V is for Vanilla 25

[Vanilla]

Thank you all for your many kindness especially and loving words.

I need space to absorb and renew. My responsibility to handle the PTSD that is triggered. In usual times, I would just go, silly stuff.

I have prayed for GB although it is his choice to accept that prayer. That's ok.

I am saddened also if I damaged my R with Mahhty and as I know I believe in warts and all, I don't cope very well with criticism that reminds me of WH. That is my responsibility to deal with it and I can face the pain and move forward. That is my choice to stand for the principles that I believe in.

Every one has the right to their view, and to express it as they see fit. I have the right to my feelings on it. They are mine and valid. I will not be abused, and if I feel I am I have the right to say as such. It works both ways in life. Free will is a fundamental principle I truly believe in that. I have learned a lesson and will hold back next time I have these feelings, i was alarmed enough that screaming banshee might emerage again so I retreated. This is a poor response and I can choose a better calmer path if this arises again. It may if I keep on being Vanilla!

So be it, it will be as it is.

V

[u-turn]

V
I was going to comment on your crazy day at work with new walk-in clients and all (as a business owner that depends on crazy things like that - I know a single day like that can be a true turn-around).

But then to find new love in the same day - sheeesh. Doesn't get much better than that

I am so glad that you are here V - selfishly, for me you have been a driving and calming force in my journey.

Big Hug!!
u-turn

[Sotto]

Good to see you posting V....I missed you my friend xx

[Vanilla]

Thank you Zephyr Sotto, Dawn, Julie and Jpeg, it has taken time and perspective is back. Time to move forward.

U I was given a whole kinder egg by my new beau plus gift inside. I WAS TOLD I did not have to share it with anyone. It was for me and I was allowed to save it for Xmas if I really wanted. I also got a picture drawn of me.

Green hair of course and a big smile.

V

[Vanilla]

Lovely V,

I'm so sorry for your experience on the boards. I would indeed miss you greatly if chose not to return.

I do however appreciate your reasons and respect them.

Your absence will be felt. I hope you feel safe enough to return in time.

Rainbow love to you always V


From JellyBXXX (and sweet sadness)

Rainbow love back. We nearly had screaming banshee again. Near miss. There were times I thought I wonder what Jelly or Pho would think of.....

If RD can smile and post then that gives me courage, I drank a toast to you RD in the Emerald although this time I was nowhere near the Guinness factory. A Paddy's Irish later and a whole day of hanging over and I feel fine.

Phew......

From Vanilla and funny bunny.

[Vanilla]

Msd please understand how much you mean to me, how your strength has given me courage to heal. This path is a very difficult path and one of denial, once denial is broken, realisation doesn't make the abuse go away, in many ways it's very visibility makes it harder to deal with.

My fear is sometimes so great, so overwhelming it takes me over and I shake. I know it will pass as it always does!

I decided long ago not to disguise it and to face it as that really helps.

I cry a lot now too, I am no longer in shock and I think it's a sign of repair.

V

[Vanilla]

Don't leave. Your voice is of soft kindness and encouragemt. Balances the newcomer after reading a post from me, don't ya think?

Seriously V, I have been in those shoes of feeling attacked, and it is horrible. Maybe in my dogmatic way, I have been guilty of making someone feel what you experienced from GB's post. I hope not, and my goal is never to hurt anyone or make them feel under attack.......but I know I speak frankly and it can be interpreted, (and has been) as harsh. I am not defending him, just saying that Perhaps I come across in similar style at times. Then I read one of V's post and tell myself to simmer down.

I hope you'll stay with us b/c of so many people you soothe......nstead of leaving b/c of one who didn't particularly like what you had to say.

((hugs))

Thank you Sandi, my IC says that as we get more spiritual and stronger that way, more challenges will come. I just trust that my reacations haven't caused upset to others. It isn't great not my most shining moment.

I spent some time reading around and found another site where there was a great deal of aggression and an open attack on Mrbond. It shocked me greatly, if he is around I would value his opinion on it. Ignore, fight back or what?

My stance is NC. I like the philosophy here, I like the respect, kindness and intelligent comment. The philosophy suits me and I do not believe in outing As to OW or OM partner in most cases it isn't going to repair ourselves or our M.

I have had disagreements here before with posters of strong views particularly on abuse issues, and I can handle it and often modify my view. All out drama makes me defensive in the flight fright or freeze scenario, I am a mixed bag. In this case fright which isn't great.

I have life lessons in this to learn, some garbage to clear and boundaries to set and stand by.

Sandi, I admire your stance, you are clear and precise in your this kind of situation. I am often far too softly spoken but I believe in working on self first and foremost. To be strong we often have to face our weakness, to move forward we often have to be still.

R can mend and M renew, waywards can reflect and grow too, in time. Often the best work is in detachment and letting go. Our hardest work is to do the internal development necessary to grow and become. I see it often remarkable progress in time of need.

Perhaps Newbies need a stronger stance than mine, although as you say a supportive voice eases the strain and sense of being alone.

Bless you Sandi, and I include your H and D is my votive.

V

[Vanilla]

I miss you! I hope everything is okay. I did read back a bit, and hope one ill-advised comment isn't keeping you away. I'm finally sticking up for myself...couldn't wait for you to see. All the positive energy you've sent my way is paying off.

I hope you're happy and well. I just miss you.

Anc, it is my reaction that made my issue. I am going to learn from it, I have to believe that I can.

Only time will tell.

I am very proud of you Anc, your journey has not been easy.

V

[rd500]

If ever there was proof of why your called Lady V , the last number of posts cement it forever.

Words can be hurtful even if that was not the core intent and written word easily taken badly without tone or the like

Your fragile after H and some days we can deal with things better than others

The end game is that Lady V is loved and respected by more than by not and I think that's a great place to be

As for the new R , I would advise caution as kinder eggs are not givien lightly and maybe this guy is moving a little fast.

While I'm no PLAYER , I would be a ladies man and only if I'm going all out would I pull the old kinder egg classic move !!!!!!!!!!!

Big hugs V. So glad your back. Take care. Rd xx

[SciDad]

Welcome back V!

You have no idea how happy I am to see your kind soul back on the boards. Mainly because I'm selfish and I was afraid I'd lost the opportunity to talk to you... :P