long past D thoughts

[forward]

As my post shows, I wound up being the one who remarried. I love new H and kids. I can say we have a very emotionally complicated situation due to various tragedies in his kids' lives, but we are doing well. I feel that a lot of that is due to H and I recognizing that this would hard. I am very happy that the kids seem to be growing in positive and healthy ways and we feel like a family now.

I do feel I went into this with eyes wide open. I knew, and still know, that this is the hardest thing and maybe the best thing I could do. I knew the kids would tell me "You're not my mom" at some point, and might hate me at times. I'm not going to say that I handle things great all the time, but having some sense of what this would be like does make a big difference. There is constant awkwardness. That is something I would tell anyone thinking of blending families. Just accept it and have a sense of humor about it. This is also the reason that I think MLC families that involve blending/kids would be 110% more difficult if not impossible. It's hard enough dynamic without throwing starry-eyed immature MLC into it.

Since New Woman ((#2) died, X doesn't seem much more mature in some ways. I don't see him often and don't really want to. I have basically stopped listening to his medical woes. This is going to sound harsh but the only reason I would care at all at this point is because of DD. I don't try to help him at all and don't really want to.

As far as I can tell, X doesn't have another woman in his life and seems to have very few friends. He does seem to have one friend, and I am grateful for that because I don't have to feel guilty if he needs help going forward. With his mom gone, X really doesn't have any family around on holidays. I found myself thinking about his mom and how I'd tell him that for the few times in a year that he saw her, he should be glad because his parents were aging and would not be there any more someday. Now here is that day.

I don't think I will ever get any more than that bungled apology from years ago and now I am at peace with that idea because I realized I don't even like him any more and find him a self-centered narcissistic person.

I was looking through pics of DD as a baby, around time that X left. And I found myself tearing up. I realized that that was a very, very hard time and I was very stressed out. I made it through and have a great life but it sure wasn't an easy time.

[forward]

And...a lot of people talk about the spouse coming out of the tunnel. In this situation, I don't think X will ever come out of the tunnel.

[peacetoday]

Forward

Good to see you here

sounds like you are handling your situation well

as for your X like mine it is sad.

We did all we could and Im grateful for all I have learned and grown through his MLC..
hopefully one day, they will also find their way..out of our hands

[forward]

Peace: It is interesting that as people get older, they start to look at the people in their lives and that question of "who will care about me" comes up. Who can you count on, etc.. And suddenly OP doesn't look so great.

I thought of this because of my X and that whole "fair weather friend" thing. If your X wants R with kids, I don't think it's unreasonable to caution them that they don't owe him the R. That he has a lot of work to do to repair R, if he can even do it.

And as far as I am concerned, words really don't do it. He may have apologized...but what is he willing/going to do?

In my opinion, your poor kids have the right to ask that.

[braveheart]

Forward, I think you are exactly right, from what I have seen, very few of these MLC'ers ever come out of the tunnel. You are a rare exception from what I have seen in the sense that you are now remarried and in a good place. Unfortunately, many LBS are burdened with the bills, raising children, and stuck in a tight situation while the MLC'er does what they want to. It sure has been a long time for both of us Forward. I don't post here very much anymore and I have zero contact with my XW. I look back on that time for me as a long distant memory. I have no desire to ever speak to my XW again. I could care less what happens to her in anyway. I have long ago let go of everything.

[forward]

BH, Had I remained alone, I would have had a hard time but not impossible and really quite good in terms of having DD. We had a good life before I met New Guy H but it is better with NGH.

I wouldn't say I don't care at all what happens to X but neither do I think about it. I am busy with my own life and challenges.

While things are past, that does not mean that what happened did not make a deep scar. I still find myself angry but mostly I don't think about X much.

Some perspective for people in the hard part right now....

[forward]

I should say, I find myself angry sometimes. But he made his choices. From where I sit, his life looks pretty gloomy right now. Whatever.