I have been playing DJ with your music selections the last couple of nights. As for Lady V. I will think of you on the 21st of November when I Stevie Nicks and I'll give her little wink and nod pretending it's you all scrubbed up!
I like the trumpet thing, have you considered getting into? Maybe you can be the dad that plays in a cool dad! Or just the dad that embarrass their kids by reliving their youth. I say let your trumpet trill baby!
I'm sure the transition of he kids being out of the home for extended periods makes the house seem empty. I am guessing you work when the kids are not home??? The Thanksgiving arrangements sound difficult. I am not the right person to ask about this, given I have only experienced these difficulties as a social worker and as a step parent for a short time.
My gut response is similar to yours, that separate is best, or a minimization of what you did in the past. I am a great believer in the power of ritual and tradition being a healing intervention for children/young people managing change. This includes creating new rituals and new traditions. Something the captures their heart and minds. Old and new for a time probably.
I really don't know U, maybe you need ease D15 into this change for holidays. Maybe Thanksgiving D15 gets her way, and you give her heaps of preparation and anticipated new ritual and tradition for Christmas. I would let her determine how Christmas goes, but be really sure to ensure she understands that mum and dad do Christmas separately now, how to you want to make it happen D15? The other thing too, you have two young men, who may also want a say.
Holiday Season...Not my favourite time of year.
I get your sense about the competition thing. I have seen and heard it before. I guess you are in the position a lot of woman are in when they separate. The women have been providing most of the caregiving for their children for so long, now the fathers are required to step up in away that they never have. Makes a lot of mother's feel insecure don't you worry.
Your rational brain knows that there is no competition and that your relationship with your kids is yours, untouched. Its your heart that is playing tricks on you. This is just an evolution of your children's relationship with you. Just like when they didn't need to you tie their shoelaces anymore, or when you willingly let them go to the mall on their own without supervision. Your kids love and adore you and you know you have a pretty solid foundation to call on to get you and your lovely children through this. Given their ages, they also need to take some responsibility for themselves and their relationship with each of their parents.
Have faith U, you have brought you beautiful children this far and they are intact!
I want to see the Indiana Dunes. It sounds like an awesome experience.
As for your warmish weather 4c and 15c during the day, that is Auckland's winter weather temp wise, but it rains heaps in Auckland over winter so it is cold and wet. And yes it does snow in NZ, just not in the upper north island. Although three years ago Auckland got a tiny bit of snow for about 30mins. Aucklanders were We have some of the best skiing country in the world. Check out Mt Ruapehu in the North Island or Queenstown in the South Island . If you ever came down this way I would definitely take you to Queenstown.
So I checked out the Avett Brothers, interesting vibe. I couldn't figure out if I liked them. I'm electronica or house music more than folk, but I love a good singer songwriter. Im going to give them a bit more of listen over the weekend.
So here is a list of the real sound of kiwi music: Trinity Roots - Home Land Sea - whole album rocks and for me reminds me a summer days , NZ beaches and chilling out to good music with a great friends and good food on the barbie (BBQ)
Fat Freddy's Drop - Any of their albums will give you the vibe.
Check out the Black Seeds, that have connections to Flight of Concords
Six60- they are huge in Germany. They have a more pop vibe.
Holly Smith - Long Player- I had it on repeat for six months. Her voice is divine. Bathe in River was another song written by an Iconic NZ singer song writer Don McGlashen - check out Anchor me - one of my fav songs by him.
You may appreciate Nathan Haines. Kiwi guy who made good in the UK and Europe. Playing his sax and producing music. Squire for Hire was his breakthrough album.
I have more but this is likely enough to keep you going for a couple of weeks. LOL Something to do in your down time.
M: 59 W: 53 M: 9 yrs T: 14 yrs No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine) W moved out 11/18/2013 D-Day 12/14/2013 W moved back home 12/1/2014
Thanks for posting on my thread U. I will respond over there as I don't want to fill your thread up with my stuff. Just wanted to say that I always feel like we can completely pick our conversation up, exactly where we left it. Sometimes it feels like a private conversation with you.
I find it hard with other people's threads they move so quickly and I am still formulating my thoughts and ideas and then go to post and they have moved a million miles from where I had been. It is the introvert in me not managing to the pressure to perform at every one else's speed and of course me being over particular about the finer detail of wanting to say things in just the right way. It is hard to feel invested in people and then feeling completely unable to positively contribute because I can't keep up.
Anyway thank you for always popping by my thread when you visit here. It means a lot.
Hi Vanilla, I pictured you to be a little stevie nicks-ish from your descriptions of yourself through your time here
Thank you for your prayers V - I think they are helping. S18 is doing pretty well - most of his symptoms have dissipated. He still has bouts with the facial paralysis thing (this scares me, though he keeps a great sense of humor about the whole thing.)
Now it's a wait and see thing until he gets tested again. Seems like it has been caught early enough though.
Thank you - I hope you are doing alright and are also busy writing your story - I am.
