one of her OM last night too.
Oh Well. Only 29 more days but who's counting.
I'm actually looking forward to her being out of the house and not dealing with this roller coaster on a daily basis anymore. I'm exhausted. I'm ready for change. It doesn't feel like she is changing so I'm ready for the environment to change.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
Just got caught up on your situation. Wow, man, many great things you've done.
Your wife is continuing to express her emotions in a very negative way. She must feel like the only way to express is through anger, like my wife does.
Ephesians 4:15New International Version (NIV)
15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.
Truth in love means direct communication, setting boundaries, and sticking with them. She's testing your new-set boundaries, and at times you've gave in and let it go the route she wants - anger sessions to express her feelings. Do not give in.
Just like my wife, she wants a D as the magical land of D will bring her all happiness. It will, in fact, make her hit bottom. Do not give up hope on the marriage, but if she's as stubborn as my wife, going through the D might be the only way to get her back.
My prayers for you. Continue to GAL, go see others, focus on your kids, and seek out what can calm the waters of your soul, so you can talk to God honestly.
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
Trumpet, Thanks for stopping in, the support and encouragement.
Sounds like our WW are very similar. It will either take her being open to God working a miracle prior to the D or the D causing her to hit bottom and then she'll let God work.
I have stated to family and friends that after the D final hearing date I'm all done. I'm not getting back on this crazy train. However, I do know that I'm not in charge. If we D and some time down the road she allows God to heal her and then God calls me to take her back. I will answer.
I'm not in charge. He is.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
Good stuff gs9, none of this is in our control. You keep focused on you and your kids. She's going to do what she's going to do. So are you. And it sounds like you're still doing great things. Sure, you need a break. A long one. And some space. That will all come.
Stay strong.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
I was feeling a little frantic this morning. WW retained a lawyer yesterday. She is now asking for triple the child support, half of her student loan, half of her car payment and threatening to ask for spousal maintenance.
Most years of our M we have made about the same money. This is the first year I've made more than she did. I will make about 70% more than she will but the majority of it is real estate commissions and it's the first year I've made significant money in real estate. It's not a salary or guaranteed money.
Ugh! I've already called a L. Waiting for a call back.
If I'm correct I believe she is responsible for her student loan bc she had it prior to our M. She can't use my commissions bc they are unusual and this is the first year. And when we met the court facilitator she agreed to take the VW.
I haven't spoke with the L yet but I'm feeling a little better. I think she is in lala land.
Any insight would be appreciated.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
G the lawyer will be able to answer a lot of this for you. I do know that you will be on one end of the spectrum and she will be on the other. The L will tell you what the state will say, but a judge decide something different. My L told me that you need to see if you can work it out and not go that route. So, i would get with the L and get thoughts together. Go abck to W with what you are thinking. she may be ok with it, if not then find a compromise.
My W was off the chart with what she wanted, i came back with hard numbers from the L and she accepted it. we were almost at half of what she originally asked for.
try not to worry about it.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
thanks OTW. Trying not to worry about it. She's in Lala land. She's trying to be the ruling authority of Lala land.
I'm definitely feeling better about it. I would love to only pay her half of what she originally asked for. She originally asked for $0
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
