I am over my ex-h. He has his life and we have ours. I have no interest in him.
" Responsibility for me ".. This is where I am putting most of my thinking into. Life is fine. We are living well. Soon (2 to 5 years), I will be alone. All my children will be gone. I already find myself very lonely and I do know I want to relocate. I am bored with my life at the moment. I need a change. Unfortunately, I can' t put my plan in action at the moment. It would disrupt my children"s education and work. We have discuss it and came to the conclusion to wait until they are set on their own. Easier and safer financially.
A very good friend of mine asked for my resume yesterday. Her boss required it. This might be the change I need. A brand new career. On my own with no responsibility of other employees. No more hamster wheel in my head 24-7. I would leave business management for Warehouse attendant at a mine. A 10 dollar/hre increase and a 5-5-4 rotation schedule. hummm??? Pros and cons.. I need a piece of paper..
What have we learned from our journey and all of us here?
EVERYBODY wants the same things. We want to feel : loved, wanted, desired, validated, appreciated, have a sense of purpose, belonging, be supported emotionally, be understood, we want others to care about us and the way we feel.... and so much more..
MLCer and LBS both want this. Children, parents, grand-parents, all of us here, everybody we meet want this..
TO GET IT, WE NEED TO GIVE IT!!!!! it all start with a smile and people smile back..
My personal struggle is I am secluded and reserved. Being friendly is not a problem. Give my all and sharing all of me is..
My personal struggle is I am secluded and reserved. Being friendly is not a problem.
Me too!
The biggest thing that I've learned:
You can't control others...
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
Well,well,well.. Ex-h and I had a talk last night when he brought D3 back. We talked about Son' s registration to College which will be finalised tomorrow. To my surprise, Ex-H knew nothing about it. Not even the field Son wants to study in.. ????? I was shocked. Son lives with him during the week for work and here on week-ends. I assumed their relationship was solid. Ex-H said Son is always in his room or with friends. He does not see him nor talk to each other much.. He asked about each of the children and I realised he is not aware of anything concerning their lives. WOW!! their relationship seems superficial. Weird?? I feel very fortunate for my relationship with them..
Since this conversation went well, I expected him to make contact soon after.. Guess what? He just called. He wanted to discuss the kids savings account.. hummmm??? I was very vague. Every time this subject comes along, I tell him the same thing: " When we separated, their security and education was my priority." It is all taken care of.
He replied with: " The government and the service reached and agreement. I am getting a 2 year back pay adjustment. I want to give you $** *** to do what you want with it. separate it beetwen them 4 or keep it for yourself, it is yours.
me: it will go to them. it does not belong to me.
Ex-H: they are under your care, under your roof. it could help pay for the boiler, water tank, sewage problems and roofing work you have done in the house last year.
(( he thinks I am living on a credit line )i' m not. I really good at budgeting and that is why I am successful as a business manager..lol )
me: I will divide it among them 4. Thank you very much!!
small talk, a few laugh and that was it.
This call was quite long. I know I should not expect anything but he is so predictable. I am SURE I get another call by the week-end.. I'll let you know!
I am very glad to read that he's putting money in their account. This is a huge positive. Miracles do happen around the holiday season.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
That was quick!! Not much to say. He handed a Huge cheque and $2000.00 cash. Told me to keep the cheque for myself since I did all this reno on the house and at the end of it all, it will eventually go back to the children. He wants me to give $500.00 to each child with a tag that sais FROM THE BOTH OF US.( mom & dad )..
This is weird.. very nice of him but weird none the less. He brought D3 to the store as I write this. I do not expect more talk between us tonight. Probably a phone call tomorrow to see if I went to the bank. that' s pretty much it..
Daughter is back.. I am all messed up.. Ex-H is a jacket freak. He is to jacket what man think of women are to shoes. lol he gives the old (new) away and buys new one constantly. Back I would say 9 years ago, we bought matching SkiDoo suits. mine black and white, his orange and black. Tonight, he was wearing that jacket. He wore it last year to, a few times while coming here. I guess he wants me to know he has not discard everything about us ????
I' ll sent him a thank you note for his generosity and I will sign his name on the children' s cash money. I will be the one giving it to them. It feels wrong to be the one handing it to them.. Maybe i' ll give him back the envelope. We' ll see...