Me-45 W-44 S21, S18, D15 T-27, M-21 BD Jan 2014 PA revealed March 2014 In-house separation - April 2015 I filed - Aug 2015 She moved out Oct 2015
Hi Jelly, Your music selections have been keeping my ears busy. I love hearing music that I haven't heard before - and I have heard none of this. I have to say that these would not have been my normal go to selections, but the more I listen, the more I have gotten into it. Do like the summer beach vibe that shows up - I have listened to Jack Johnson a lot (which may be a little too mellow for me these days)
Holly Smith - wow!! there's the talent. I could listen to her for hours.
I am still diving into all of this - thank you for sharing!
I sometimes go back in time and listen to some of my high school favorites for fun: -Rush - love the technical precision -Yes - was trippy when trippy wasn't cool. -Queen (saw them on your original music post)
today I have chosen to share with you --- Arcade Fire - wake up. I like a lot of their music, but this one makes me happy when it plays - not sure why, but has some uplifting lyrics.
and just for kicks -
sometimes when I'm feeling a little angsty (or when I'm biking), I listen to some heavier music (see - not just folk music here ) Going out on a limb here, but how about Tool - Aenema (warning! not suitable for all audiences) - the refrain of "learn to swim" goes through my head when the water keep rising - as it often seems to.
and just to delete that image
a song that will always remind me of the best times I had with W - Norah Jones - come away with me (I don't have all negative feelings for her).
Oh and the dunes - it's one of those things I guess, I have gone there all of my life and it is nice, not super impressive to me - but I think it is just part of my normal. It's like when I see pictures of NZ and just imagine what it would be like to actually see that heaven someday - you might just think it is normal - all perspective. I would love to show you around though.
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on to me I guess - not that I have too much to say. So I still go to an IC every week - I feel like I should stop as I don't think I really get much out of it, but I still go and and tell my weekly story (I feel like she helped me from jumping off a ledge though). But I start every week by saying, I don't really have much to talk about this week - an hour later, I haven't shut up yet, and usually tear up at some point every week. She usually ends by saying that I have had another eventful week and am showing great signs of moving forward - hmm.
Since my last post, I am on a weekly cycle with the kids now - with a wednesday switch. It seems to be working ok so far - I do miss them a lot when they are not here, but I get to see them at school and S18 stops in to see me at home every day and I see D15 at her swim meets too.
Last weekend, was my weekend with them, but D15 stayed at a friend's house where I dropped her off - though she ended going to her mom's and staying there for the night with her friends, I felt a little betrayed by this. D15 wanted to stay there with her friends because mom has shiny new things and dad's house is a little busted.
I would like to say to D15 (but wouldn't) that while her mom is busy buying shiny new things for you and her house, I am still recovering from years of mismanaged money, past due taxes, unpaid bills and squandered money on her affair, hourly hotels and her new dream life. And though it seems like I am not paying for things that make you happy, believe me, every penny of mine is going to things that you do not see or care about - the house (which we were minutes away from losing), medical bills, school fees, cell phone, tv, internet, food........
I know this seems like I am griping, but where better than here. But suddenly, my house is an embarrassment to her, when it hasn't been before and especially for two years while her mom was running around.
S18 is a little bitter about his mom now trying to play super mom (his words) when she didn't want anything to do with them for all of that time. I validated - told him that I understood his feelings.
Now, I am spending my week without them, it's a little lonely - just me and the dog. Though I did get out to visit some people today and checked on my parents (shoveled snow).
STBXW is having issues with the kids and is trying to get me on-board to help fix it. She does not like the lack of attention that they are giving her. She wants to have a family meeting to discuss this tomorrow. I agreed that we can talk about this, I do think the kids can step a little to help out - though it is our fault that they have grown accustomed to not helping out. But I can't make them like her or like me.
I have declined an invitation to have thanksgiving with my in-laws. I have also declined an invitation to have thanksgiving at STBXW's house with the kids. I will celebrate thanksgiving with the kids on Friday at my parents. W asked me again if I wanted to come (she has asked me 3 times).
I feel like, we have been officially physically separated for only about 5 weeks, and I don't think it is a good idea for me to be hanging out at her house, when I am still so bitter about things. It seems too much like I would be the holiday husband and we can be a big happy family two or three days a year.
Is this a mistake??
I have begun boxing up her things that she left behind. The things that were in sight anyway. All of the shoes that were still sitting out, all of the papers, clothes and jewelry stacked on her dresser. It's all boxed and moved to the basement, out of my sight. The papers revealed more financial messes that need to be dealt with (no shortage of surprises), and so many reminders of the past two years.
I let myself get into this mess. I trusted that things were being handled as she said they were. I didn't believe that she would do this - any of this. But it is my fault that I am here and in this mess. I was dumb. I will never allow myself to get into this kind of mess again. I will never allow someone to treat me like this again.
Sorry for this messy post peace u-turn
Me-45 W-44 S21, S18, D15 T-27, M-21 BD Jan 2014 PA revealed March 2014 In-house separation - April 2015 I filed - Aug 2015 She moved out Oct 2015
Quick cheeky post, while you are still online....Jack Johnson...regular visitor to NZ to surf, honorary Kiwi. And Ben Harper!!! Im getting the Tool vibe too... Still reading the rest of your post. LOL
